Wow, Lily. I know how much trouble writing this piece has been for you, but I have to say it was very good. :) You did a great job of keeping it canon, and I loved the touch of Neville/Luna in there as well. I'm a big fan of that particular ship, and I think it added to the idea of Hannah and Luna’s romance: it's not right, it's not proper, but it's what happened. (If that makes any sense) Also, it connects Hannah and Luna, because the one thing they have in common is Neville. It was a clever idea of how to bring the two together, and carried out well.
One of the things I loved the most about this one shot would be the pomegranate and the story of Persephone. I thought it was brilliant how you made the pomegranate basically a symbol of their romance, and how Luna tastes it even when it’s not there. I also thought you portrayed Luna and Hannah correctly and elegantly; I know it must be hard to live in Luna's head, and something about their relationship in the story, (friends to the kiss to the last meeting) the whole development seemed . . . natural. It wasn’t rushed, (which I know I have a tendency to do) but it wasn’t too drawn out, either. Great job on that, Lily. :)
Another thing that was really great about this piece was the romance itself. It was little tastes here and there, and though it was the center of the story, it didn’t overbear the plot.
I do have to say though, as much as I enjoyed this, I did find the ending a little rushed. You suddenly went from their, for lack of a better word, rendez-vous, to the end, and Luna moving on. I think you could add a little in between, maybe even a sentence or two to smooth over the transition.
On a smaller note: I don't know if you noticed, but those weird question mark symbols have made a re-appearence in your stories, and sometimes it's easy to tell what is supposed to be there, but other times it made it a little more confusing.
As for the plot . . . I thought it was original and very well-thought out. As I said before, the progress in the relationship seems very natural, and I love how they know it’s wrong, and that it has to come to an end. It made the story very . . . bittersweet, which is one of my favorite kinds of fics to read.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. It's the romance that never had a chance, and I found that intriguing. Keep it up, Lily! :)
Ellie, thank you so so so much for the lovely SPEWly review :) I love recieving them and honestly, I've been waiting for this one since you said you were going to write it.
I did spend a lot of time complaining about this one, didn't I? Writing femmeslash was a jump into new terrain for me (oh my gosh, you should read my Sirius/Peter, it's awful) I wanted to keep it canon, although I could have gone the total non canon route and put Neville and Luna together.......hahaha. The connection between Hannah and Luna via Neville is what sparked the idea for writing this story along with the Cotillion, and I'm glad you found it realistic.
Writing the pomegranete-y stuff was a lot of fun too. I really compared it to the story of Persephone and a potential title for this story was "The Forbidden Fruit" because I thought it was just a great symbol of their romance. It wasn't allowed and it wasn't proper, but they were just stuck with it anyway.
Thank you so much for saying I portrayed Luna correctly, I had some serious issues with that. She may be odd but she isn't stupid, and I think a lot of people misportray her as such. (Is that even a word, misportray?)
I'm also glad you said the relationship wasn't rushed. Soraya (my beta for this story) and I struggled over that because she thought it wasn't enough to give their relationship backstanding in just three short scenes, so I'm glad that worked out :)
Speaking of rushedness, I completely understand what you mean about the ending. I have this awful tendency to go to this shortish epilogue thing and no transition in between. And no beta can fix it. Gah.
Thank you for the pick about the question marky stuff, I love hyphens far too much. And re plot: I think the plot made the story readable at least for me. I love bittersweet stuff, too, btw, and although I was under the impression that I can't write them, at least you managed to attempt to prove me wrong.
Thank you again for the lovely review (and making me type an incredibly long response, with a lot of paragraph dialogue tags, and possibly the longest I've ever done, and I didn't even address all the things in your review!!!) Hugs, twin.
:D :D :D
I really liked this a lot. The thing is, you managed to capture the hesitance, the curiosity, the courage and then the fulfillment in a very short story. The use of the pomegranate leitmotif was also nicely done - I love it was how representative of Hannah, and reminiscent of the myth, as well as a sort of forbidden fruit.
Well done, Lily! :) You should write more.
(you have no idea how pleased that an author who has as much skill as you likes my work...I still feel like the noob even though I've been a member for a year but that's another story...
Thank youuu for thinking I captured all those emotions~I really struggled over that and I'm glad it worked out well, lol. I liked writing Hannah...we don't really know much about her, other than the fact that she's a Hufflepuff and married Neville, so I figured I could go places with her /andthisiswhyrarepairsarefun...
And by writing more do you mean I should write more fanfiction or continue this story? LOL...I don't know if I'll write a sequel, but it's certainly a possibility, hehe.
Thank youuu again for reviewing *squishes* I have to keep up to you in the Cotillion, don't I? (I'm only about six entries behind you...
LILLLYYYYYY!!! Yay - welcome to the SSP ship - it's quite addictive, so watch out!
As someone who always thought Neville would end up with Luna, but then saw JKR's point when she paired him with Hannah, I am very interested in this pairing(s). And then you twist it so that they're in love (or lust perhaps) with each other. That's very well done.
I love your theme of pomegranates (I have this urge to go and buy some pomegranate juice now), and the way the taste matters so much to Luna. Taste is such a powerful and oft over looked sense in attraction so I was impressed that you used it to such good effect here.
I love the end. I love the fact that they're not heartbroken by not being able to be together, but that they manage to move on, and Luna finds love with Rolf.
If I have a pick, it would be that we don;t see enough of Neville here. I don;t mean that this should be stuffed full of him, but I think I'd have liked to see some sign of why he left Luna for Hannah, or seen a touch more awkwardness from him when Luna and Hannah are talking. The small scene at the reception between Hannah and Neville is really nicely done, though. Very subtle because you can see he cares, even if he is clueless as to her dilemma (well he would be - LOL).
Good luck with the challenge. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Carolee!! Thanks so much for this beautiful review! I don't know if you could tell but I was really nervous about this and am so glad that an author as skilled as you would like it. I understand what you mean of there being more of Neville, but even though he was Hannah's husband I saw him as a mostly minor character x) Thanks again *squishes* Lily xxx