MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
02/17/12 2:16 · For:
Aw, that was so sweet! The ending especially, was beautiful. Good job!
Name: Equinox Chick
Author's Response: Thank-you! This is actually an old story, but my boyfriend sent me a love letter and I just melted. I guess I was in a sappy mood near the ending!
(Signed) · Date:
02/16/12 13:15 · For:
I like the way you've written this. The part about James' smirk being tattooed on her eyelids is a strong one. I loved that imagery. The build up to their love after years of her loathing him isn't a new one, but you've imbued some originality in this tale by not having a 'tragic' event in Lily's life causing them to get together, rather you've made this natural as she realises he's not 'just' an arrogant toerag.
I think the parts where she's reflecting on Snape are probably the most successful. he was her constant and it must have half killed her when she saw him change. How strong she was to make that final break.
I have to pick at something. The line about sneaking off to the Astronomy Tower at night really grates on me because night time is the only time this classroom is used, and so you'd only go there if you were an exhibitionist.
There were also a few errors in the story.
Then, one night, he leans down further, holding me so tightly he's always that's keeping me upright, and our routine goodnight changes. I think you mean 'all' not always. and
'I love you too James. You need commas before 'too' and 'James.' (That;s a really niggly pick - sorry.)
Nice story. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Wow, thank-you for your super in-depth review! It made me smile.
Umm, did not think of the Astronomy Tower! omg. I laughed out loud at that. I will try and fix it!
Your also right about the 'always' / 'all' mistake - but I just got a new macbook and it insists on correcting everything even if it's a tiny error. For instance, I type ftw and it corrects it to 'few'; I really need a beta to check that! And the comma too.
Thanks for checking it out, I really appreciate it :)