MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
03/05/12 20:21 · For:
Ooooh, Natalie, this was lovely :) I haven't heard the song, but I Googled the lyrics and I can definitely see how you've integrated them here, and where the inspiration comes from.
Name: Equinox Chick
I think you captured Alicia's voice really well, and it helped in making a rarepair believable, imo. And I loved how you repeated "Susan" with a different description of her each time -- that worked really well.
So yeah, nice. :)
Author's Response: YAY! Thank you! :) <3333
(Signed) · Date:
02/14/12 14:45 · For:
Hmm, I might have read what happens next. Perhaps I will again.
Name: the opaleye
I was giggling a little at the beginning when Alicia nearly called her Hannah, giggling because it's a mistake I used to make. Two Hufflepuff girls who just fade into the background of the HP series until you start reading fanfiction and someone brings them to life.
I was drawn into this story straight away. There were many parts that I was smiling over, small details, like Susan knowing about Alicia's life, and yet walking away before Alicia could answer. Then when they were at the party, I loved this set of lines.
I liked watching her speak. Her eyes were bright, her chest seemed to rise prominently, and she used her hands a lot.
This painted such a vivid picture of Susan, gesticulating as she talks and talking a lot - probably because she's bervous (hell, I do that - ha ha ha and then I hit people with my hands or spill drinks) . I've noticed in t=your stories it is the small details that drag me into the story (Sesen rubbing her thumbs on Fleur's elbows, for instance) and this story really is no different.
I don't know the song, but it doesn't matter because the lyrics aren't intrusive and they fit the story. It would work equally well without them, which is always a good sign.
I've seemed to concentrate this review on Susan, but it's Alicia speaking. I think, in a way, we learn more about Susan than we do about Alicia, which is unusual as she's telling the tale. I like what we find out about her, though. She's hard drinking (I bet Susan hates that) determined enough to break through to the first team, strong enough to resist the horrible Brenda (who I keep picturing as very square looking in a royal blue suit and with a tache). I sort of want more about her though, maybe from Susan's POV (hint hint)
OH OH OH - just reread a little, and I really like Susan's impassioned nature and how she want to get things done and has all these passionate thoughts. She's so like Amelia - YAY!!!
Okay, for me this is a reasonably coherent review. Enjoyed the story, well done, have a cup of tea, and a hug, SW. ~CON~
Author's Response: I never responded to this review. O.....O Gahhh! This was one story that I just wrote without stopping until I reached the final part. I didn't know what to do. Had I written enough about each of them? Did they sound like distinct, fully developed characters? I agree with what you said about Alicia. She still seemed a little hard to nail down even at the end. It's the minor details which I like writing, because it's often the minor details which I like reading. :) Writing is such a visual process for me, so I tend to include those small things. Thank you for such a glorious, in-depth review, Con!!!!
(Signed) · Date:
02/12/12 0:18 · For:
Ah this matches the song so well! There was the whole melancholic tone all the way through and I was quite unsure how it would end, in fact I was almost convinced that Alicia wouldn't show. But you sort of flipped the whole fic on it's head at the end and it just worked perfectly. You give them hope.
I also loved the way you fleshed out Susan and Alicia. Susan is so busy living her life, fighting for her passions that she has little time to look at herself and understand her own needs, wants, and limitations. Alicia is the opposite, her life seems more disordered, and I could see the qualities in her that put her in Gryffindor at Hogwarts. Just... so, so well done. I'm in awe.
And the way you used Susan's name as this sort of anchor all the way through, it just made the structure of the fic all the more interesting. It just fit the song so well. Gah.
Thank you so much for writing this. You're a star.
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it! :D It started really gloomy originally, but I just couldn't do it. :/ I made sure the melancholy of the song could still be seen in Alicia's dilemma, though. Really happy you thought it fitted. <3333
(Signed) · Date:
02/10/12 2:17 · For:
This was so poetic and lovely and gorgeous and gahhhhh you are so talented! The Susan/Alicia drabble you wrote a while ago was just delicious, and this fic surpassed my already sky-high expectations for this story.
I love your writing style here. I really need to go listen to the Andrew Belle song because I feel like this story would just flow so nicely to the music.
Just so. So. So. So. beautiful. If this is your 70th fic, then brava, dear. What a fantastic BAM to an already powerful, beautiful array of fics (and I mean array not Array).
Author's Response: Thank youuuuu! :D I was so worried because I wasn't sure I'd tied it well to the original drabble. :) Still LOLing at Array.