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Reviews For Forbidden Colours

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/20/14 17:08 · For: Chapter 4 ~ Unquestioning Faith
Wonderful story. I really liked it. You really know how to write these characters. I don't know how you can get to the heart of every character when you write so many stories.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I liked writing this one, although I remember tearing my hair out at one point.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/20/14 16:28 · For: Chapter 3 - Doubting the Ground Beneath Me
I can see where Tracey would misunderstand. Drew is being a little prick. Sour grapes. This is going to be hard for Demelza to save but I hope she can.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/20/14 12:30 · For: Chapter 2 ~ Walking In Circles
I'm finding it hard to believe that Demelza is cheating on Tracey. I hope she isn't anyway. I think Demelza's leading Kirke on to hide her real relationship with Tracey or to have a good excuse for it.

Name: Fynnsmom (Signed) · Date: 08/19/14 18:11 · For: Chapter 1 -A Lifetime Away From You
My youngest daughter's name is Demelza. It's an odd name and predates the Harry Potter series. I think we tried using Melz as a nickname but it never caught on. My older children tried calling her Janey since her middle name is Jane but that didn't seem right either. We finally settled on calling her Ducky. I don't know why but that's the name that stuck. She's now 34 and attending graduate school:D I enjoyed this chapter and was happy to find one of your chaptered stories--there's more to read that way.

Name: RideTheLightning (Signed) · Date: 03/21/12 22:28 · For: Chapter 4 ~ Unquestioning Faith
You're such an awesome writer! This is so great - it really feels like a missed moment from the DH book and would fit in with the story completely. I love the pairing - all those stereotypical gryffindor vs slytherin dynamics are written really well - another awesome fic :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much.I enjoyed writing this, although there was quite a lot I had to cut, sadly, because it was for a competition. Appreciate the review, very much. ~Carole~

Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 03/01/12 14:05 · For: Chapter 4 ~ Unquestioning Faith
Hello Carole--I know this isn't your favourite story of yours at the moment, and that I talked about it with you a bit on AIM, but I think it's shocking that the final chapter has no reviews, and think I promised to come by anyway.

I think, out of the stories of yours I've read for the challenge, this suffered most in having to keep to the word limit, and the deadline. However that does not make it bad. You take two characters, about whom we know next to nothing, and make us care about them incredibly quickly. This is done very elegantly, and the first person really aids this, with their backstories fitting in smoothly and their characters really coming across. I'm very fond of Tracey :) She's such a Slytherin, (“Does Kirke make you feel like this, Melz?” she says. ha,) but also a bit besotted with Demelza, and a good person, which you know is kind of my weakness. Their dialogue, the way they interact with each other, the development from strangers to lovers, is so well done. I love the simplicity of Demelza's realisation at the beginning of this chapter--it made me want to reread it from Tracey's pov again (which I did) and the way you had the two accounts worked brilliantly, and couldn't have worked had this been in the third person. I know first person isn't your favourite POV but you do write it well :)

I think the problem with this story, was the ending. Maybe it's my essential DA-ness, but I really, really wnated to see what happened come the battle. That's such a pivotal moment in canon, and given you are working with little canon knowledge of what was happening at Hogwarts at the time, it's a nice moment to use, as well as one which would incite powerful emotions in both. I'd love to see whether their relationship lasted that long--and into the Carrows being harder on the DA post-Michael Corner being beaten up and nearly dying (I *think* that's what happened). I know you intended to write this, before word limits got in the way, but please, please once you've recovered, do, either as an epilogue or a sequel. I'd love to read it. Also, as a minor crit, the going back into Tracey's POV at the end threw me somewhat. Just you'd been so neat so far about having two chapters Tracey, then two chapters Demelza, that is offended my sense of symmetry, ha. It may have worked better extended slightly, as an epilogue, but then there was the word limit :(

This was a really interesting story, Carole, which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. You may not be able to look at it atm, but I definitely enjoyed it, and thanks for writing it. Alex

Author's Response: I think you've hit on my dissatisfaction with the fic. Whilst this is an ending of sorts, it wasn;t the ending I had in mind when I first started writing. Maybe if I hadn;t written from two POVs then I could have covered it, but I always wanted the 'Does Kirke make you feel like this, Melz?' line to be spoken and heard - if that makes sense. The last part from Tracey's POV ... well, that occurred. It was always part of the plan to switch back at the end because I always felt this was more Tracey's story than Demelza's.

Anyway, thank you for the review and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will think about an epilogue or a sequel (or a rewrite - hahahahahahahah - but I need some time to wibble and relax a bit. Gahhhhhd, I'm done with romance and pairings (for maybe a day or so -hahahahahahahahah)

Thanks again ~Carole~

Name: hestiajones (Signed) · Date: 02/16/12 20:25 · For: Chapter 3 - Doubting the Ground Beneath Me
O: O: O: O:
:O :O :O :O
O: O: O: O:
:O :O :O :O

So that's what happened. UGH. Damn you, Drew. Damn, I also hate the name Drew as a rule. >.< I love that we are looking at things from Demelza's POV at last. Lets me know her a bit more, and how and why she is attracted to Tracey.

Oh Merlin, this pairing has to work out! Or I will not want you any longer. CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER!

Author's Response: He is evil! And yeah, Drew is a horrible name. A certain friend of ours kept calling him Droopy Drew - ha ha ha.

Thank you for the review. I shall be getting the next chapter up - net willing - very soon. I hope you like the end. ~CON~

Name: xxbabewithbrainsxx (Signed) · Date: 02/13/12 12:36 · For: Chapter 3 - Doubting the Ground Beneath Me
Helloooo, Carole. (Or is it Croll, or Con? :P) Just popping in before I get back to the electromagnetic spectrum and red shift >.>

This is just fab. I think you got into Demelza's head really well in this chapter, and seeing her perspective on what has happened so far was important especially after the conversation she had with Andrew. I knew there was more to it than that, and I just hope Tracey can see it that way.

If there was one nitpick of mine, it would be that the time shift at the beginning threw me slightly. I think it's because, despite going back in time, you still had it in present tense, and that's why I was slightly confused to begin with. But that's really minor, and as soon as I realised that Demelza was recounting what happened before, it made sense and I got lost in the story again. So it's all good :)

I can't wait for the final chapter :D

Author's Response: Hiiiiii, yes, the time shift was an issue with both me and Kara. The thing was, that I really wanted to start the chapter with that line, and I also needed to show Demelza's story. I thought about adding a date, but that seemed a bit out of place in the story as a whole (I might consider it again, though). In the end, I decided a small amount of confusion was okay as long as you got it by the end of that section.

Thank youuuu for the review. Now, get back to electromagnetic spectrum and red shift. :p ~Croll~

Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 02/13/12 10:09 · For: Chapter 3 - Doubting the Ground Beneath Me
I'd forgotten you were writing this story in two POVs, but I liked the way you did it. I also liked the non-linearity--the way you give us a little more of that scene, but from Demelza's perspective, and then go back and show all the events we've already seen with Tracey, but with Demelza. I don't know how you manage it, but this isn't boring, and I think. if you didn't have this story in the first person, it would be.

There are so many good things in this story. The image of teh Easter Egg was so sad, and I loved Demelza's line: Davis, a Slytherin girl, who hexed me in detention. Tracey, who saved me from Amycus Carrow. Gobstones champion and Quidditch fan. I also liked the fact she lied to the DA--it just made it feel like she wanted to keep Tracey for herslf, particularly when it sounds like they're sharing everything, the dangers and the secrets, of rebelling within the castle together. Privacy becomes more important.

And Drew is a right sh*t. When he said "Dykey Davis" in the last chapter I didn't like him, but this practically blackmailing of Demelza, and stroking her cheek while he does it, is just awful. I don't quite understand what rumours there can be about Tracey though-her interactions with the other Slytherins in earlier chapters don't imply that there's something 'wrong' (from their perspective, obviously not in reality) about her, so it didn't feel as though it quite fitted.

But that's a minor nitpick. I really, really can't wait for the next chapter, and to see how you tie this all up (I'm assuming there's another chapter? It feels like it needs one, if there isn't, though I know you're pressed for the word limit) or a sequel then! Alex

Author's Response: Helllooooo, thank you for the review. OHH, now, the thing about the rumours with Tracey isn;t explicitly stated. If they were strong rumours then Demelza would have heard them, but really it was more a fact of Drew (in the way that teenage boys and older do) decide that any female who doesn't have a boyfriend must be gay.Plus he's such a git he probably liked the alliteration of 'Dykey Davis' - and yeah I hated writing that line but it was IC for him (and again a large majority of teenage boys *sigh*) I will take a look at it though and see if I can tighten that up - so thank youuuu.

The reason I stuck with first person even though I hated it was exactly for the reason you stated. I needed it to be more personal and internalised. Use of third just didn't seem to work. I do find this a hard POV to write, even though it makes SSP easier - ha ha ha. I Needed the present tense, too, because I knew I had the opening scene of this chapter in my plan.

OH! The relief that you liked the non-linear bit of this chapter. I really did debate whether to chop it because I was worried people would get confused as to the time shift, but ... I REALLY wanted the chapter to open with the last line of the second chapter - it had been uppermost in my mind plan.

Thank you so so much for your review(s) ~Croll~

Name: hestiajones (Signed) · Date: 02/11/12 10:45 · For: Chapter 2 ~ Walking In Circles
:O :O :O :O :O

O: O: O: O: O:

:O :O :O :O :O

O: O: O: O: O:


Author's Response: How zechadianly obscure you are.

I shall have to consult my schedule to see when ch 3 can appear ...

Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 02/11/12 2:26 · For: Chapter 2 ~ Walking In Circles
OOH Carole this was excellent!!! It's very early in the morning and I'm not sure whether I'm tired or hyper but god this was good. I love the way you build up their friendship/ and how sweet Demelza seems. It gets talked about a lot- redeeming Slytherins, but I think it's just as interesting to muddy Gryffindors, and you've done it excellently here.

I would say Tracey didn't strike me as a Slytherin in the first chapter, but here she was just perfect. I loved the fact she went back to the shed to conquer her claustrophobia--such a small detail, but so indicative of her personality. She really is rather sweet on Demelza, not to have noticed anything suspicious, when I think she'd normally assume something was up/ suspect? It's very sad and sweet.

Kirke is horrible. That moment when I wasn't sure whether she and Kirke were together or not--the fact you could have built up DEmelza as kind and brave and good, and then suddenly have me thinking the worst of her, is very well done. And then Tracey's reaction--there's something rather dark about knowing someone's a honey trap and seeing just how far you can go with them. And then going as far as you can, and withholding it. That was cruel. I loved it :) You need to update. And soon. Apologies for incoherence. ALex

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked me muddying up the Gryffs. We see so much from their POV in the books, that it's hard to remember that they can actually be as prejudiced and horrible as the next person.

You'll get more of an idea about it all when I post the next chapter.

Thank you very much for the review and your comments. I do find it hard writing a redeeming Slyth when I don;t want them to be horrible. Far easier writing pansy, or Draco - ha ha. ~Carole~

Name: xxbabewithbrainsxx (Signed) · Date: 02/07/12 16:34 · For: Chapter 1 -A Lifetime Away From You
Carole! I must say, the GH challenge has meant some excellent stories have been written -- including yours, naturally :) I think you mentioned on the LS that you were slightly concerned about the style and so on, and I honestly do not know why you were so worried because it flowed so well and so smoothly.

I also LOVED Forbidden Colours, and I think you captured the mood of the song really well :) I loved the chemistry between Demelza and Tracey, and the subtle hints of Tracey's attraction to Demelza. And Pansy was characterised wonderfully too, as annoying as she was in canon.

Lovely start, Carole, and I'd like to know where this goes :D

Author's Response: Thank youuuu. I agree about the GHchallenge. Perhaps the fact that it's so open has led to some great stories both canon and non-canon. It's certainly a lot of fun exploring characters we know very little about.

Ah, I was googling Fobidden colours last night and couldn;t resist using it, and the lyrics as chapter titles. *sigh* Thanks again ~Carole~

Name: welshdevondragon (Signed) · Date: 02/07/12 10:44 · For: Chapter 1 -A Lifetime Away From You
Carole-this will, again, be short, but I loved this. I think the present tense works really well, and smoothly, but more than that the first person does. You don't tell us much, but show us a lot about Tracey through this, from her whispered and unheard apology, to her desire to be liked, and to the hints of her attraction to women. I liked the interactions with Pansy as well--I love the idea of Tracey telling her she fancied Malfoy just to be rid of her/ get out, and the joke about the broomstick. That made me smile :)

But even if I didn't know this was Demelza/Tracey based, the hints at Tracey being gay are very subtle. Anyway, sorry for brevity, but this was very enjoyable. I look forward to the next chapter very much! Alex

Author's Response: *collapses in wibbling heap* Thank youuuuu. I was so worried about this POV and tense - as you know - so ♥ for reassuring me. ~Carole~

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