Reviews For The List
Reviewer: Oregonian
Date: 12/24/13 18:26
Chapter: Chapter 3

Hi, Miranda. I see that you wrote this story, and your other one, a while back. I hope that you have continued writing, if not on this forum, then somewhere else, because you do seem to have some talent for storytelling, as well as a love for it.

I enjoyed this story, as far as you went with it. The part in the first chapter when Bellatrix was a little girl was strong; you seem to remember well how it is to be a little girl, how young children think and talk. You have a simple writing style, using short sentences, and although your story is not in the first person, it very definitely is seen only through Bella’s eyes, so these short sentences seem to be a reflection of how she was thinking at that age. Similarly, your characterization of her father, his inattention to her and his amoral values, shown in a few isolated incidents, reflects how little children think; a single incident can color their whole opinion of a person. It makes me wonder if one answer to that unanswered question, WHY did Bellatrix give all her devotion to the dark lord, might be that, among other things, she was looking for a father figure.

I liked the idea of her keeping lists. Not only did she see things in black and white, as you said, indeed, as children do, but she had a determination not to forget; she was learning revenge. Good point.

Of your three chapters, the first two are the most effective. In the third chapter, the evilness of Mart and Jean is emphasized to the point that they seem to be tyrants. Other people in their school might be terrorized by them, but not necessarily wanting to be like them; if terrorists are outrageous enough, other people will start taking them as examples of what not to do. I would suggest some moments when they display some attractive characteristics also, so that others, such as Bellatrix, would accept them as role models and begin to be influenced by their attitudes and behavior.

Of course, there is a lot more to this story that unfortunately we don’t know yet, and I wonder if you will ever finish it, or go back and rewrite it from the beginning with the increased skill or insight that you doubtless have by now. I think that even in our earliest stories, imperfectly presented as they may be, there are important grains of truth that deserve to be explored.

Reviewer: HexFang145
Date: 06/12/12 0:16
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wicked and HP combined!? BEST. DAY. EVER!!!!

Reviewer: susielou222
Date: 01/07/12 11:32
Chapter: Chapter 1

Great start. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you! I will have more up as soon as I can :-)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd Professors
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
Research and Development by Northumbrian 3rd-5th Years
The Mirrorphone, the latest advance in Wizarding communications. Now, of course...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
FEATURED
Oread, Walking by Seren
Cedric was just as odd as Hermione, because he liked to walk. Cedric/Hermione
The Effect of Gamma Rays on Two Terrifically Trapped Gryffindors. by Fenixaze 3rd-5th Years
From the "Stuck where for the weekend?" Challenge on Portkey.org ... Our two...
Drunk on Him by armagod679 Professors
For me, he was an obsession, a burning obsession, one that I could never let...
A Broken Hallelujah by epiphany212 Professors
You have always loved the chase. The pursuit of Quaffles and dragons have carried...
In the Hufflepuff Way by 1000timesingoldenink 3rd-5th Years
Did anybody really appreciate Hannah's mum?Because Mrs. Abbott was a heroine...
And Now... by Oregonian 3rd-5th Years
Moments after the death of Voldemort, Harry gazes at the corpse of the Dark...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 1 by minnabird 1st-2nd Years
Welcome back to another rousing round of rambunctious rock!However, a new act...
CATEGORIES