MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Small Hours

Name: dreamsnape (Signed) · Date: 12/30/13 2:06 · For: Chapter 1
Nice story. I liked your Frank and Alice. Hope you'll write more stories about them.

Name: Ruchira_M (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 11:48 · For: Chapter 1
This is so sweet. Would you consider a longer multi-chapter story set during the first war?

Name: Writ Encore (Signed) · Date: 12/20/11 19:26 · For: Chapter 1

You are really talented, jumping right into the action. The house fire scene plays on one of my greatest fears, so the uncomfortable eerie feeling that you’ve set up from the start here is chilling. I even have goose bumps thinking about it. Honestly, I started reading it yesterday, fishing through the archives, and I stopped. Absolutely terrifying for a holiday centered piece, oh, the goose bumps! The set up with Lupin and Frank is a good one; Frank’s thought process is really, really good as he prepares to go home.

I don’t think that many writers focus on the aspect of the war toll; they usually focus on the friendship of the four friends and the occasional missing person. In the negative, indeed! The list Mad-Eye reeled off in that the book carries weight with it, now, never really thought that way about the recruits. On the surface, they’re just members, names, but when you put it in that light “ it’s really something. The way the tone shifts is a cleaver move; it goes from a dark mood or a softer one, which is really well done in a short piece.

The only thing that I see out of place, and this is rather a pet peeve of the Marauders that I guess carries over, are the nicknames. Frank is a nickname, or at least a short variation, in itself. It sounded a little off. I don’t exactly know why. Yeah, and another thing that matches another reviewer’s response, Alice knows the gender really early. I assumed she was just randomly assigned a gender. People do that.

The darkness, though, you did really well. Sorry I went chicken and ran from your imagery. The written word, for me, can often be more frightening than a horror movie because you think about it. I was going to stray away from this because I’m drafting for a prompt in the GH challenge, but you did really well. Good luck in the challenge. I must read more of your things.

Happy Holidays.


Author's Response: My, people really do not like the nicknames. :P I guess I drew too much from my own parents, who have pet names they use in private but never use them if they think anyone is listening. It always struck me as creating a more intimate atmosphere for the conversation, but apparently it's an idiosyncrasy. I'll have to keep it in mind for future pieces, as well as the general "how did she know the baby's gender so early?" feeling I'm getting from a lot of people.
Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad that my imagery evoked such a strong reaction - though I apologize if it was a negative experience for you!

Name: Padfoot11333 (Signed) · Date: 12/12/11 20:59 · For: Chapter 1

(so used to writing fanfic now that I just typed James) Firstly, welcome to Hufflepuff :) Enjoy your stay...we're not harmful (usually) and it's always like a big fun PARTY!

Now on to the review, I guess squee-ing about how awesome Hufflepuff is is not going to earn me SPEW kudos, lol. I absolutely loved this. I think it's very funny, though, that we both wrote about Alice being pregnant for our challenge, but it was a totally different prompt and the story ended up being completely different.

One quibble--I don't think Frank would refer to Alice as "Allie," I always thought she would be referred to as Alice...and the same with Alice calling Frank "Frankie."

Otherwise, though, I loved this. Very well written, and a great way to introduce yourself to fanfiction and the boards :)

Lily xxx

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 12/11/11 15:00 · For: Chapter 1
This story was recommended to me by Gina (Gmariam) and I was hesitant at first because generally i don;t like sad stories :( and also because i'm trying to write a GH challenge story myself (not this prompt though). However I was very glad I did. This is a joy to read and even though we know things don;t turn out well for Frank and Alice, it still made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I particularly liked the passage where she's telling him she's pregnant and he's thinking of all the things he has to do to keep them safe. Frank is lovely here. He's just a name in the books but you gave him a distinct personality - and Alice, too.

One minor query ... How did she know it was a boy? She can only be two months pregnant, so is it a magical thing the Healers can do. (That's me being interested and not picking fault, btw)

Good luck in the challenge and ... uh ... Welcome to Hufflepuff. ~Carole~

Author's Response: I think I owe half my readership on MNFF to Gina. I'm glad you took her advice. :)

You are correct - in my own personal fanon, I've determined that the simple diagnostic spell that determines whether or not a witch is pregnant can also determine the sex of the baby, as well as its health.

Thanks so much for reading, and I'll have tons of fun hobnobbing with my new badger mates. :D

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 12/11/11 13:23 · For: Chapter 1
Oh my, that was lovely - so bittersweet, knowing what happens, and so well done. Wonderful job. The beginning is drawn so dark, you've really captured what the first war must have been like. I loved seeing Remus. :) You did a great job getting inside Frank's head and making us really feel his sorrow, and then later, his determination. I loved the way Alice told him she was pregnant! That was so sweet! And the end was perfect.
Really, really nice job. I enjoy reading your stories very much. Good luck in the challenge!
~GIna :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading this! I was worried it wouldn't be dark enough to reflect what the first war must have been like, so I'm glad to hear it works well. As you've probably been able to glean I've always been fascinated with Neville and his family, and I've always wanted to get to know Frank and Alice a little better. Hopefully I've done so for you, too. :) Thank you for the wonderful review, and all the recommendations you've been sending my way! :)

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