I like the sentiments in this poem. It must have been so hard for Lily to finally make the break from Severus and give up their friendship, and I think you’ve caught that very nicely in this letter-poem.
As a poem, though, I’m not sure it works the way it’s formatted. The line spacing is a little distracting and the line length doesn’t aid the flow of it as it’s read. I think it might have worked better as a prose poem, with all the lines together rather than a free verse with line breaks, because some lines are over long and syllable heavy.
There are one or two typing errors. It should be ‘disagreements’ not ‘dissagreements’ and you’ve typed ‘its’ when it should be ‘it’s’. I’d also change ‘alright’ to ‘all right’, but that is very much a personal preference.
There’s a real sense of how hard it was for Lily to say goodbye, so well done for capturing that. ~Carole~
HEY!!!! Great letter poem! I actually rather enjoyed that this wasn't flowery and full of imagery. It was blunt, just like Lily is. I wrote a similar poem, titled Where is Your Heart in the PA. But what really drew me in was that Lily wished for their friendship to continue but found the strength to tell Severus that she couldn't let their friendship continue.
Spelling: "Dissagreements" only has one "s"
I have loved all you poetry! Great job!
Poor Sev! I liked it :)
Author's Response: Thank you, and thanks for reading. :-)