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Name: goldensnidget92 (Signed) · Date: 10/06/12 22:12 · For: The Dark Son's Lament
The subject of this poem was interesting because it felt very retrospective, rather than detailing the events of Draco’s time as a Death Eater. This tone worked well with the rhyming form you used, which made the poem sound soft and lyrical: complementing the idea that this is a ‘lament’. I think your repetition of ‘dark’ produced a powerful effect because it reinforced the theme and subtly hinted at Draco’s mind-set “ his paranoia that we see in the books, his fear that he’ll never get out. This is nicely juxtaposed with the final line in which you bring sunlight in and therefore imply hope: giving the poem an uplifting ending.

When you said that the Dark Mark was a way of ‘telling the world who owned him’, I felt that it reflected the idea of selling one’s soul to the devil. The way we see him realise his mistake throughout the poem and begin to hope for release is a great parallel with the old ‘Morality Tales’ like Doctor Faustus, and whether or not this was what you intended, it made me think of Draco’s story from a very different angle.

You captured the recklessness of his actions well, and I liked the voice within the poem: you judged him when you called him the ‘despicable dark son’, but you showed him as a sympathetic, flawed character. This made me want him to be freed, because you emphasised the fact that he was ignorant when he joined, and therefore not deserving of a cursed life.

I think the poem was very skilfully done, and was very evocative with the repetition of language and themes, so well done!

Author's Response: Goodnes, thank you! I love details reviews; they make me so happy :3 I'm very glad that I could please you with this one; I always thought it a better piece of my work. I really appreciate the feedback here. Thank you so much!

Name: Nagini Riddle (Signed) · Date: 07/18/12 4:34 · For: The Dark Son's Lament
Goodness! What a dark poem. But such beautiful diction! I was blown away, and I feel a little sense of deep foreboding. *shivers*

Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 06/23/12 19:00 · For: The Dark Son's Lament
Well, basically, I’m in love with this poem. I’ve been pretty into Draco as a character lately, and this is the major turning point in his life. You’ve captured his character and his emotions perfectly, better than some full-length stories dealing with the same timeframe.

Telling the world who owned him. and When he was forced Down on his knees to kneel. I’m especially fond of these lines because it’s rare for someone to include these ideas in fan fiction, and Rowling never addressed it either. This has to be a very terrifying and degrading experience, and I think Draco’s emotions would be especially heightened. He’s both proud and very young. I can’t imagine these things not going through his mind, and the way you brought it into your poem was perfect.

I also especially liked that there was an entire stanza dedicated to Narcissa’s reaction. This is very appropriate for Draco’s character. He sees that what he’s done has such a drastic effect on her and that’s going to hurt him. I think the relationship he shares with Narcissa is likely to be the strongest and most important in his life, at least at this stage. Her feelings will weigh on him far more than anyone else’s and you showed that wonderfully.

The flow of this poem is great. Reading along nothing feels awkward or out of place. At the end when the style changes erratically it just feels right. It changes with Draco’s emotions, showing how his desperation increases. It’s really just perfect.

As a rule, I have critique in most of my reviews. I like to point out things that might help an author to improve; however, you’re going to be an exception. I absolutely loved this, and see nothing to critique. You have a great understanding of a complex character and your sense of poetry is phenomenal.

Author's Response: Wow! Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much for your kind words. Really, I'm stunned here. This means a lot to me. :)

Name: Equinox Chick (Signed) · Date: 02/16/12 10:09 · For: The Dark Son's Lament
This poem packs a punch. I have to admit that I'm a bit of a sucker for Draco redemption fics/poetry so am very pleased to have chanced on this today.

You've very cleverly tracked Draco's progression down the dark path that leads him to attempt to kill Dumbledore, and his emotions here come across as very real. There's a good flow to the poem and the early stanzas with the regular rhyming scheme work effortlessly. Having said that, I also liked the change into the choppier style of the latter part of the poem. It seemed indicitive of Draco's emotions at that point when he's crumbling.

I noticed a typo.

Thos eyes, filled with tears

I think you mean 'Those'.

Great poem, well done. ~Carole~

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate the positive feedback. I'm very proud of this little gem of mine, and I'm so very glad that you enjoyed it. :)

Name: LoonyLupin (Signed) · Date: 01/13/12 18:58 · For: The Dark Son's Lament
It's too bad that most people don't read the poetry on here. I always thought Draco was a complex character because he never really seemed to agree with what he was doing, but he had to go along with it to save himself. You summed that up very well, and I love all the imagery :)

Author's Response: Thank you! I just thought that Draco needed a little light shed on him. You're right- he's a very complex character- and I kind of wanted to bring out that conflict within him. Because, despite the fact that he's a Death Eater, he's sixteen, and he's scared, as anyone in his place would be. I don't think he always gets enough credit for surviving that ordeal with Voldemort, and I wanted to give it to him

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