I love the imagery in this, the way the apples change colours, the description of the crisp autumn day, and Remus' fear of the wolf, are all very nicely written. His isolation from the Muggle children is rather sad, and I did wonder why the Lupins didn;t know any other wizarding families, so Lupin could meet other children, but still you wrote his loneliness very well and I did feel my heart wrench a little.
I do have a pick with the story. It's daytime and he's watching the apples, then moves to the forest. He's bitten by Greyback there, but it's not night time and thus Greyback would not have been a fully transformed werewolf. You need to make it clearer in your story that it starts at dusk and he's out at moonrise.
The other thing you may wish to tweak is him going outside to transform. Whilst I, again, loved the description of the cold night, the full moon and the way this beauty was so discordant with the change happening in him, I don't think his parents would have sent him into the garden where he'd be a danger to anyone nearby. You could remedy this by adding a line to the effect that they cast several charms on the garden so he couldn't escape.
His transformation and that ferocious howl made me so sad for Remus, and you're right: he is now cursed for the rest of his life.
Interesting story ~Carole~
I have also always wanted to know this story. I love Remus and stories about his childhood. Did you make up the thing about the wizarding law being that witches and wizards have to be home schooled? Also I don't know if young wizards can try to do something magical and succeed, but it's your story! I also liked your description for his transformation. I am also currently reading The Hobbit! Great story!
Author's Response: I heard it from a bunch of HP fan accounts that J.K. Rowling said they had to be home-schooled. Thank you again :)
Cool, this was so enjoyable!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! He's one of my favorite characters of all time, as you can see from my username. I forget why the idea came into my head to write this, but I thought it was a story that begged to be told :)
I think this one-shot is unique. Most tell that when Remus was bitten it was agonizing pain, but I like how in your version it's different. I did, however, find a few issues.
This could just be me, but I always thought Remus was bitten at a younger age. Does J.K. specify it, or am I just being weird?
Also, the home-schooled thing. Couldn't wizards attend muggle school, as Harry did? Just something to think about.
For some odd reason I am in love with the last paragraph. It was the beginning of Remus's new life, and it really shows the (for lack of a better word) urges, instincts, if you will, of a werewolf. Good job, and keep it up!
Author's Response: I heard that school rule from at least one fan site, and they got their info from interviews with J.K. I don't think they specified his age. Thank you so much :)