Awwww! Love it!!
I think that this is a very good story. I like how the events of this chapter turned out, and I think it very amusing that Luna attacked him with a snowball ;)
Beautiful, just beautiful! So sweet and yet not mindless fluff. The build-up continues to be so wonderful. I am so happy for them, hee hee. I am also rather proud of Neville taking that chance, and so glad that Luna responded because you've set them up to be so perfect for each other she'd be a fool not too. The romp in the snow was so very Luna and her reaction was wonderful, as was the ending. Lovely, lovely chapter!!
Awwwwwww! That's so sad! I mean - nooooo! Neville! This is just so heartbreakingly sweet. You really know how to build scenes with underlying romantic tension. From the story they made up in the beginning to their almost-cuddling at the end, there was so much - and she's missing it all!! LUNA! I sort of want to shake her, lol. What's fascinating is that because this is all from Neville's point of view, I really have no idea where you are going with this. All I know is that I so, so feel for Neville right now. He's adorable. Wise up, Luna - he's a catch!!
Lovely, lovely chapter!
Author's Response: It's like you're reading Neville's mind.
Oh, I quite liked Ron here. I love that you are letting us see Neville interact with so many different people - with Hermione, with Harry, and now with Ron. I think you did a great job with him and captured their awkwardness well.
The second part was lovvvvvely! The whole bit with the string - awwwww! Luna showing him how to try it with a partner, and her final words to him, were just so sweet and meaningful. I really hope she is not just being clueless, but leaving her own clues instead. Which speaks to how well you've made this reader care about these two getting their happily ever after.
Lovely chapter, looking forward to more!
This first chapter is just lovely. Honestly, I adore your writing style. It's got such a funny, delightful sort of tone that I didnt' want it to end. I realize it hasn't, but I will have to wait till tomorrow to finish I think. But it's just brilliant. I love the way you wrote Luna just popping into his head sort of randomly, over and over. That felt so much the way real life is... you distract yourself for a moment or even an hour, but then your thoughts pick right back up with the the thing you were trying not to think about. For instance: "It was because she'd asked him to smell her. That's what was unsettling about the letter." I just think the pace and the style here is so right. You Neville is just right. I've written him some myself but I think you've got him better than I did. It's hard to capture the sense of misfit-ness he always had and maintain that as an adult who has found a good degree of success. I like the way you found the middle ground there, and kept him so true to himself. He's just adorable, really. Luna's letter and Hermione's parts were all just spot-on with the characterization as well. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and will read the rest very soon! ~ Lori
Brilliant! I love it! Watching Neville go through the effects of the love potion was great fun - I laughed and smiled and just had a great time with poor Neville's struggle. Well done! And I'm so happy for Neville that he did so well on the test. Now, will he get the same potion, only stronger, next time, or a different potion?
I'm so curious where this might go - will he tell her and what will she say, or will he keep it to himself and move on? Who knows! But it will be fun. Great job on this chapter. I hope you get more reads. I'm going to go recommend it over on the forum. :)
I am amazed at your attention to detail. The bits with the antidotes was amazing. Did you do quite a bit of research or are you just pulling this out of your own hat? Either way, both that and the attention to magical details is awesome.
I'm not so sure about hungover Luna, but then even Neville thought she was acting a bit odd so she's entitled. ;) His potion from the magically refilling bottle sounds perfect - another brilliant detail!
And the way you've thought out Auror training/testing is also very cool. It will be interesting and fun to see how Neville does, considering what he's up against. ;)
Good luck as you continue!
Author's Response: For the most part, I'm completely pulling things out of the air as I come up with antidotes, although I will admit I draw heavily on my organic chemistry background. I'm sure my mother will be glad to know that the extra three semesters I spend at university taking organic chemistry paid off in that I can now make an antidotes seminar in a fanfiction sound sufficiently detailed. :P
I had a great deal of fun writing out Neville's ordeal in the next chapter. I hope you'll have just as much fun reading it. :)
Oh, this is so very, very Luna it's brilliant. I loved it - no wonder Neville thinks he might like her! I also really enjoyed Neville's conversation with Harry. And tipsy Luna is hilarious!
Great start! I really like this Neville here, he's so very in character. The mess in his house and his desperate call to Hermione was well done and so humorous to read. I like that he has such a nice, platonic relationship with her and recognizes that. His line "Marry me, Hermione" totally made me smile, as did his nerves about Luna.
What you've done so well is marry the old Neville to the new Neville without losing either, and still making it believable.
And the perfume is a lovely magical invention. :)
I will definitely be reading more even if it takes me some time. And just so you know, there is a glitch on the archives at the moment that isn't letting anyone open a 6th-7th year story. I only managed it because I came across a way around it in a review somewhere, lol. Most of us have dropped our ratings down to 3rd-5th year with a note in the summary - just something to think about for the next update!
Author's Response: Thanks for the tip about the story glitches - I will admit I was getting a bit pouty that my page views hadn't gone up at all, haha.
I'm having a great deal of fun with this Neville. He reminds me a lot of my brother, actually, which makes writing him a lot of fun, but don't tell him that.
Oh, and the way Neville cleans totally is not autobiographical. At all. ::whistles::
Thanks for bypassing the glitches to read this. Makes me feel fuzzy. :)
This is so good! I love it!
Hahahahaha! I loved the Hermione/Neville banter in this. His offer to fix her garden, and to make her bluebells sing praises, then saying he could literally do that; Hermione's flippant remark about being taken. Wonderful!
I am intrigued by Neville's insecurity regarding his feelings for Luna. I am eagerly awaiting more.