Ah, Neville the Devious? Wow!
I love this! I love how Neville still remembers what Harry said to him in 1st year, after he'd been picked on by Malfoy, and that he says it to Malfoy's son! Oh, the irony! :P
Ms Carter, you seem to be a big fan of Neville. Can't blame you there. He's all the kids who endured childhood's unfairnesses and found his bliss, succeeded in more ways than one. Keep up your stories about him and I will gladly read them over and over. I also really like "Second Guesses" and have read it three times already. May the Muse keep whispering in your ear! Shannon Adams/Lion Rampant
Wonderful continuation! I was surprised, but pleasantly so, about Draco's visit. That was a nice addition there. Well done! cj
Good story! I really like how you've done Neville's character and Scorpius too.
I thought the first chapter would have been fine as a one shot, but now I I can't wait for the rest of the story!
This is such a beautiful story, no review can do it justice. Neville is wonderful and ironic, but he's so kind, I love it. I seriously, extremely love this story. Keep writing! I can't wait to see what happens. Eventually, he'll turn Scorpius Malfoy into a young man. =)
I'm not sure of the Brit version, but I've heard that said as "slightly less well than a house afire."
This was beautifully written, and showed us a view of Scorpius that I feel is pretty unique. Like others have said, I never really thought of him as an outsider, but the Malfoys, like their name implies, were never faithful to anyone, so they would have no friends. I like that you gave him his own pride, even though he also feels alone and afraid.
I especially love what you've done with Neville :-). He's my very favorite character too, though I haven't really written about him...must get around to that. I like his characterization, and I really like the way he handles the situation, both with the bullies and with Scorpius - that's an especially delicate matter, and he managed to do it admirably.
I especially love the last line - it's my favorite of the whole story. Fantastic job!
I absolutely love this story! Professor Neville is perfectly drawn and Scorpius is a very compelling character. Great job!
I love the fact that Neville is trying to assist Scorpius. I never thought that it would be difficult for the boy, but I suppose he does have a few strikes against him - doesn't fit in with the Slytherins, but doesn't fit in anywhere else either. How sad. I'm glad he's got an ally in Neville. I love the reference to Harry's comment to Neville ("twelve of him"); nice touch.
The line: "We got on slightly less as well as a house on fire" is awkward to read. I don't know why - maybe the two 'as', or the word 'less' followed by two 'as' and it makes for too many 'esses'. *shrugs*
Also, I figured that Neville, when he is listing the fifth year students' crimes, should have mentioned the tormenting of another human being first. But, perhaps he sensed they would care the least about that one, and so put it at the end. Neville does stress its importance later when he speaks with Scorpius.
Anyway, good story. Anything with Neville is great with me!
Author's Response: That house on fire line bugs me a little bit, too, but it just seems like such a Neville-ish thing to say, and I couldn't figure out a way to rephrase it without entirely losing the meaning. Maybe Neville isn't as eloquent as he appears to be, haha.
You're absolutely right about why he's dressing them down more for the school rules than the bullying. Not only would they care the least about it, if he made a big deal of it they'd probably blame Scorpius as the reason for their punishment. Playing down the bullying and playing up the property damage and curfew makes their crimes their own and neatly takes Scorpius out of the equation.
You're in luck, because every fic I've written has Neville in somewhere. :) In case you can't tell, he's my favorite.
You know, that's rather brilliant. As a teacher, I absolutely adore what this professor is doing to stop bullying. It's hard, so hard. But he isn't just glossing over it and sending Scorpius on his way, he's trying to make a difference. That's awesome.
Now, do I think Neville would be *quite* that eloquent? Hm, not sure, lol. At times--when he wasn't referring to his own experiences - he sounded a bit more Harry than anything. And yet you do manage to counter any unexpected characterization with internal thoughts that temper it and give it depth. We know Neville changed, we know he grew up to teach at Hogwarts. And I love the idea of him sticking up for students who are bullied, especially in such bad*** way. So I like him here. Is he married yet? ;)
And then there is Scorpius. Now this is truly original. So many other stories write Scorpius as so many other things--but never a small, bullied outsider. His name is mud, as you said, and he hasn't got his father's cocky attitude. I felt so bad for him here, and yet I can see that he is going to grow, fight back, learn, and could develop into a really, really fascinating character. I know you like Neville, but I really enjoyed this different view on Scorpius.
Well written, as always. Nice job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: You know, I honestly think I have a crush on your reviews. I find myself posting a story and then sitting around, waiting for it to be moderated, thinking "Oooh, I wonder what Gina will think of thisone." I can't wait until I get up the courage to post the chaptered work I'm focusing on right now...
As far as Neville is concerned, I figured, you know, he's in his late thirties, he's likely spent at least 6-7 years, if not more, as an authority figure at Hogwarts, and he's bloody good at what he does. He's allowed to sound like a grown-up. And while I don't know for certain, I'm fairly sure that if he's not married yet, he's certainly caught some likely woman's eye. ;)
I'm so glad you liked my Scorpius. I didn't want him to be a miniature of Draco, and I wanted to show that you don't have to be a sadistic bully or have evil intent to belong in Slytherin. Even though this was fully intended to be a one-shot, I may have to expand it because I had so much fun with this character.
I like it :)
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)
Well written! Wonderful story! I really enjoyed reading it.
You really have the characteristics right of Neville, the Gryffindors & the Slytherins.
I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Author's Response: Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Neville is one of my favorite characters, and it can be difficult to get him right.
That was a very nice one-shot! I really like Scorpius' insecurity about being in Slytherin.
Author's Response: Thank you! It's been niggling at the back of my mind, begging for continuation, so we'll have to see. :)
This is terrific!! Great job!! Very Neville!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm thrilled that you liked it.