Reviews For Gryffindor House
Reviewer: Ithinkrabis2people
Date: 02/27/12 0:19
Chapter: The Definition of Sticking Together

Hiya! There are rather a lot of things I like about this fic.

First of all, I think your characterisation is spot on: your OCs (obviously they’re not total OCs, but as there’s nothing canon about them, I’m treating them as OCs) are very well-integrated into the group of canon characters, all of whom are nicely IC, and are their own individuals “ it is deceptively easy to “blur” Seamus and Dean, and Lavender and Parvati into composite characters, but you’ve avoided that very well here, as they’re all distinct from each other (eg, Neville’s Herbology notes, the way Parvati has her own style of speech [which you created by making her use the phrase “I swear” repeatedly, and having her as the only one using it]). On a related note, the House solidarity is sweet; it’s a little ironic that they see themselves as such a cohesive unit, even though we never see two of them in canon, but I like the sentiment, and I’m sure “House pride” was seen as important amongst the students.

I think the only bit of critique I can offer you is that I feel you over-played the Irish-roots part of the explanation for Lilith’s character: after 3+ years, shouldn’t Parvati be used to her accent by now? I also think that the “quick to anger” Irish is a little bit of a stereotype: I’m not critiquing for that, per se, but I do think that we see that a lot in canon Seamus, and so to have another very similar character to him is a little hard to believe. That said, you integrated them together very well, and it certainly doesn’t lower my enjoyment! I just would have played with it a little, perhaps making her Scottish or Welsh instead of Irish (consider how this would have made their interactions and relationship different “ it’s interesting as a writer, I believe, to consider those kinds of “what if”’s)? We also could have seen a little more of Sophie, though of course I accept that, as the PoV character, we will naturally see more of Lilith: perhaps Sophie’s perspective is something to consider for a sequel?

Secondly, you’ve captured “school-yard” gossip particularly well: the bit with Lavender and Parvati talking about Hermione, Harry and Ron sounded like the sort of gossip you hear at school on a daily (if not hourly… basis). It is, I think, the fact that nothing is concrete, and that it is essentially just the girls wildly guessing (and then using phrases like “Did you see”, implying their conclusions are obvious), is what you put across so accurately “ good job there!

Thirdly, although it’s quite a narrow timescale, you’ve expanded it by referencing the past: I think my favourite line was the final one about the Fat Lady opening in the middle of the night “for no particular reason”, partially because it’s just funny (and subtly so “ another thing you’ve done well is humour that isn’t made so obvious that it stops being funny, which can be tricky to get right), but also because it relates back to canon so nicely and makes the OC girl feel like she’s been there throughout the Trio’s time at Hogwarts, which makes their interactions with the canon Gryffindors seem much more natural.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this fic, and I look forward to reading more from you in the future!

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