Oh wow! If I try really hard, I can almost rap this! What a great song! I want to read more about Dominique now. :) What I always find funny about raps is that they are just sentences said really fast to some rhythm. They aren't what I would consider "lyrical poetry" like most songs are. But I find that your rap song has a lyrical sense to it. Great job!
Just a side note- you really only used one bad word- was it really necessary? Either take it out or go crazy. Just a suggestion.
Author's Response: Hello, Kaylee!
I love Mockingbird -- it was the first song of Eminem's that I heard, and I bloody loved it. Ummm, I've deleted the story I had written on Dominique, though she does appear in another one, Blood and Roses, so do check that out if it's your thing. But I'm not sure it would be -- I don't think you're into slash (correct me if I'm wrong) and it is, ha, slashy :P
YAY to you finding it lyrical despite the very much non-lyricism of it :D I disagree with you on the swearword, however. Eminem only used the f-word right at the end, and I find swearing far more effective if it's used sporadically rather than too much. I also don't think Bill would be one to swear a lot -- only when the safety of his daughter is concerned does he get really angry, I suppose.
This is definitely not one of my favourite poems (I'm not much of a poet anyway), so it means a lot that you liked it :) Ta for the review.
Not bad other than the last couple of lines; 'and if they kill me, I'll see her again, so, hush, Dominique, don't cry'. I just don't feel it. It's like he's saying he doesn't want to see her though he could if she keeps weeping. I just thought I'd write this I don't mean to criticize too much.
Author's Response: Hi there. Ta for the review.
Okay, I've seen that you've read Blood and Roses, so you know what happens to Bill. Basically, Bill is saying that, if he dies in trying to protect Dominique, it's okay, because it means he gets to see Fleur again, but also, the main message in the rap is that Dominique should try her best not to cry, hence why it's reiterated at the end. I hope that makes sense. Thanks again.
Hi Soraya! I have to admit, I have never heard the Eminem song, so I have no idea how it parallels that. I looked up the lyrics, but I haven't heard it. It seems to me that your poem definitely has the same feel to it from reading it, just with a softer Bill Weasley edge, lol. I definitely like the overall feeling, even though it's sad. The stanza with cowed/proud/shroad/weep/sleep/sheep/deep was particularly good.
I haven't read your other story either but your author's note fills that in just fine and the poem says the rest very well. I think you've done a good job rapping in the Potterverse and making it moving as well.
I'm not sure about the last few lines - might be a bit more Eminem than Bill Weasley, or it might be Bill's anger finally spilling over. I'm also not sure about some of those commas but they do lend it that constantly moving feeling of an Eminem rap so I'm not quibbling over that. It has a nice flow so why complain? ;)
I hope you get more reviews! Poetry is tough enough for a lot of readers - throw Eminem into the mix and I imagine some people are probably not sure what to make of it, lol. Which is a shame because although I don't listen to his music, I know that he is quite gifted with words. Rap is poetry too, sometimes.
Nice job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Gina! Thank you again for being my review-saver! I <3 you, I really do :)
The Eminem song is actually milder than your normal Eminem fare (there's only one swearword right at the end) and it's all about how Eminem feels he's not there for his daughter and adopted daughter and about their mum's drug addiction. Eminem's not actually as angry as he normally is, either, lol.
I sort of liked the cowed/proud stanza too, so I'm glad you liked it. The last few lines -- in Blood and Roses, Dominique is murdered, and after Fleur's death, it really affects him. I know you probably won't want to read Blood and Roses so I'll just tell you -- Bill *attempts* to kill the murderer. So that's what that is about.
I definitely agree with you about rap being poetry as well. Thank you for such a wonderful review -- I'll have to return the favour at some point this week. *huggles*