Reviews For Silence and Memory
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 09/23/12 2:06
Chapter: He remembers

First off, I would like to commend you for writing something different. This was so beautiful in structure! You should do more poems like this. :)

Heavy silence. Stifling like a cloak,
A shroud to bury his pride with the dead,
The fallen ranks whose names he sees listed,
Counted and sorted in orderly columns.
There’s no call for pride anymore.
Silence is all he can bear to give.

Gah! The imagery is just so darn beautiful. Especially the columns part. It's so scary to think of your name as just part of a list, among many other words, without significance. My only concern is that you used pride twice so close together. It would be fine if they were right next o each other, like repeating the idea to emphasize it, but there is enough gap to make it awkward for me. Perhaps "ego" could fit in for one of the "pride"s? That is my only nitpick for this stanza. The rest of it made me shiver and silent. Silent as the grave, as it were. I felt as though I was actually a part of the story, staring at the list and feeling hollow and dead. What a great start!

He remembers.

*gasps* Risky! But it works so well to let it stand alone. And it makes me stop, which is a very mature thing to do in this poem. You don't want your reader to just skim the poem, but to actually stop and be affected. And this line does just that.

A list of names, tirelessly compiled,
The sweat of hours, days, weeks,
A masterwork of persistence;
A list, in the papers, hatefully used,
Promising bloodshed and terror,
Hatred played with consummate skill.
A strident silence, demanding he speak,
A shark’s grin awaiting his response.
All sharp teeth and instinct for pain,
A gleeful Yaxley drives the knife home:
“You’ve done marvelous work, Weasley “
Too bad Umbridge took the credit.”
Silence is all he can afford to give.

The list again!!!! It will surely haunt me now! It is like the most painful cramp in my leg, which I am having currently (nothing to do with reading, I assure you). I adored the diction you used- "sweat" and "masterpiece" give so much more to the imagery of working on this list. And it makes me hate the tirade against the Muggle-borns. I already did hate it, but to see that it takes so much effort to hate against a group makes me wonder if it is really worth it? I also love how you compare the work to a shark. *Jaws music plays*
However, I don't think "gleeful" is the right word to use for Yaxley. It seems out of place with te rest of the poem. Yet, I am blanking on a better word. Think about it.
I really hate Umbridge so much. She is worse than Lockhart and Bellatrix, who are also both low on my list. (There's that list again!) This stanza only makes me hate her more!
And I love the repetitive "silence" permeating throughout the poem. It really captures the emotion of the poor man working tirelessly to please a vindictive master.

He remembers.

It's back!!!!! And just as poignant and heart-stopping as the first time. What a wonderful way to break up the stanzas.

He keeps a tally in his head:
Oliver Wood, seen at a bar, avoided;
Penny, ditto, evaded with pounding heart.
Hurrying past Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes,
Unable to face his brother’s grief.
Strained silence at the Burrow,
Air fit to snap with unspoken words,
Percy refusing to speak the truth:
He’s not worthy of his family’s love.
Silence is all he dares to give.

Poor Percy. He isn't my favorite character, but you make me feel for him. He should be worthy of his family's love! Silence reigns...

He cannot forget.

What a way to end it!

Great job!!! I wish I could take more time to give a more thorough review, but I can't. Sorry!

Reviewer: BrokenPromise
Date: 07/28/12 21:13
Chapter: He remembers

Wow. That was so emotional, so powerful. It hit me like a brick wall, I was totally speechless. Ok, I will actually start to give you whatever sort of review you can give poetry this amazing now, and stop gawking at my screen.

The first line was less a knife and more a hammer, if you get me. I mean, it wasn’t sharp, it was more than that. It was sort of like a massive punch, and I think that it’s because of the way you used the punctuation, with the short phrase and then the next short phrase. Actually, the two seem connected, and I would’ve used different punctuation here, but I think that what you’ve done is so much better than what I would’ve done with it.

The separation of the ‘He remembers’ adds to the power, and it actually emphasises both the ‘Silence’ line and the ‘he remembers’ line. I personally see the separation as showing his separation from his family, as well, and the Silence is so un-Weasley. Their house is always going to be busy “ they have seven children, not to mention Fred, George and Ginny!

The imagery of lists, a tally, was very poignant. Lists are (to me at least) objectifying and boring and I don’t like them. The mundane nature of a list is so different to and unworthy of the vibrancy of life, especially the lives of the people he knows and remembers: his family, friends, people he loves.

Grrr…I hate Yaxley right now. He is evil, and the juxtaposition of gleeful Yaxley and the grinning shark draws such a brilliant comparison.

Silence, silence, silence. It’s so brilliant. He’s avoiding everyone. These people all think he’s still being a pompous prat, but he’s really been humbled. You’ve made me sympathise with Percy so much.

For want of something to critique, nitpick, or anything, I actually can’t find anything. This review is unworthy of your poem. You are just amazing Minna. This poem is so beautifully woven with hate and pain and silence, and it’s so powerful. I don’t know how you do it, really I don’t. Incredible.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. On lists: I quite like them (as does Percy, I imagine), but yes certainly the lists at the least distanced Percy from living life happily. He has a lot of red in his ledger, even if he didn't directly do anything. And I'm very glad I made you sympathize with Percy (and hate Yaxley. Grrr Yaxley); he's one of my favorites, and I like telling his story.

Reviewer: Harrypotterlover1
Date: 10/05/11 23:51
Chapter: He remembers

Love it!!!

Author's Response: :DD

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