Reviews For The Prince's Love
Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 09/28/12 22:17
Chapter: The Prince's Love

First off, I just want to say that I was moved. This not only was beautiful, the structure was so mature! I loved how you framed the poem.

The first time he saw her
They were both so young
The world was new
The world was theirs
The Prince had found love


One, I like that each stanza is five lines. Not too short but not too long. :) Also, I like that your first line has to do with time in almost every stanza, and then the third and fourth stanza mirror each other in word choice. Then the last line, always about love... Your anaphora is just gorgeous! It really helps the poem feel as one unit than separate ideas. I also like the simplicity in your diction, which allows the sophisticated structure shine through. I'm rather jealous. :)

Time spent happily
They became fast friends
Learning about each other's lives
Learning about themselves
She was the Prince's Love


The emphasis that he loved her and not necessarily the other way around is rather poignant in your poem. She found in him a friend, and certainly loved him, but as a friend, not the way Snape desired her. I rather enjoyed the emphasis that while learning about each other, they also learned about themselves, which is important about relations with others.

Time couldn't stop for them
They couldn't stay in happiness forever
Growing up was inevitable
Growing apart was too
Yet she was still the Prince's Love


Oh, cruel time! How it can change everyone. I really liked the emphasis on that in this stanza. :) yet, despite it all, he still loved her. It makes me cry!

Pride, reputations, and destiny got in the way
He refused to change his ways
She cried for what they used to have
She cried for what could have been
She was always the Prince's Love


This is where there is a slight break from the structure. I would have found the first line to have more of an impact if it had used the word time or referred to it. I can sort of relate things getting in the way to being "busy," a time word, but I feel you could have used that word for effect and to keep your structure. Other than that, I loved that it made Lily just as sad as it made Severus, and she wanted to stay friends, but found that life jut wouldn't permit it.

No longer even cordial
He hopelessly watched her leave
She had moved on to better things
She had moved on from him
The Prince's love remained


See, the first line uses "longer," another time related word, which is great! And this stanza really pulled at my heart- the fact that she moved on, but he couldn't. I connected to Severus at this point. :)

Then she was gone
Her heart no longer beat
Part of her lived on in her son
Part of her lives on in him
The Prince's love would live forever


I suppose "then" can be related to time, but again, I think you need another reference to time, to really emphasize that time doesn't wait for us to do what is right. I did, however, like how you showed that Harry carried on Lily's legacy. ;)

It was his time to rejoin her
This was the end for him
He had seen his eyes
He had seen her eyes
Always, she was the Prince's Love


Augh!!!! The eyes that always captivated him! Poor Severus!!!!!! This was a beautiful way to end the poem and also allude to the fact that Snape looked into Harry's eyes before dying- though he probably felt like he was looking at Lily's eyes for the last time. It's amazing how eyes can play a vital role as a symbol of not only being a window to the soul but also a vehicle to portray emotion!!!!!!!! :)

I loved this poem so much!!!!!!!! I think a few changes can be made so the structure becomes that much more stronger, but overall it was gorgeous and really well written!

~Nagini Riddle

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
At the Battlefront by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
The Final Battle at Hogwarts rages on as the victims question whether or not...
Crocus by Equinox Chick 3rd-5th Years
Four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Andromeda Tonks exists only for her...
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd 6th-7th Years
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES