I don't really know anything about poetry, and I don't think I've ever heard of pantoums before, so I really have no idea if you did a terrible job of it. But I really doubt you did. To me, it read really well. The repetitions (which I assume are part of the form) flowed so beautifully and it was great subject matter to have those sorts of repetitions.
Yes, after all this time. That was a great way to end it, I think it's just so Snape, because he never did forget her.
Anyway, great poem. I really enjoyed reading it.
Author's Response: Katrina! It's nice to get two visits from you in one day, particularly after a long, boring day of shopping. :D
I think Minna/minnabird once mentioned pantoums in her poetry thread over on the boards, but I only really understood the form when Julia set up the challenge for Poetry Anyone. Thank you for saying it read well -- that means a lot :)
The repetitions are part of the form, and I'm glad you thought it flowed well too. Thank you for such a lovely review, Katrina! I really appreciate it.
i'm not a good writer (actually i'm around only to read XD), so i don't have specific suggestions to give you. the only thing i can tell you is that i really like it, the repetitions are well chosen, they are in the right places. great job!
Author's Response: I love reviews of all sorts :) Thank you very much for your review, and I'm very glad and flattered that you liked it.
Merlin that's hard! Nice job, though. I think you picked a great subject to write this particular form about, because the repetition fits so well with the idea of 'Always.' I like that you not only talk about his constant love, but that he was ashamed of his actions, because I think he should be. He may have acted out of love, but he didn't always act *nice.* /Snape gripe. ;)
Anyway - what about depersonalizing the eyes in the first stanza and changing 'they' to 'that': He looked into her eyes, that watched him as he died. 'They' just seemed a bit off for eyes as opposed to people. And maybe using a 'Yet' in the third stanza would emphasize the contrast between his love and his shame: Yet when he joined her above, of his actions he was ashamed. Just a few suggestions if you are looking for them. :)
Author's Response: Gina :) First off, thank you for such a lovely review! It's great to get a response on this bag of... dragon dung.
I know, it was the hardest form of poetry I had ever written, tbh. I'm glad you thought I did a good job of it. And yes, of course Snape was ashamed! I hate that Sevgirls kind of ignore this altogether, so I thought it right to address it.
As soon as I get home from school, I will definitely edit the poem in accordance to your suggestions, which were very helpful, so thank you muchly! Seriously, I love it when you review my poetry.