First off, I want to express how beautiful this poem was. It made me want to cry.
The night is starless when you sleep
All shadow, memories
Beneath the dark hood of your eye
You see her angel face
It's come back through time and space
To haunt your hidden heart
Yet even in the waking hours
She's never left your side
The imagery is just so beautiful! I love the contrast of dark hood to angel. That was genius! I am left feeling empty and sad, just like Snape.
You whisper her name
In the mist it's just the two of you
Lying together where none can reach
When in truth you lay alone
Oh how the imagination can torture us! I really love the repeat of "Lily" because it really let's me see the poor man crying her name. And I can relate to him thinking about her as he lies in bed, his life no longer bright and cheery. Sigh. I am now despondent....
Her back is turned
Shining hair like bleeding fire
All passion and your soul
It glimmers though there is no light
Soft to the touch and rich
Ooh!!!!! Bleeding fire! That has to be my favorite description of the entire piece. So beautiful an tragic! And yet, it is soft. I am imagining a fire-flower with soft, dewy petals...
Lily look at me!
You stretch out your hand
But in this state she's moving farther away
Looser than inconstant air
Just beyond your longing grasp
Oh this reminds me of my own poem about Snape, titled "Hear Me." It's not on the archives yet, but in my own poem, he is desperate for Lily's attention. I feel that way with this poem- he wants her to look at him and not leave! It reminds me also of dreams when no matter how hard you try, you can't make out the faces around you, and sometimes you just can't control the dream...
Lily don't leave!
It's the cry wrought from your lips
Stringing the fibers that you're made of
Into a rope to hold her back
And still she's walking toward the edge
To fall where you are blind
Wow! This imagery is very striking. I love the fibers being woven into a rope! And the fact that she is going where Snape can't makes my heart break. The edges of cliffs are dangerous!!!!! No, Lily!
At last she faces you for a moment
Once more before the last
The soft, sad smile on her mouth
Breaks you apart on the floor
Yet her eyes as green as brand new life
Can only put you back together
And her lips part as if to speak
To damn you or answer your prayers
The silence of the stillness around
Chokes back your bated breath
Then everything is ripped away
Mist, love, dreams, and her
All fading into nothingness
As daylight stabs your hopes
You wake to a new day of no color
Dim compared to the ghost's glow
Sweat lingers on your corpse dead skin
You're dead without her there
Agony flows from your eyes
The drops are green
You weep where none can see you
Over the words she'll never say.
Oh my goodness. She finally turns around, but it taunts him!!! And the color green is so beautiful in this poem. What an imagery!!! I imagine tiny drops reflecting the emerald color of Lily's eyes.
And a day of no color! I see a bleak gray nothingness. The only thing I found superfluous was "corpse dead skin." I think that it interrupts the flow of language. Perhaps change "corpse" to "coarse" because the "p" sound in "corpse" makes the line a bit of a mouthful and hinders the rhythm. But other than that, I can really feel the agony of Snape's pain, and I love how you used "you" because it makes me actually feel like Severus, without even realizing it. Great job!
This poem was just- I can't think of a better word for magnificent. I could really feel the emotions and see the imagery here. What a talent! I wonder how long it took you to write this. :)
Keep it up! I want to read more of these types of poems!!!
~Nagini Riddle (contemplating if killing Severus was a good deed...)
This is so amazing.
This is so amazing.