You hate me.
You are bawling in your dormitory and
It's all my fault you say, but
I have absolutely no idea
What the bloody hell is going on.
Typical of men!!!!! They never understand what is going on. Of course, we women don't give them much to go off of... But I love how you made Hermione like... Hermione! Bawling in her room! Very nice imagery, and I could picture it so well. I felt bad for Ron, because I kind of knew how he felt. You have me hooked! I also like the directness used, which makes it seem like Ron is actually saying this.
You despise me.
Okay, so maybe it was my fault
But I can snog whomever I like,
And don't you think you're being
A bit dramatic?
On the defensive! I again enjoyed how abrupt Ron was and I also loved the way you write each first line. They get gradually nicer. :) And Ron is right. He can do whatever he wants to- but the consequences, he has to watch out for. And Hermione being upset is one of them. Isn't that nice? :)
You pity me.
I left for a reason, and
as far as I'm concerned
your ruddy Horcruxes can go and
jump off a cliff.
Ooh! Snippy and rude! Just like Ron. You captured his language so well! I am very impressed. I have a tendency to not be so abrupt in my writing, but this works so well for Ron. I can imagine him, storming off and Disapparating, shouting that he doesn't want to be part of the search anymore.
You need me.
My eyes open wide
As your screams tear my heart out.
If it's the last thing I do,
I'll kill that woman.
Now this was just beautiful. I like the imagery coming into play, and I can feel Ron's loyalty to Hermione as he plots to kill Bellatrix. I especially loved the first line, followed by the the next two heartbreaking lines. The simplicity of Ron's language just allows the story to unfold, and I can't find any way to make it better.
You love me.
My heart soars in triumph,
We found each other, and I don't care
That Harry's watching, we are together
And I intend for us to stay that way.
Yay! My only crit- I think that you could have italicized "love" in the first line to really emphasize it. But other than that, I felt really happy, and the gradual change you used from hate to love was just splendid! Great job! You captured Ron's voice magnificently.
I also loved the title. "Ron Retorts" sounds so appropriate, especially after reading the poem, because it captures his character well, and also the relationship that Hermione and Ron have developed.
Keep it up! I want to see some more poems/stories, especially those that capture Ron!!!!!
did you just put the entire R/Hr story in 5 stanzas?? thats brilliant
Author's Response: Thank you! I tried to give Ron a voice on his side of the relationship, so I wrote this to go with my other R/Hr poem.