MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
06/13/12 0:55 · For:
This story was such a blast to read. I'm beaming right now. Under a different username, I played in the first QWC and was involved in refereeing later on as well, and I cannot begin to tell you how excited it makes me to read such a fabulous entry several years later.
First and foremost, I must compliment you on the flow. Having this story sound like it comes from a single author, when in fact four people came together to write it, is one of the most impressive accomplishments you can have while writing for the QWC, and I want to applaud all of you for making it seem so effortless in the finished product!
Second, I've got to appreciate the plot, specifically the way the characters balanced out. In this Quidditch plot more than any other I've read, I got the sense that "there is no 'I' in 'team'." This match was so personally important to Oliver as his last professional game, but what stood out to me more than anything else was how limited he was in his ability to influence the results of the game. Yes, he could save a goal or two, and fight for his team--but every single one of his teammates had to fight as hard as he did in order to bring about this victory. Oliver ends the game with that speech about how the trophy belongs to the team and not to him alone, but that was just a reiteration of the underlying theme of this plot. I appreciated your focus on all the characters of the game, though Oliver was the character to whom you kept returning to throughout the narrative. It was a good balance between the solo spotlight for our favorite former Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and the efforts of his team. In terms of character dynamics, I especially enjoyed the Angelina-Oliver tone--it's hard to bring bits and pieces of canon into QWC submissions because detailed accounts of Quidditch games are so far removed from what the books themselves are about, but in that relationship, I quickly flashed back to my favorite moments of Gryffindor Quidditch games during the book series.
The facet of this story which I appreciated most also happens to be what I perceive to be as its only flaw. The emotions woven into this game, the feelings Oliver has, the memories--all of these make this game so very personal. You have incredible descriptions of the techniques, but it's really the stories behind the game that captivate me. A good example is the Sloth-Grip Roll... when Angelina does it, it's cool, but when Oliver flashes back to his first lesson to his teammates about the technique, that really makes me smile and enjoy the moment. However, I'm worried that you included a few too many memories--Oliver keeps telling himself to focus right before or after memories happen, and to be honest, I agree with him! Oliver's the type to put Quidditch above all else, even his own personal emotions (at least until after the game ends--remember that time he tried to drown himself in the locker-room after a match where Gryffindor lost?), so I have a hard time seeing him letting his mind drift off so many times during such a critical game. If at all possible, I would strongly consider re-reading this story and looking carefully at each non-technical tangent to examine its necessity to the plot itself. If you could cut a few memories, I wouldn't find Oliver's lack of focus so uncharacteristic, I think.
Other than that, bravo, dear authors! You really, really nailed this story and it was such a joy to read. Wonderful work. :)
Author's Response: On behalf of myself and my teammates, I'd like to say thank you for the amazing review! =) We worked really hard to get this fic together, and we put a time into it. My only regret with this piece is that we were unable to claim victory in the QWC that round. I am however wholeheartedly proud of my players, this piece was a team effort, and all of them were absolutely fantastic. Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I'm glad that you enjoyed.
(Signed) · Date:
06/01/12 1:07 · For:
I love this! I think teaching suits Oliver... :)
Author's Response: Thank you!