I've commented on this already on Poetry Anyone, but I wanted to squee about it again :) This is an amazing poem, just gorgeous. I honestly felt rather teary rereading it, Carole, and I can see how hard it was to say goodbye to the Marauders.
And I loved that you had one stanza for each Marauder... and that last stanza -- *sniff*
Well done :)
Author's Response: Thanks Soraya. I enjoyed writing this even though I struggled with it so really appreciate the review. ~Carole~
Carole, that was gorgeous! The villanelle at its best.
I've never been much fond of villanelles, almost entirely because of all the requisite repetition of the two lines (and it's so hard to find good lines that make sense and sound good together in the first stanza and separately in the rest). But, in this villanelle, you’ve chosen the absolute perfect lines. The repetition was not annoying and served a good purpose. Not only did it ingrain the message more firmly that we all eventually die and that they all died for the same reason, albeit differently, but it also added a solemnity and a rhythm, like the tolling of a bell at a funeral.
I’d say that your ‘attempt at a goodbye’ succeeded. Very well done.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I moaned a lot when we were first challenged to write villanelles by Julia, but I rather like them now. I think you're right that the repeating lines have to mayyer, and that's the key to this form of poetry. I'm pleased you think this successful. Thanks again, ~Carole~
I like it! I like how each stanza was about one Marauder. What a sad fate they had. :( This poem seems to have layers, which is also neat. And I think your rhyme and rhythm is really good. Lovely poem! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thanks Gina. The form of the villanelle lent itself to having a stanza per Marauder and then two extra. Glad you liked it ~Carole~
Hahahaha, now who's writing villanelles without being required to do so?
At any rate, mickey-taking aside, this really is a gorgeous poem. Not only is the villainous villanelle most suited to the subject matter — four boys-come-men who all met their end one by one — it also aptly shows that each man died in different ways.
The way you captured the essence of each Marauder's death was so good. James stood up to an impossible enemy unarmed because he couldn't NOT. Sirius just kind of... poof. Peter died like a traitorous coward who realised that he had erred on several accounts. And Remus died like a BAMF in battle. Worf would be proud.
Really, though, the last stanza is melt-worthy, and the imagery of an unravelling knot is so apt and perfect. I get the mental visual of a plait that first gets a few flyaways, the a few larger chunks fall out, and then it's just a ball of frizz/no more. That probably sounds ridiculous, but it fits in my head.
Great poem, Croll, and congrats on doing well in the challenge!
Author's Response: OOOOH, thank you, especially for the observation about 'unravelling' because I was literally seconds away from changing that to 'unstitched' but it didn't scan as well. The unravelling makes more sense, as well, when you put it like that.
I'm still mourning my Marauders (not Peter, so much), but yeah, Worf would have been proud. 'Today is a good day to die.' *sob* Thank you, StormRose.