MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Reviews For Look at Me

Name: Ariana84 (Signed) · Date: 03/10/12 4:45 · For: Chapter 1
A really nice little story that has a lot of "between the lines" content, making it really meaningful and making the reader really have to track the dialogue, tone, and actions of the characters to get an accurate impression of what has happened. Seems true to the characters portrayed in the orginal books too. Enjoyed reading it!

Name: Ithinkrabis2people (Signed) · Date: 02/29/12 17:30 · For: Chapter 1
Hiya. I really enjoyed your fic, so I thought I’d leave you a decent review!

OK, I’m going to talk mostly about the characterisation, which I think you’ve done very well, particularly with Severus: he’s rather “superior” (both to Muggles, but also to Lily “ the bit where he’s “pleased by her curiosity”, and the bit where he describes her clarification that it’s Petunia calling as “unnecessary”, are quite condescending, which suits him), but also sentimental (when he picks up that feather at the end), and I can see how that becomes bitterness with the past when he’s older. I’m not so sure of your interpretation of Lily, because I’ve always seen her as quite indominable, and in this she’s a little quieter “ although it’s interesting to me, because I often see fics where Lily is the dominant one and Severus is just fawning after her (which is far worse!), I do wonder if that’s quite how she should behave… of course, it’s your interpretation, and I completely respect that “ I just like to play devil’s advocate in reviews!

Still, even though Severus is the more overtly dominant one (he’s the one passing on information, guiding the conversation, etc), there is a subtle power dynamic between him and Lily: she almost rebuffs him (I think?), and he still doubts that she wants to be near him, that she’ll come back, even though he firmly asserts that she keeps her promises. It’s interesting to me because it sort of places the power in their relationship back in her hands, even though he’s been the more assertive one for the majority of the fic. It’s quite subtle, but I think it’s an accurate assessment of them: he wants to impress her when she’s around, so he shows off a little, but there’s always this nagging fear that she won’t come back…

Stylistically, I think you write very natural sounding dialogue, which is hard to pull off, so well done there! I must admit, I do prefer these sorts of “dialogue-driven” pieces, because I think they add an additional dimension to the characterisation: rather than just getting the character’s thoughts, we can juxtapose their internal processes with how they actually interact with others, which I think is far more revealing: this can be a difficult balance to achieve, between dialogue and internal monologue, but you’ve got it about right, with no long, rambling passages of either “ the thoughts break up the dialogue and vice versa, which really works here.

Plot-wise, this is very simple: in real terms, this conversation would take about ten minutes, at the very most? However, you cover a great deal of ground within it, both with the present state of the relationship and alluding to the potential for their relationship to change in the future. It’s a little hard for me to talk about plot in great detail, because there isn’t really a great deal that “happens”, but that is sort of the point “ what you’ve produced is a snapshot of their relationship (a conversation in the park, presumably over the summer between 4th and 5th years), but elaborated it in order to reveal more about the characters. I’d be very proud to have written such a comprehensive character study!

So, all in all, I really do like this. I think you’ve captured their relationship very succinctly, and there’s a really good insight into Severus here with regards to the nostalgia becoming (arguably) an obsession. A very nice fic!

Name: MissMeg (Signed) · Date: 02/01/12 1:51 · For: Chapter 1
Thought that you did a wonderful job with the tone of the story, and I really like how the feel of the story changed as the piece progressed. It transitioned from relaxed and peaceful to somewhat sad. All the transitions felt effortless, which I thought suggested the closeness of their friendship. By that, I mean that it felt that they interacted together naturally, rather than the somewhat awkward interactions seen in “The Prince’s Tale” when their friendship is beginning to break off.

I liked the peaceful and relaxed feeling with which you began the story. I could easily picture the gentle wind, the trees, and the grass; through that I was able to get an idea of what Snape was feeling at the beginning without much explanation on your part. Lily then broke that quiet peace with her laughter, but it still felt like Snape was completely relaxed with her. A number of the stories I’ve read which depict Lily and Snape’s relationship show a more angsty side to the relationship, so it’s a nice change to see a more relaxed, happy view of their relationship.

I think Lily’s enquiries about Snape’s potion book and Snape’s replies showed a lot about their relationship in a very concise and subtle manner.. Lily’s reaction to Snape’s rather casual put down of James and Sirius did make me pause for a second. I initially thought that Lily biting her lip and averting her eyes was in reaction to the comment about James and Sirius. And, until Lily and Snape’s friendship breaks off, I got the impression that Lily was also very scornful of James and Sirius, and I’d have thought that she would rather agree with Snape about them showing off rather than paying attention. As that really didn’t make much sense, I guessed that Lily’s reaction was more in response to Snape’s blasé attitude toward a rather dangerous potion. I get the impression that Snape’s thought Lily had reacted to James and Sirius’s names, and I suppose that type of thing is probably what fueled his jealously of James. I suspect what Lily was reacting to was his attitude toward possibly dark magic. In other words, I liked how the multiple interpretations of Lily’s reaction and the interpretation Snape seemed to choose hinted at the tensions in their relationship, which would later lead to the breaking off of that relationship.

Snape makes Lily promise to meet him again the next day, which I thought really alluded to his insecurity about their friendship. In “The Prince’s Tale”, Snape is shown to have very, very little self esteem, and I think you really suggested that when Snape presses Lily to promise to meet him again even after she’s already agreed to come. He doesn’t seem confidant enough about Lily’s friendship to trust she’ll return to him. In addition to his jealousy, I think Snape’s insecurity about Lily’s affection for him and the lack of trust he has in her, which stems from that, was one of the major factors in the breaking off of their friendship.

When Petunia called Lily, and Snape begged her to stay a little longer, I think greatly showed Snape’s dependency on Lily. He’s described as anxious about her leaving, which also suggested to me his emotional reliance on Lily’s friendship. When Lily leaves him to go home, Snape is shown dwell on their relationship, by picking up the feather and running his hand over where Lily was sitting. Even after Lily has left, Snape still is completely focused on her, and taking the feather home, suggested to me that he’s always thinking about their friendship and further alluded to Snape’s emotional dependence on Lily.

I genuinely enjoyed this story. You did a wonderful job providing a snapshot of Snape and Lily’s relationship and showing the relaxedness as well as the underlying tensions between them. I very much hope that you continue to write fanfiction here, and I look forward to reading anything you write in the future.

Name: PerfectInTheEyesOfErised (Signed) · Date: 09/29/11 19:14 · For: Chapter 1
It was okay but I guess I wasn't really in the mood for a Lily-Severus story, I'm kind of looking for some action with the Marauders. Regardless of that fact, it was brilliant. You captured the characters so well. I was just reading The Prince's Tale this morning and that was, in my opinion, a very good extension on one of his memories.

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