Eager for more! It's great so far :)
Author's Response: Woo! Well thanks! I'll try and get crackin' on chapter three (I'm actually working on it right now, believe it or not!).
Interesting...So, if neither of them wrote the notes...Then who did? My curiosity is emince. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Yes, very curious... We shall see, we shall see! ;D
I thought it was brilliant; you have a way with words. Hmm... about the ending; I say surprise me! Whatever direction you think the story should go, because you are the author, after all. I think I would be happy with whatever ending you come up with :)
Author's Response: Well thank you! I've pretty much decided where I want the ending to go, but if you ever have any suggestions, just let me know! I'm always open to new ideas. :)
(Strange I didn't see this one, you're talkin to Quinn about something on FB though so I checked here...I dunno if you care for my ramblings but I'll say them anyway because I've nothing better to do right now ._.)
Again, nice job on the harmony between the character [Hermione's] thoughts/feelings and what was physically going on. At some parts I felt like there was too much mention of her mental self but it seemed to add to the agonizing suspense throughout. Guess it worked out is what I'm saying. And yes, it was very suspenseful and enjoyable...until you completely kicked me in the face (aka "surprised" me) at the kiss.
In some ways I feel like you could just stop where you did as it's a nice closing ending in how Draco sees the engagement ring and leaves. Then again this IS a fan-fic and anything can happen. Still, I'd personally finish it by having Hermione chase after Draco for a bit with him verbally biting her at every corner. Then you could have some cheesy ending where Ron comes in and finally takes her heart for his own and all 'love' for Draco in it is eliminated. Dunno, it's your story not mine. (I think you already have Chapter 2 written anyway)
Now let's talk about the overall presentation of this story: COMMAS GIRL, DO YOU KNOW HOW THEY WORK?! They aren't quite as prevalent as the last story with Ginny, but at some points it still reaaaalllly bothers me how you throw them in there. I could easily help you with them if you want. At some points there's random letter/number combos too (like "r13" and such) but I don't think that's entirely your fault. Watch the italics too because a few times Hermione would think to herself and it'd say "she thought" or something, but it was also in italics and made it seem like she was narrating her own thinking xD.
So yeah, this ends my now-standard super-long-ass-review. Feels like I'm forgetting to say things, but oh well.
Well, I'm glad you think it worked out, because I agonized over this chapter. And that's the thing; it's not supposed to be about what physically is going on around her or what she herself is doing. It's about what she's feeling, and whether or not what she's feeling will ultimately be the demise of her and Ron's relationship. You'll have to explain to me how the kiss surprised you so badly, although I admit that kind of makes me happy. xD
I actually almost stopped at the end of this chapter and had him just leave her behind, but that'd be no fun! I can't exactly reveal what happens, although I can honestly say I've got it all planned out. And yes, I've got Chapter 2 written and submitted and Chapter 3 outlined and ready to be written.
Seeing as you're the only one who's ever made any comment about my use of commas, I'm kind of starting to think it might just be you... :P The random letter/number combos are those really long "dash marks" as you might call them. If you don't know what I'm talking about... Yeah, not quite sure what to tell ya! Yes, I've also noticed the italics issure. If you ever start writing for this site (which I hope you do! :D) you'll begin to find that sometimes the text gets a bit messed up somewhere between adding the chapters and them getting posted.
Thanks for the review, Matty! :)
I'm loving this! You really need to write more. It's hard to find really great authors like this. I really like the summary, by the way.
Author's Response: Thank you! Nice to hear people actually Luke the shenanigans that I write... Haha! I'm working on another story besides this one, so once the queue gets all caught up hopefully I'll be posting more often. I really appreciate you taking the time to review. :)
fantastically written, love how hermoine's passion is expressed. it should end with a twist, try to bring in something the reader doesn't expect.
Author's Response: Thanks, Gimpy. :) I rewrote this chapter at least three times; first to change it from a one-shot to a chaptered fic, then to make it more romantic, and then decided that Hermione isn't exactly a girly-girl (I mean, her two best friends are guys), so I tried to tone down the drama. Anywho, thanks for the suggestion about the ending. I'll definitely keep it in mind. :)
Ooh, great start! Very intriguing. Makes me what to read more! Keep up the good work! As for the ending, I'm not sure. Just see where the story takes you. :)
Author's Response: Well I'm very glad you want to read more. I'll take your advice and "keep up the good work"! :)
so amazing! I would love to read the rest!
Author's Response: Well I'm very glad to hear that! I was on vacation and (blast it!) left all of my notes for chapter two at home, but I'm back now and working as hard as I can to get this chapter done! :)