Reviewer: socks2
Date: 03/08/13 8:52
Chapter: Harry's story in verse

Really cool! I like the rhythm in this one; very catchy.

Author's Response: Thank you. Glad you enjoyed :)

Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 10/04/12 5:17
Chapter: Harry's story in verse

Oh limericks. They make things have such a goofy feel to them.

I rather liked how you were able to lay out Harry's life in this poem. It sounds like you had fun, though I'm sure trying to keep the rhythm and rhyme was a hassle.

There are some spots that just didn't flow right with the rhythm. I would reread it out loud and find what I'm talking about, because some lines felt too long, and others felt a little forced. The one stanza that really stood out in this matter was this one:

Some good years he spent learning in bliss
Never knowing that much was amiss
Then year four came along
And it all fell to wrong
Voldemort was back from the abyss


Notice that the last line doesn't fit with rhythm? There is an extra syllable that is causing the line to feel jagged. First, "Voldemort" doesn't seem to fit with the rhythm. This has a "duh duh dun duh duh dun duh duh dun" rhythm, and Voldemort doesn't seem to fit that pattern. You want inflections to dip here and there, because that's what a limerick does. I realize that you have nine syllables for the first two lines and need it for the last one, but the nine syllables used doesn't seem to work. I would change the line to "The Dark Lord did come back from the mist."

Just make sure to read your poems out loud. It is easier then to spot things like punctuation and grammar and rhythm. ;)

Other than that, I had a fun time reading this ditty about Harry! It was light-hearted and a great way to remember the hero.

~Nagini Riddle

Reviewer: EatMyPixieDust
Date: 07/16/11 19:23
Chapter: Harry's story in verse

Superbly written! Most of the rhythm flowed perfectly, and it was witty as a Limerick should be.

Author's Response: Thanks, so glad you appreciated it. Limericks are so fun :)

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