I really love it so far! The idea that a girl was wearing a raincoat without rain was very creative, nicely done. I'm excited for what comes next! ^__^
Author's Response: I am so glad you are enjoying the story and like the raincoat! Raincoats are the best, but I never get to use them where I live. :(
Hello! I have to say that it was a very intriguing first chapter. Your writing is whimsical, and I love whimsical writing, so I was bound to get pulled in. But other than that, I think you have an original plot on your hands, and I'm seriously excited to see where it goes. I caught an error, but that has been mentioned by the reviewer below me. I also noticed a few punctuation issues - missing apostrophe, dialogue punctuation errors - minor things which you could correct with a swift read. Nitpicks aside, this is one of the most gripping story to have come out lately, and I plan to follow it. ~Natalie
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review! Punctuation has never been my strong point (which is a direct result of reading books published in a myriad of countries and refuse to use consistant punctuation:)) However, I will try to be more careful in the future. I am glad you are enjoying it! The next chapter will be up soon (hopefully).
Hi there, I was intrigued by your summary, so thought I would give your story a whirl especially as Fred jnr is such an underwritten character and yours sounds original. You immediately drew me in with your opening paragraphs and the girl with the yellow raincoat sounds suitably mysterious (I'm thinking a Luna connection because of the colour)
I did notice a few Americanisms. Sorry, I'm a Brit and so I tend to be annoyingly pedantic about such matters, but we wouldn't say or thing 'loose jean pants' - we'd just say 'jeans' and pants are underpants in UK, so you can see why I wondered if she was wearing much on her lower half. We also don;t use the term 'Buddy', the bus driver would probably say 'Mate' instead.
I noticed a discrepancy in the fic. At the beginning you say he's cursing Muggles for not giving him a driving licence, yet at the end he's complaining because he's waiting for his car to be repaired - so ... um ... is he driving illegally?
Sorry, that's very nitpicky of me. This story has a very interesting premis and I look forward to the updates and especially to see why Fred is working undercover. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Yes, I am a sad mixture of nationalities, having lived in several different countries. I spent most of my time in America, which explains my tendencies towards Americanisms, and I have spent zero time in England, which explains my lack of knowledge of your terms. So thank you for pointing them out. I would have remained ignorant otherwise and will attempt to fix it in the future. Wow, upon rereading it, I see now where I messed that up.....I did not mean to do that. I am glad you have enjoyed it so far and thank you so much for your feedback!
Wow, I'm definitely intrigued! Add more soon!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it so far!