MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Nagini Riddle (Signed) · Date: 10/16/12 20:17 · For: Chapter 1
First off, I want to say that you had beautiful imagery. My favorite line was "mingle in me like a storm." I love how that ties into your title. :)

Now I want to talk about punctuation. I love that you branched away from the norm. I generally enjoy not using punctuation in poetry, too. However, I think in this case that punctuation would have been better to emphasize some certain points, like in the last stanza when "hope" doesn't stand out. Now, I realize that it could have been done on purpose, to indicate that hope is hidden within everything else and doesn't always surface. It could also indicate that hope is used so many times it has lost its meaning. But I am wondering if perhaps it should be emphasized a little more. It doesn't have to be with punctuation. By simply hitting "enter" and making the word its own stanza would help. That was just something I noticed. Again, it doesn't actually need punctuation. I'm just musing whether it's effective without it or not. I think in some cases it is, like with your first stanza. Each idea is very separate and disconnected, helping to give that illusion of a person trying to take it all in. So, I think you did a very nice job by leaving out cumbersome commas to really help make this piece more jerky in an emotional way.

However, the capitalization threw me off. I think it would have worked better to not use any capitalization. Making the "I" be lowercase would definitely help to emphasize insignificance or feeling detached. Making all the letters be lowercase would also contribute to the sense that the world is not as it seems anymore. Just a thought.

Overall, though, I really did enjoy how emotive this piece was. Pretty raw and simple, cultivating that hollow part in me. :) Good job!

~Nagini Riddle

Name: BrokenPromise (Signed) · Date: 07/29/12 23:18 · For: Chapter 1
This poem, like your other one, was good, and does have potential.

The opening stanza was lovely. The list of powerful emotions clearly showed Ginny’s character and actual feelings. The second stanza was also good, although I don’t think that ‘just for fun’ was necessary. I felt that it sort of diverted the poem from its sombre mood and theme of death and revenge. However, ‘Gone forever’ is definitely more powerful on two lines than one.

The repetition in the third stanza was effective. Normally, I would find repeating something three times unnecessary and irritating, but in this case I felt like it was an echo in the now empty halls of Hogwarts.

The fourth and fifth stanzas truly reflected Ginny’s spirit “ first her grief and then her desire for revenge. You show a depth to Ginny which is pleasing to read. Her Weasley traits of determination and inner fight really shine through in the fifth stanza.

The sixth stanza also contained some good imagery “ the suffocating guilt “ however, I feel that it would benefit from some punctuation. The final two lines would’ve been more powerful if there had been a question mark at the end of the first of the two lines. This would give the effect of Ginny actually questioning whether she’d done enough, which we know she had, but it just shows how corrosive guilt can be.

I really loved the seventh, eighth and ninth stanzas, because you showed a ‘Turn the other cheek’ kind of attitude. Your use of repetition to do this was very poetic.

The tenth stanza’s inner repetition was lovely. However, I think that changing ‘the loss’ to ‘the lost’ would be better, because then she’s crying for the people rather than everything. Although I do understand why she’d grieve for everything, it does make more sense to have a focus.

The final stanza, I felt, was definitely the best stanza: it is beautifully descriptive and the imagery truly represents hope. The extended metaphor is effective “ I genuinely felt hope bloom inside me for her, and I really connected to Ginny, despite not actually liking the character much.

As with your other poem, your use of repetition is effective, although I feel like you are overusing it a tiny bit sometimes. You show a connection to the character, and the imagery that you use is potent, but I would also like to see more of it. What isn’t powerful about “ripped my heart to shreds”?

I also think that your poetry would really benefit from some punctuation. To put punctuation into poetry, I tend to read it like prose and punctuate it as necessary. However, I understand if you prefer not to use it. Your poems do work well without it “ I just feel like you could convey more emotion in them with a few well-placed full-stops.

Overall though, I did like your poem, and I thank you for giving me an insight into a part of Ginny which I now feel sympathy for.

Name: Snowlily (Signed) · Date: 06/12/11 9:18 · For: Chapter 1
I definetley did like it, (very much) but I thought Tonks was one of the lovers?? Confusing, but I think I get it....=) If I tried to write a line like that, it would probably go on forever and get super confusing.

Author's Response: Oh, I worded that horribly. Tonks was one of the lovers, I was talking about her and Lupin. I just meant that she kind of came to mind too, but I mostly meant Colin. Whoops!

Name: Snowlily (Signed) · Date: 06/12/11 7:24 · For: Chapter 1
Excellent, extremely well written, I liked the idea of how she can't go get revenge, stoop to their level. I have a question, though. The friend that Ginny lost was Colin Creevy, right? I really loved the last paragraph... if only I could have thought of it first =)

Author's Response: That's so sweet, thank you! About the question, I was thinking of Colin Creevy, though Tonks momentarily came to mind as well when I wrote that line. I'm so glad you liked it!

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