Reviewer: Nagini Riddle
Date: 11/23/12 17:09
Chapter: Last Moments (Ends With You)

The title made me cry- which really got me, since I hadn't even started reading it yet! I'm rather jealous of your titles.

Anyways, then I realized from the summary that this must be about Remus and Tonks, so I again cried because that scene in the book was really terrible.

And then I actually read the poem- and I don't know how to put into words how it affected me. Goodness, I can't even critique it because it was so beautiful! Your first poem on MNFF??? You have a gift for poetry, then. :)

Eleanor, I am going to badger you to write more poems, because all the ones I've read are just so gorgeous! Please!!!! I am eager to read more of your poetry. :)

Okay, I suppose that is all. Like I said, this poem was magnificent, and I can't find fault, especially when it touches on such a tragic subject. ~Nagini Riddle

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, I can't believe I didn't see this! Thank you for the lovely review - I've been writing a bit of poetry lately so I plan to post some soon. :) ~Nora

Reviewer: WeasleyMom
Date: 07/30/12 2:21
Chapter: Last Moments (Ends With You)

Greetings, Nora. :) I know nothing of poetry, so take my words with a grain of salt... but I found the simplicity of this beautiful and heartbreaking. Really lovely. ~Lori

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Lori! :)

Reviewer: BrokenPromise
Date: 07/29/12 22:39
Chapter: Last Moments (Ends With You)

This was a nice poem, especially for a first try.

To state the obvious, this poem repeats. The repetition of the 'You and I' stanza at the end was powerful, but I don't think that the one before it was necessary. On that note, I think the poem would've been more powerful if you'd put the first stanza after the second, because then the poem would've opened and closed on the same stanza.

The stanza in question, is, on its own, very nice, although a tiny bit cliche. I did like your spacing though, especially of the last line, as it really emphasises that Tonks' life is all about being with Remus.

The first stanza was simple, and I quite liked it. However, I felt like it should've perhaps been an echo of the third stanza rather than the other way (or at least that's how it felt to me). If you perhaps moved it between the fourth and fifth stanzas, I think it would work better.

The third stanza was the best one in terms of imagery. It really described the actual atmosphere of the battle, and the last line was especially good in that it showed their feeling of hopelessness, despite the fact that they are fighting and they are actually doing something.

I wasn't so keen on the fourth stanza, to be honest. The first half was good, but the 'I didn't think it'd happen' line just felt a little bit out of place in the whole poem. The 'here and now' lines though, despite the preceding line feeling a little out of place, did emphasise the imminence of death, and how Tonks has actually realised what she's doing and what's about to happen to her.

I liked the fifth stanza much better. I think that you could've omitted the 'she' at the beginning of the third line and added a ‘with’ in the middle of the first line, which would let the entire stanza flow as a single sentence. Also, you may want to change retched to wretched, as to retched means to regurgitate your last meal...

If you sort of rearranged the poem, I think that it would flow a little better. I think it could also use some punctuation, although it works alright without. For example, if you were to put a colon after mine in the sixth stanza, it would put an emphasis on Tonks' realisation that these were actually their last moments. Punctuation would just make the poem more potent.

All in all though, this poem does convey the poignancy of Tonks and Lupin's last deaths. As I said, it’s good for a first try. I hope to read more of your poetry, as it does have great potential.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your lovely comments - I am in awe of every poem I've read of yours, so it's lovely to get comments from you! I wrote this quite a while ago, so I agree with most of your comments - I can't believe I didn't notice retched/wretched ... I laughed out loud at that, actually. :) Anyway, thanks again! :)

Reviewer: sisena
Date: 05/30/12 0:16
Chapter: Last Moments (Ends With You)

It's Tonks and Lupin, isn't it? It's a lovely poem, especially for your first. Nice work!

Author's Response: Yeah, it is - thank you! :)

Reviewer: The Next Dark Lord
Date: 05/31/11 16:36
Chapter: Last Moments (Ends With You)

Aw....

Author's Response: Thank you!

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