That was brilliant. After reading this I don't know if I'll ever go back and finish my little mystery story. I don't remember if I wrote it in a review or not but I was starting to think the exchange student didn't exist. First time I've been right in a hunch. I'm old enough to remember Charlie's Angels but I grew up in the middle of nowhere and we didn't get that channel on our television.
I remember those prompts:D Those were the same ones I used in the story I started to write. I really have to go back and finish it one of these days. I'm still wondering who hexed James. And, where is the new girl?
I just read the story about Xanthe so I could use a little silliness:D It's nice to know that James and Lily and their friends had fun once in a while. Wonder about the new girl.
This was rather hillarious.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you. It was fun to write ... at times. Well, I liked the quiz James did. Thank you! ~Carole~
This was very fun to read, Carole. I loved how you took some well-worn cliches (eg the American exchange student who is beautiful and everyone - particularly Sirius - falls in love with) and turned them completely on their head!
You nailed everyone's character... I smiled at James and Lily's covert relationship (I mean communicating through magazines... really...). I also smiled when Lily thought something along the lines of "I have to go to the library and check this" - such a Hermione moment.
Dumbledore was very in character and rather amusing. I also liked how you incorporated the myth and Charlie's Angels - which I haven't actually seen (although I did know that Farrah Fawcett played Jill Munroe for some reason). But anyway, it made the story fun, particularly when James was reading the Muggle magazine.
Anyway, before I continue rambling... this was a very fun and enjoyable read.
Author's Response: Glad you liked this. It was a bit of fun and an indulgence to write, and to be honest I don;t think it's very good. However, I liked being silly with the cliches - hee hee. Thanks for reviewing. ~Carole~
Wonderfully written, Carole! I loved the way you wrapped everything up and gave a nice explanation for everything, particularly with all the details from the Odyssey, one of the few ancient epic poems that I haven't had the pleasure of reading yet. The Charlie's Angels reference had me giggling, particularly at James' exclamation. Also, the way you write Dumbledore is so believable! I think you did a really great job with all of this and I can't wait to see what else your writing brings! :) - Mercy
Author's Response: Thank you,Mercy. I'm in slight shock that people enjoyed this because it was so silly, plus the references to Odysseus and Charlie's Angels (especially Charlie's Angels) were pure indulgence on my part - hee hee. ~Carole~
Carole, this was such a lovely story. I think this is the second fic I've read with exchange students at Hogwarts -- I love most of my cliches, but usually they're not the exchange-student type. It was a great explanation and kind of made fun out of the whole exchange student cliche. I knew there was something fishy going on with Professor Fawcett! And it was really funny, when even Phyllida and Sonia seemed to fall for "Jill".
My only sort-of nitpick would be to add a mild language warning. Word like "shit", I think, warrant a language warning. It's not that I disapprove of swearing (although you already know that judging by my LJ entries -- hehe) but I just think it could do with the warning just in case. Other than that, good luck in the challenge! Are you doing the extra credit as well, now the deadline's been extended?
Author's Response: OOH, thanks, I'd forgotten about the mild profanity warning. I shall add that now. I'm not used to lower ratings. Umm, I'm not sure about the extra credit. I have another mystery in the writing, but cannot think of anything for the EC. Glad you liked the story. It was really rather silly, but it made me laugh as I wrote it. Thanks for the review ~Carole~
Cool. So someone is walking around having an extremely lucky day, huh. Poor James. Nicely done, though - the whole scene with Slughorn, and then with Dumbledore. And you keep weaving in this new girl and this strange effect she seems to have on everyone. Hmm, I wonder if the two things are connected?? Well, don't tell, you've done a nice job stringing things along, so please keep it up and good luck as you continue! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: I am glad you're enjoying this. It's so silly but it was fun to write it. The new girl ... she could be very important. Thank you for the review. ~Carole~
You actually managed to strike up a marauder cliché with an experienced writer’s finesse. Of course, I wouldn’t have expected anything less than that. Anyway, I’m one for Marauder clichés, too, although I don’t know why. Using the exchange-student route, you also managed to fit in your originality in there. I mean, usually the first chapters will say how much she’s gorgeous, amazing. . . oh wait, yeah, that was mentioned by Sirius. But the thing is, is that it was told by him without the character not coming directly in to the scene. I find it a change of scenery when it comes to that particular cliché you’re writing about. The exchange student always turns out to be a sort of enigma, attracts the hottest of boys, and somehow keeps that dark, mysterious secret. In your case, it really seems like you’ve got that as well, but at the same time, you don’t. Like I said, you managed to fit in your originality.
I have a good idea about who was stealing that Euphoria potion. I think that in the reader’s view, it’s actually pretty obvious. That was what you were going for, right? It’s Jill. Jill, I’m telling you! Anyway, the plot’s brewing pretty well with the mystery of how Jill is really like in person and why she’s stealing potions. Though I do wonder how she got hold of the location of the private stock of Slughorn’s potions pretty fast. I suppose someone conveniently showed her the way. I bet she’s using that or her super powers on her fellow students. I mean, even Sirius doesn’t act that harsh towards Lily about something silly as the new girl moving to another House. The reason she moved was because of James, wasn’t it? Because of her attacking him. Or maybe because of Lily? I wouldn’t put it past Jill to move Houses because there were muggle magazines on her bed. . . she might be a pureblood elitist. But then again, that wouldn’t really quite explain why she got around talking about muggles in America. I’m reading too much into it.
I love your James here. He’s absolutely adorable, trying to cover up his relationship with Lily and standing up to his friends’ teasing because of it. The scene where he gets caught reading the magazine was one of my favourites. I think it’s because it reminds me of my cousins who act much like them there. I think you’ve got James (and Sirius, too) down in a punch. What I mean: you really got their character. Lily, even. Slughorn, too. Okay, I might as well say everyone. All the characters were in-character, and the dialogues/banters are just. . . them.
Lovely story, even with the clichés going on. I do love reading those once in a while. Cheers!
Author's Response: Ha ha - you are so right with some of your conclusions, but I'm not going to tell you which ones - heh heh. I'm glad you like the cliche's in it. Hmm, her dark, tragic secret ... I wonder what that could be? The next (and last) chapter will be up fairly soon. I need to polish it a bit and then submit it. Thank you so much for the comprehensive review ~ Carole~
Oooooh! IT WAS JILL!!! Please update soon, this is fun :D First fanfic I've read in a year or two, hehe. I love how they have this secret relationship going on... I wonder how Dumbledore would respond to them having secret hook-up dates in a locked storeroom? You're cleverly playing with the American exchange cliche too, I've never really heard of it written from a FEMALE canon character's POV! I think you're doing it so well because you're not American! :p Fun story Carole, keep going!
Author's Response: The story is finished and all will be revealed soon - Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa. Anyway, thank you very much for the review and good to see you back here. ~Carole~
Ah, lovely once again! I do like how both James and Lily are unaffected by the new girl and the fact that they are keeping their relationship a secret. Actually, now thinking about it, Lily would probably have wanted it that way at first as a bit of a pride thing (the fact that she rejected James for so long but now was changing her mind). Great twist into the mystery aspect of this story and I quite like the idea of it. Wonderful job on the chapter and can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thank you, Mercy. The secret of the new girl will be revealed pretty soon because there's only one more chapter. ~Carole~
I love it! When is AudioFictions going to return?
Author's Response: Uhm, not sure about Audiofics. We're trying to get it up and running so it shouldn't be long. We have some new MerMuggles and editors, so watch this space. Glad you liked this story. ~Carole~
I have a very, very big problem with this fic, Carole. I can't believe you missed it.
If James and Lily are going to meet in secret, they do it on the Astronomy tower. Nowhere else. Ever. Understand?
Other than that huge huge plothole, though, I have to admit that this fic is great. It's amusing, it's intriguing, it's entertaining. I'm not entirely sure if by "he felt something break in his hands" you mean some part of the other's person's body but I guesswe'll wait and see if the American exchange studentcomes out wearing a cast. ^.^
I also really like the exchanges between the Marauders Marauders and Mary, and Avery and Regulus and all the conversations, actually, because you have such a knack of making them funny, yet genuine.
Can't wait for the next chapter :D
Author's Response: Darn it! I forgot the Astronomy Tower .... or did I? (Yes, I did - hee hee). Thank you for the review. You will discover what broke in the next chapter. This is fast paced and silly in fury, so don;t blink. Glad you like the dialogue. It's always my favourite part. ~Carole~
Nice cliffhanger! I really like that James and Lily are sneaking around, that's cute. Loved everyone's interactions, your Marauder dialogue is always so fun to read. I'm obviously curious who hexed James. Given my own history for beating him up in every single fic I've written about him, I'm definitely wondering about this American exchange student and your influences for her character. ;)
Great start, looking forward to more! And if you need help with American dialogue, I've got some experience! LOL! ~Gina ;)
Author's Response: I don;t need any help with the dialogue ... and that's not me being arrogant - ha ha. You'll find out why if you get to the end without your inner cliche radar making you wince. Thanks for the review, Gina. ~Carole~
Ah, Carole! I love it! I'm actually really enjoying the clicheness of this and the different dynamics you've integrated. Also love James with the muggle magazines, haha. Great job with the characters and can't wait to read more! - Mercy
Author's Response: Thank you, Mercy. It's a bit of fun, and not very sirius. (giggle, the cliches have got hold of me)