I like this Pucey girl! Goyle is wonderfully dense. I like how you've used him as a catalyst for Draco. I still feel bad for Draco, but I have to admit he's getting a bit whiny. He needs some snark back. Loved the little details about Goyle's post-battle life and Draco's soujourn in Italy. Will keep reading...
Author's Response: Pucey is definitely too good for Goyle, but I think she loves being in control, and Goyle allows her to do that. Hehe. Glad you're liking it so far!
Aww, poor Draco. Nice job showing his lonliness, especially after he was caught spying on Goyle. That was amazing, that you could convincingly give Goyle a girlfriend, lol. I'm very intrigued by Astoria and wonder how Draco is going to win her over after her opening declaration. Nice start, Natalie!
Author's Response: I'm sorry I never responded. GAAAAH. I am glad you found Dater!Goyle convincing hahaha. Thanks for the review!~Natalie
:D brilliant story! I've never really enjoyed draco based stories as I find them quite dark , but I love this! I love how you've thought about his emotions and how he actually would feel rather than labeling him as mean,cruel and unloving like so many others do. :) So yeah well done!
Author's Response: Hey! Most Draco stories tend to be dark, so I decided to lighten things up a bit. :) I'm glad you like it. Thanks for the review, and I hope to get it done as soon as possible! ~Natalie
I'm really loving your story! It's nice to see Draco a little less suave; he's quite endearing this way! Your view of him 5 years post-war is very believable, and I can't wait to see what happens between him and Astoria! Great job!! :D
Author's Response: Hello Melina! I am glad you like the story so far. Hope you'll enjoy the rest. :) ~Natalie
Ha! I love love love Daphne, and that she makes him feel so at unease and "helpless". I hope we see more of her.
Your dialogue is just so fantastic, I never want the scenes to end. I just eat it all up.
Thanks for letting me know it was updated! I was smirking through this whole chapter, loved it!!
Author's Response: Thankssss! I'm glad you like Daphne - I love her so much! ~Natalie
Dear oh dear, I swear I'm going mad. I clicked on this and thought ... this is really familiar. *snort* Of course it is, you daft bint, you read it before - ha ha ha ha.
Love the story, but do have a nit-pick (Sorrryyyyyy)
“Ria has always liked fashion,
It's Tori - not Ria. Okay!!!111!!!!!
Author's Response: RIAAAA!!!111!111 And HAHAHAHA I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw your review. Thanks a lot! ~Natalie
i love this story :D keep up the good work:)
Author's Response: Thanks! :) I hope you like the rest. ~Natalie
Credit for Draco's little rhyme goes to fabtastic Equinox Chick/Carole/Croll. Shhhh, Julia will kick me out of PA.
Really enjoying this story. I like the background into Goyle and his change from gormless chump to reasonable chump.
Your Draco is great. He's still as selfish as he is in the books, but he's starting to face up to his utter fuckwittage.
Intrigued to see where this is going ... ~Carole~
Author's Response: *cough* Just realised I never responded to this. D: I like that you like the story. : D (Dunno what else to say as you've read the full story hahaha.) ~Natalie
“Draco couldn’t stand the apathy of his life any longer.”- I LOVE this sentence.
This was so enjoyable to read! You have such a talent for writing engaging dialogue- I was sad when it realized I had already made it to the end, because I had just breezed right through, it was so easy to picture it all playing out in my head.
I love Chloe- definitely a Slytherin, subtlety getting what she wants, but I like that she did it in such a way that didn’t hurt other people. And she didn’t take any crap from Draco, that entire scene was marvelous.
Good grief, I miss reading fanfiction!! And getting involved in a good story…Thank you so much for letting me know it was updated!
Author's Response: Hahaha! I changed the word to apathy in the last moment; previously, it had been 'lethargy', which I don't think really fitted the situation in the end. I am glad you liked Chloe; I feel she is the kind of person who would intimidate you in RL because you can't faze her. But yes, she doesn't really hurt people in the process, so she's cool that way. There will be more of her in the later chapters. The story will be updated quickly as all the chapters are done. Hope you'll love the rest as well.~Natalie
Ooh I'm the first person to review this chapter... and I have to say, I'm rather impressed with how quickly you updated this. I hope they keep coming this fast!
This chapter really followed on from the previous one. I just love the idea that Draco's life is even more pathetic than Greg's... I liked Draco's epiphany at the end and I'm rather looking forward to his interraction with Astoria. You're showing his 'path to redemption' realistically, but as you said in your last response, this is actually quite light as well. So good job on that.
Chloe is... interesting. Does she like Greg because she can control/manipulate him? Or am I being a bit mean to her? It just seems that she's too intelligent for him... not that intelligent and stupid (not meaning that as a derogatory term) can't be together, but she doesn't seem the type to settle for him because he's 'loving' and 'caring'. Or maybe she likes having a charity case?
Anyway, lovely writing as usual Natalie, I'm looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Katrina, I have finished writing the entire story. :D I might need to retouch the chapters, or even rewrite, but the first drafts are all complete. Chloe is open to interpretation, and I'm pretty much leaving her to the mercy of the readers. Personally, I think it is a mixture of her liking charity cases and her desire to have someone who she can control, though if I were to divide the two motives into percentages, it would probably be 40-60. I don't mean control as in henpecking someone to death, but Goyle is someone she can mould. Perhaps, she likes the challenge of such a task. Relationships are funny things. For someone like Chloe, who is neither romantic nor sentimental, she'd prefer something like the arrangement she has for Goyle, while Draco is obviously seeking romance. Hope you'll enjoy the rest, and thanks for the review!~Natalie
Ooohh.... you know how much I loved that drabble about the bit in the garden. I like the idea that they had been forced to marry and both refused, only to fall for each other of their own accord. Well, as much as anyone controls who they fall for. ;) You've written Draco very well. I like him like this, guilty as ever and suffering for it, but prone to redemption if it should come his way. This is a silly little thing, but thank you for letting the plump girl be attractive. I almost never read that sort of thing, and it was quite refreshing. Is she canon? Or an OC of yours? I like her, and the idea that Draco suddenly has need of Crabbe's friendship and is even jealous of him in this regard. I will be following this one, dear. And not just because it has my name on it. Well done. And thanks!! I love it!
Author's Response: Chloe Pucey is an OC. :D I think you'll like her; there is certainly a lot more of her in the later chapters. Thank you, Lori, for giving me the encouragement and incentive to expand this. It was one of my better Brawl submissions, and I did wonder if I should write more of it, but the motivation from you was responsible for making me take it up right away. Plus, the birthdays! Hehehe. I am happy you love it! I certainly hope you'll enjoy the rest. I think it will turn out a bit differently from what everyone is expecting, but I am trying my best with it. Thanksssss for the review! ~Natalie
the arrogant and the superiority complex of draco never fails to amaze me. but i like that you're making him feel humility. and it's also really funny how he was adamant he didn't want to marry the witch... and then pretty much get infatuated with her the second he sees her. hah! XD XD
i like your portrayal of astoria, partly because i think we need a strong, opinionated woman to help draco find redemption and humility. i look forward to reading more. squueeee? hehe.
Author's Response: I'm amazed when people say they like book-Draco. He's such an arrogant and cowardly little prick. However, redeemed Draco, or redeeming Draco is something I enjoy to write as well as read. If done the right way, of course! It's great to know you're liking Astoria. I hope you'll like her in the later chapters. :) Thanks for the review! ~Natalie
Okay, I’ve come to leave a more proper review than, “EEEEEEEEEE!”
This was so enjoyable to read! I have such a soft spot in my heart for Draco, but it’s kind of like reading Ginny- it can make you wince really quickly, especially post-war Draco, because it can be a hard line to walk of keeping him recognizable yet making him become redeemable. And I loved this. *holds tight* He was instantly suspicious and somewhat nasty about Crabbe, and jealous and petty following him to dinner, but all because he was trying to make himself feel better.
And OMG Crabbe was fantastic- he was still nasty and gross, but what a great spin! Ha!
I loved the paragraph when Draco sees Astoria in the garden: …unmindful of the fact that she cut quite a striking figure as her hair blew loose in the breeze and her silver hoops dazzled, caught in the afternoon sunlight. After staring at her for a few seconds, he thought he should make his presence known, but he seemed to forget her name and ended up coughing instead. LOL! He’s almost cute but kind of pathetic in his meetings with her here, which I think is appropriate for his character here as well. His inability to recall what Astoria looked like or even who Chloe was, even though both remembered him, just show how self-absorbed he is, and he doesn’t even dwell much on it. He even thinks “He supposed, a little unkindly but legitimately, that she must have been average in every department to not have been noticed by him.” Arrogant! But totally in character and I love it.
There is one little typo if you want to fix it- “His hair had been cut short, he had saved, and most incredible of all, he was wearing properly washed dark navy robes.”- s/b “shaved” . Also, this sentence: “ “I – I was supposed to meet someone,” he lied for the second time that way.” sounds kind of weird ended with “way”- I expected to see the word “day”, although the meaning is still the same, I think. It’s not wrong, just something that looked kind of strange.
I think my favorite part is the ending. The hints of his past haunting him with his “old nightmares” and the things in the past that they represent- that part was amazing, by the way- and how Astoria seemed to interrupt it and change the routine. Love it. Love it. Love it.
Can’t wait to read what comes next- you’ve gotta let me know on LJ when it gets updated! Hugs hugs hugs I was so excited to read this today!
Author's Response: First things first! Thank you for pointing out both typoes. Yes, they were typoes. Lol. I've fixed them now. This was never the plan I had for Astoria, but this story is proving to be such an enjoyable thing to write. I do love writing Draco, you know that, and writing the arrogant, sneaky post-war version is even more fantastic than tackling with the angst-written teenager, or the moody father he often morphs into. The chapters will pick up great speed from now on, so you better brace yourself. :D Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you'll love the rest. ~Natalie
This is a wonderful beginning. The idea of having Goyle get his life together in comarison to Draco is fantastic, because Draco has always felt himself superior and yet now look who's doing well...
You've shown a change in Draco even over this first chapter, or at least a beginning of a change in how he thinks. I'm very intrigued to see how you write him picking up his life and moving on with it, because I think it's very difficult to do (I'm sure you'll do it beautifully though). Often I read a Draco who either hasn't changed at all or who suddenly cuts out his family and becomes 'good', neither of which to me is realistic. And I'm ranting here... Anyway. It looks like you have a really solid Draco - great character development and very canon-compliant.
I love Astoria. “They are forcing us to marry,” she said bluntly. “I don’t want to. Do you?” She seems to cross her parents' path and not really care much, which is great. Just what Draco needs lol.
Also, very creative that they were going to be forced to be married and stopped that and now something could start...
Sorry, Natalie, for this long rambly and slightly pointless review... main thing is, I loved the story :).
Author's Response: Ack! I am scared of expectations. :( I do intend to give Draco a few rough months, but after having read through the four finished chapters, I've come to realise that the story gets more compressed. Draco goes through a serious transformation. I only hope the way I've written it is viable. The thing is, I originally meant the fic to be a two-shot, but I began to enjoy writing it so much. Even though it has its angsty moments, this is the most breezy, flighty fic I have on my plate right now, and I think that mood will come across in the finished product. I have written a lot of Draco. He's not my favourite character in the books, but he simply inspires me more than the others. I'm thrilled you're liking this. Also, your reviews are never pointless! I love them. I'll update this regularly, and this time, I do mean what I'm saying. :D ~Natalie
That's rich. gregory Goyle has a girlfriend and Draco doesn't. I love it. Of course, I can see that Draco is going to go for the first girl who stays in his prescence longer than 5 minutes. Poor Astoria. Then again, maybe not. Maybe Astoria can give Mr Draco a run for his money. I hope so. I like that you brought a new establishmnt into your storyline. I hope there will be others.
Author's Response: Hehehe. I'm glad you're liking this - I do love getting reviews from you. I have a few interesting plans in store for them. Do keep reading! ~Natalie
Love it. Brilliant.
Author's Response: Thanks! :) ~Natalie
Thank Merlin and Salazar that there are more chapters. I thought this was a one shot, and then I'd have had to kill you.
I like this al lot. Draco is fast becoming one of my favourite characters - not the leather pants version beloved by Dramione lovers, but the one that realises he needs some form of redemption and is a git.
I love Goyle here. He's got his life back together in sharp contrast to Draco ... tell me, does he write poetry? (hee hee). It's good that he has a voice, I can't recall him speaking much.
Astoria is glorious. I am expecting big things from you about her.
All in all, I like this very much. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank Merlin and Salazar the first four chapters are already finished. Or else, I'd have to hide from you, and it would be impossible to do that. I am so happy you liked it YAY. Goyle reads Shakespeare's sonnets. As someone wise and all-knowing said, Shaxy was a wizard. And I hope you like my Astoria - she's different from how I usually write her. D: She's no longer a Healer. Thanks so much for the revieeeew! ~Natalie