This story was way more than acceptable. It was great. I don't know who I suspected. The polyjuice confused me. I thought there was maybe more than one person using it or maybe one person using it to be a number of people. Very good job.
Too bad Pansy gave Astoria a stupid haircut when all she needed was a few strands of hair. Was Pansy working alone? I'd be wary of everyone being who they say they are since there seems to be a lot of polyjuice floating around.
I'm glad that Astoria isn't dead but where is she? Did you ever watch Draco in Murder in the First? That was my Monday night obsession. You are really good at turning these stories out and every one is amazing.
AWESOME! I love it, is there more Daphne/Oliver stories?
Author's Response: Thank you. Um, I haven't written anymore ... yet - hee hee. I quite like this pairing, so I'll probably try and write some more. Thanks again ~Carole~
Ooooh yay! A lovely Oliver/Daphne ending :).
And it was Flint…for someone who doesn't really write mysteries, so far you've written them so perfectly that I was blindsided when I found out it was him. For a horrible moment I thought you were going to make Daphne the culprit.
Anyways, I really really liked this story. I thought it was clever how you incorporated the 'Zeitgeist' role for Astoria, and the way you've described it definitely makes sense for the era they were in. I feel like the Wizarding Society would have needed a distraction from the aftermath of the war and grievances, something more frivolous and lighthearted. And Daphne says it herself in the second chapter: Astoria was perfect for that role.
The entire fic was so well written--fast paced, but not in a way that was overly confusing. The suspects were laid out nicely and you did a wonderful job of giving each of them a motive. And in the end, I don't think Pansy was as psychotic as I wrote in the last review. Previously I pictured her acting as Astoria to have one last chance with Draco or something equally desperate ;).
This was a great fic, Carole. It unfurled so neatly and beautifully. Please, please, please write more Daphne/Oliver!
Author's Response: Daphne/Oliver have snuck under my radar. This is not good as I'm a diehard Oliver/Cedric shipper. But Oliver needs some fun and maybe Daphne can provide that.
Thank you so much for the reviews and kind words. I find mysteries so difficult because I'm always more interested in the subplot rather than the actual crime - ha ha. Cheers again ~Carole~
Ugh, Pansy is absolutely creepy. Or maybe 'was' is a better word. I don't think that really sunk in for me until this chapter. Especially since she kept Astoria in a crate and messed up her hair…sorry, I'm just picturing Glenn Close-type person from Fatal Attraction.
I like the interaction and romance between Astoria and Draco. You write them so well, and they remind me a bit of Narcissa and Lucius in that you wouldn't think they were marrying based on love by a first glance -- but it turns out they are.
I'm also starting to like the tiny bits and hints of Daphne/Oliver that's going on…maybe? You've created such a complex, intriguing character with Daphne and it's made this story that much more gripping.
Okay, I swear my next review will be better. But as there's only one more chapter I can hardly just sit here and type, can I? ;)
Author's Response: I forgot to mention in the review for chapter 3 that I basically thought up the title for this story before anything else. So once I thought of Zeitgeist, I needed a Zeitgeist girl and one who was single and unhampered by the past. That was why I picked Astoria, then Draco followed suit.
That's by-the-by but sometimes I like explaining my thought process. I think Pansy chopped the hair because she was a bitch and hated Astoria for actually being the one Draco loved. There was an element of Glenn Close in her, but I doubt she really wanted Draco, just wanted to mess things up for him.
Thanks again ~Carole~
Oh interesting! I was wondering how it was going to fit into canon with Astoria being dead…for some reason I assumed it was set later on. I love this take so much better though, I honestly did not suspect the Polyjuice Potion.
I love what you've done with the characters here. Daphne is an enigma but I can't help but like her and I do think she's worried about her sister (just watch, she'll be the murderer). The entire case is so puzzling. Why did Daphne want to be in the room while Oliver inspected? And what happened with the real Astoria?
Don't actually answer those, of course :). Already I'm rushing as I type this because I want to read the next chapter. My next review will be much more review-like, don't worry.
Author's Response: Ah yes, Carole the canon bound. Obviously I wasn;t going to kill Astoria (who I have a sneaking regard for). Thank you for reviewing. It is much appreciated and I'm pleased the first chapter didn't turn you off. ~Carole~
After reading DNW, I saw how great your Oliver is, so I had to read this one too. I have to say, this challenge has already got some good entries :)
This was really interesting. I'm sorry to say that I read the reviews before reading the story (my own fault) and that spoilt the first chapter for me, but as I say, it was my fault and no one else's, so I'm not complaining that much. Especially because I don't think the murderer was given away.
My mind has become hazy when reading whodunnits. I used to be great at them, and now I don't know what's happened. Maybe it's because I read so many of them, although I'm sure that would've made me better at guessing who, not worse. (I did guess that Stacey killed Archie in EastEnders, though.)
What I liked the most about this story was Oliver. You've given him a thorough backstory, a thick skin and there's just something about him that I really like. If he wasn't Daphne's or Katie's or Cedric's or Roxanne's (that would be in Jess's canon, obviously ;D) then he would definitely be mine. But that would mean that I'd have to wrestle several men and women to get to him. So maybe I might settle for James Potter. Even then, I'd have to hex Natalie and you first :P
Lovely story, good luck in the challenge and is this compatible with Until Death (Eaters) Do Us Part? For the most part, it doesn't seem so, but some bits are similar, like Astoria being pregnant, etc. Oh, and is the age gap the same too? Or did you stick with Astoria being two years younger than Draco or whatever?
Author's Response: It's not compliant with Death Eaters but ha a similar tone to it - Draco actually loving Astoria for one thing. I didn;t specify an age for Astoria but the gap isn't as big as in my other stories. It was strange writing Oliver with a girl - ha ha - I really must get him back with Cedric. Thank you very much for the review. I still read a fair amount of whodunnits - probably the only things I do read these days (bar fanfiction), but I still found writing one incredibly difficult. ~Carole~
I was wondering what was happening between Oliver and Daphne, though I was still a little surpised that they ended up together. It added a nice touch to the ending of the story.
I loved the Poirot-esque scene in this chapter. I was pretty sure it wasn't Daphne, although when Wood accused Lucius I was almost convinced that it was him. I was suspecting Marcus Flint too. But anyway, you managed to keep it suspenseful til the end.
I enjoyed Oliver and Daphne's discussion about Sorting and stereotyping, and how you tied that into the ending. It added something different to a straightforward crime story.
Anyway, this was an excellent story and I really enjoyed reading it and guessing who did it :)
Author's Response: I'm glad the suspense held up. Because I always knew who it was going to be, I wasn't sure I'd done enough to stop people suspecting straight away. There wasn't a huge pool of suspects either. I read a lot of Poirot type mysteries, so that's is the reason it followed the Christie route with the denouement. Thank you very much for the review, I had fun writing it, even if certain parts were tortuous. ~Carole~
So many twists and turns, and I really like how Oliver handled them all. It was a great whodunit with a hint of the locked-roomed mystery. I'm not going to give away anything, in case people are reading the rooms, but I had an inclination of who was responsible due to one of your clues. The sudden appearance of Narcissa and the history behind the diamonds was a nice surprise, though. And the romantic in me liked the ending. :D
Nice work. I was highly entertained. ^^
Author's Response: Thank you. I was rather worried about the huge dumpage of story at the end, but decided to go down the Hercule Poirot route of 'look at how clever I am' at the end of the story - hence why I called the last chapter 'Denoument'. Thank you for sticking with the story, it's good to know it wasn't a dead loss for dead Wood. I think my main trouble was that I wanted the story more than the mystery. Thnaks again. ~Carole~
Zee plot thickens. Pansy had a partner? Goyle? Flint? And why are Narcissa's diamonds so important - as well as Astoria's engagement ring? Methinks something is still fishy with Daphne... somehow. I don't want to reveal my wild speculations and theories (some revolving around Narcissa) on here and spoil the readers/reviewers.
“I don’t believe in labels, Miss Greengrass,” he replied. “Sorting has no place in the real world.”
I loved the little Sorting dialogue exchanged between Wood and Greengrass. While both profess to be above labelling and somewhat condemn the whole practice, they're still slaves to its ideologies.
I look forward to the next chapter and how the other characters are drawn back into this new development. If or when Wood solves this, I wonder what the caption will read, "Everyone Wants Wood!"? *snickers* I'm such a child.
I look forward to the next instalment!
Author's Response: "Everyone Wants Wood!"? Ha ha ha - I wish I'd thought of that. I'm not sure Daphne and Oliver are slaves to the ideologies, exactly, although I suspect they're far more influenced by their former houses than they'd wish to be. Next chapter is actually the last so I hope it's not disappointing. I'm fond of the 'short story' approach to writing mysteries otherwise I get tied up in knots - hee hee. Thanks for the review ~Carole~
This is a wonderful start, Carole. Oliver Wood is a great choice as a detective because he's so determined and persevering, it's not something I would have thought of, but it works very well.
I wasn't entirely surprised that it wasn't Astoria - there isn't an AU warning and plus with all the 'she was acting strangely' stuff I was suspecting Polyjuice Potion. But as for who committed the murder... well usually I'm quite terrible at figuring that out lol. I don't think it's Daphne - she's too obvious with that last line and the cigarette, but I don't really think it's Draco either. Lucius did seem a bit uptight though... anyway. I'm not quite sure what the point is of telling you my suspicions because you're not going to confirm them or tell me I'm wrong anyway lol. I suppose it shows that this is a really gripping start and I'm really keen to find out though.
You've set up a very interesting family dynamic here, particularly between Daphne and Draco (who are of course not really family yet...)
This whole first chapter is excellently written and Oliver really feels like a detective in a crime story. So great job on that.
Also I happened to be on the Top Tens and noticed that you're now the most prolific author on mugglenet :) So congrats for that.
P.S. Happy Birthday Kara for several days ago...
Author's Response: Darn those warnings, and my own canonicity! Glad you're enjoying the story so far. I find mysteries an absolute joy to read but a real chore to write. so I hope it doesn't creak too much in the later stages. Thank you for the congrats on the Prolifics list, I doubt I'll be top for long, Jess and Gina are hard on my tail. ~Carole~
Astoria as a zeitgeist. Very interesting. Is she like the Kate Middleton of the modern wizarding world? Hehe. I rather liked Wood's musings on the subject of Astoria's engagement to Draco by bringing to mind the opinions of The Prophet, as well as the lack of opinion coming from The Quibbler: "Ignor[ing] anything that wasn’t blibbering", indeed.
Onto the story... I rather like how you've set up Wood. I've never been a big fan of his, but I like that you make him an underdog here. It reminds me a bit of his person. Whilst Wood was rather... hmm, let's not say arrogant but dogged, he was always gunning to win because he had so much potential (of course, we find out he has more than enough) but never seemed to be on the winning team at the time (see Hogwarts before Harry arrived). And by having Flint here act like an insolent jerk just rocketed me back to the first two Harry Potter books.
I am also very intrigued by the mystery and the twist, which I won't give away in the review, just in cast. I think I already have a suspect in mind from some of your clues you've left; however, you could be teasing me with a red herring. Heh.
I look forward to the next chapter. Lovely job on setting up the intrigue, Carole. ^^
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Lia. I'm a bit of an Oliver Wood fan, or rather, I like writing his character because he was such a dogged and competitive boy, so it's fun to see what drives him and what he becomes. I don;t see Astoria as Kate Middleton- exactly - I think Astoria is wittier - ha ha - and in UK we still don;t know much about Kate. I think I just wanted to make her a 'celeb', who's made it by not doing much (shades of Paris Hilton) but is also loved (unlike Paris Hilton). Thanks again ~Carole~
Ooh! A twist in the very first chapter! Wow, Carole! *huggles*
Anyway: I did enjoy reading this piece. I love your portrayal of Daphne Greengrass, especially and the cigarette in her hand does make me wonder. Hmmm! ;)
I was also worried when you said Astoria was carrying Draco's child. I wondered about Scorpius, but you sorted that one out! ;) I also absolutely adore the way you write dialogue. You write a current amount of it and you write it well. :)
Only The Quibbler ignored her (but then The Quibbler ignored anything that wasn’t blibbering)
^That one was definitely lovely! :D
As for the plot, I love how fast moving it is-- reminds me of Dan Brown's books. :)
All in all, you are indeed one of the best authors on MNFF. Your plot, characters, dialogue, language... everything is well pruned and is presented in a very, very interesting way.
Lastly, I love how this chapter introduces questions into your mind, like-- 'Pansy Parkinson? HUH?' and also, 'Where on EARTH is Astoria Greengrass?' 'Who would want to murder her?' 'How was Pansy murdered?'
I sure can't wait to read more of this! Good luck, and cheers! :)
Author's Response: Secret ... it's fast moving because I wanted to get to the end. I am so lousy at mysteries, but I also prefer the fast paced shows like NCIS and CSi to slow moving shows like Midsomer Murders. Hmm, have i sorted out the fate of Scorpius? Maybe I forgot the AU tag ... hee hee - Thank you very much for the review. I am just so bad at mysteries but this was fun to write because I like writing Oliver and snarky Draco so much. ~Carole~
Zum Geburtstag viel Glueck, Kara! Ich hoffe dass du einen schoenen Tag hattest. :D
Crollllll! This was a brilliant beginning. I love how... informal, lacking in pretentious, boresome literariness and conversational (or whatever other similar adjective) your writing is, it draws me in directly and keeps me entertained. Several lines (like the Quibbler one and the irony one) amused me; adding humour subtly into my writing is somethingI find quite difficult. You're awe... awe... aweinspiring. (I wouldn't dare to say it, don't worry :P)
The fic's really got me intrigued. The more I think about it, the more it intrigues me. Why would Pansy Parkinson want to do such a thing? What do the cigarette (and Daphne Greengrass) have to do with it? Is Oliver gay? (Okay, the last one wasn't something directly related to the fic, but it's still intriguing :P) Lots of questions, I guess I'll have to wait for the answers.
I think what I would have liked is to know a little more about who the rest of the people on the scene are. You mention them by name, but I think a little tag clarifying who they are would be great. But then again, I guess we'll be finding all about them in the coming chapters, so that would be unnecessary. It's just that I want to know who the rest of the suspects are to start thinking whodunnit. :P
Lovely fic, Miss Chick. Can't wait for more. :D
Author's Response: Don't nag! I'm still trying to translate the German at the top. Ta for the review, BB, and glad you enjoyed Chapter 1. Hmm, the suspects are all there ... apart from one or two ... I can't put a footnote explaining them all, I think that would be too telling. You'll just have to roll with it for now. Is Oliver gay? I don't think he knows. Thanks again ~Carole~