Reviewer: Sly Severus
Date: 05/27/12 17:50
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

This is nice. A sweet little poem with just a hint of the sadness and darkness surrounding the story.

It’s nice to see something out there about Hedwig’s death. He wasn’t an integral part of the story like Dobby, but he was important to Harry, and it was sad to see him go. It’s nice to think that a little girl with magic in her veins stumbles upon him. Surely she’ll give the great owl a honorable resting place.

Technically this poem is good, too. The flow is nice and even. All the sentences fit together well to convey a great amount of emotion.

Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I love Hedwig so much. Thank you so much!!

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 04/25/11 2:26
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

This is an interesting idea, but there are a few small problems. First of all, I think you need to put a break between your explanation and the poem, Because you write free verse, it's actually quite difficult to see where your poem starts, especially as your first line is very long. I'd consider chopping that first line in two, if I'm honest.

Secondly, Hedwig actually died in her cage in the book and didn't have the glorious death that she had in the film, so strictly speaking this poem isn't book canon.

There are a few places where you repeat words which can be a bit jarring. I'm thinking of the opening two lines where you repeat 'it', and then later where you repeat 'since' as the end lines. This is rather jarring. The repetition of 'She believed' though is good. It really emphasises the point.

Free verse is always, in my opinion, harder to write. When I have a set structure I find it easier to tailor my words, but with free verse there's always the temptation to write anything. It should still have a flow and rhythm to it. I think you have a certain rhythm going here, but at times the long sentences read like prose.

For the innocence lost in a story she could take no part it, I think you mean 'in' not 'it'.

There are some lovely images here 'Scare of the adventure it tasted briefly'. 'A life that seemed to float right beyond her fingers' - are really evocative and you've captured the mood well.

Poor Hedwig ~Carole~

Author's Response: Oh, thank you SO much for your reading, reviewing, and analyzing of my poem! It means so much to me- it's so easy for us to overlook things in our own works. I always seem to make lines in poems too long- I'm working on learning when to go on to the next line. I know it isn't technically canon because I didn't mention the cage, which is because I didn't want the image of her pure, innocent, mangled body (kind of like that unicorn that died!) to be obscured by the cage. Anyhow, thank you for noticing that. I'll definitely work on improving word choice and structure, and I applaud you for noticing. I do tend to kind of go off on tangents in poetry, and I should really get better at editing that. That's a big problem for me. Thank you very much for your supportive criticism- it is MUCH appreciated. Cheers! R.I.P. Hedwig <3

Reviewer: madhumakhi
Date: 04/25/11 2:02
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

"A life that seemed to float right beyond her fingers, escaping her grasp"
Beautiful line. Explains the way the girl felt to wonderfully.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading, and especially for reviewing and sharing your thoughts! I've tried very hard to pen the feeling of not being physically in the Harry Potter world, although I do truly live in it- in the sense that it is real to me. I think this came through quite a bit- and I think most of us can relate to it greatly. Thanks much!!! Cheers.

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