Reviewer: Sly Severus
Date: 05/27/12 17:50
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

This is nice. A sweet little poem with just a hint of the sadness and darkness surrounding the story.

It’s nice to see something out there about Hedwig’s death. He wasn’t an integral part of the story like Dobby, but he was important to Harry, and it was sad to see him go. It’s nice to think that a little girl with magic in her veins stumbles upon him. Surely she’ll give the great owl a honorable resting place.

Technically this poem is good, too. The flow is nice and even. All the sentences fit together well to convey a great amount of emotion.

Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I love Hedwig so much. Thank you so much!!

Reviewer: Equinox Chick
Date: 04/25/11 2:26
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

This is an interesting idea, but there are a few small problems. First of all, I think you need to put a break between your explanation and the poem, Because you write free verse, it's actually quite difficult to see where your poem starts, especially as your first line is very long. I'd consider chopping that first line in two, if I'm honest.

Secondly, Hedwig actually died in her cage in the book and didn't have the glorious death that she had in the film, so strictly speaking this poem isn't book canon.

There are a few places where you repeat words which can be a bit jarring. I'm thinking of the opening two lines where you repeat 'it', and then later where you repeat 'since' as the end lines. This is rather jarring. The repetition of 'She believed' though is good. It really emphasises the point.

Free verse is always, in my opinion, harder to write. When I have a set structure I find it easier to tailor my words, but with free verse there's always the temptation to write anything. It should still have a flow and rhythm to it. I think you have a certain rhythm going here, but at times the long sentences read like prose.

For the innocence lost in a story she could take no part it, I think you mean 'in' not 'it'.

There are some lovely images here 'Scare of the adventure it tasted briefly'. 'A life that seemed to float right beyond her fingers' - are really evocative and you've captured the mood well.

Poor Hedwig ~Carole~

Author's Response: Oh, thank you SO much for your reading, reviewing, and analyzing of my poem! It means so much to me- it's so easy for us to overlook things in our own works. I always seem to make lines in poems too long- I'm working on learning when to go on to the next line. I know it isn't technically canon because I didn't mention the cage, which is because I didn't want the image of her pure, innocent, mangled body (kind of like that unicorn that died!) to be obscured by the cage. Anyhow, thank you for noticing that. I'll definitely work on improving word choice and structure, and I applaud you for noticing. I do tend to kind of go off on tangents in poetry, and I should really get better at editing that. That's a big problem for me. Thank you very much for your supportive criticism- it is MUCH appreciated. Cheers! R.I.P. Hedwig <3

Reviewer: madhumakhi
Date: 04/25/11 2:02
Chapter: The Muggle's Lament

"A life that seemed to float right beyond her fingers, escaping her grasp"
Beautiful line. Explains the way the girl felt to wonderfully.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading, and especially for reviewing and sharing your thoughts! I've tried very hard to pen the feeling of not being physically in the Harry Potter world, although I do truly live in it- in the sense that it is real to me. I think this came through quite a bit- and I think most of us can relate to it greatly. Thanks much!!! Cheers.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES