I find HP poetry...odd and I usually hate poems with rhyming couplets but this was beautiful. The sense of loss at the same time as the sense of urgency was really well done and the final line with the repetition of "we're not alone" being quite desperate and the narrator trying to convince themselves that they are not, but really thinking they are. I also like the sense of childhood slipping away, and growing up much more quickly than anyone should have to. Beautiful poem, it definitely deserved to win a competition. Alex x
Author's Response: Thank you, Alex. I'm glad you gave this a chance even though it's not your usual reading. =) The childhood-slipping-away bit was especially hard to write because I couldn't put it into words properly. As for the last line...I actually didn't mean it to be desperate, but rather hopeful but disbelieving - can this really be possible? Repeating it and becoming more certain with each repetition. Although I can see where it's a confusing line. :/ Thanks again for reading and reviewing. =D
Beautiful. Really, it's so real and touching and emotional. Keep writing!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. That you found this poem touching is probably the highest compliment I could get. =)
WOW! That was amazing! I love poems with strong rhyme and rhythm more than anything, and this was spot on. The 'Running, running, breath comes ragged, Fear still cuts like razons jagged;' was particularly brilliant. And then the way it changed at the end - guh! Amazing! I don't have the soundtrack, but my guess is the poem fits the music perfectly. Wonderful job! ~Gina :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review, Gina. =D I'm a fan of strong rhyme and rhythm as well - probably why I use it so much when I write. I'm glad a fellow rhyme-and-rhythm fan enjoyed this poem. And you should definitely Youtube "Obliviate." It's just such a beautiful song.
Oh my Merlin, this poem is just so many fabulous things all in one. Each stanza, even the repeating ones, stands for a different emotion by the narrative voice, and they're so well-defined. Awareness. Terror. Wistfulness. Regret. Desolation. Hope. Confidence. Will. It really shows the darkness, coupled with the joy of having someone to stand next to against that darkness.
My only critique would be that, in order to better suit your set rhythm, perhaps the last stanza should be italicised as well, but other than that, it is utterly fabulous. I think my favourite part was the refrain, but that it only repeated the first two lines. It showed that continual fear, that neverending need to run, but it also allowed for the stanza to work with the changing emotions before and after, bridging them together very fluidly.
Such a beautiful poem, Minna, and it well deserved to win first place. Now I know what Julia meant when she squeed over it. I confess that I didn't properly read the other entries past skimming them to make sure we weren't using the same music or writing the same thing. Now I feel like a dunce, because I could've read this ages ago and enjoyed it then!
Author's Response: That was so not incomprehensible ramble, Jess. xD You captured really well in that first paragraph what I was going for in the poem. I'm glad you could see it. =) As for the last stanza - I kept arguing back and forth in my head whether or not to italicize it because you're right that it would fit my pattern better italicized. I think I decided not to in the end because it felt like it was...stronger that way? The italicized bits were sort of the undercurrent of the piece I based the poem on, whereas the last two verses were both sort of the triumphant burst of music at the end. With regards to your other comment about the choruses, I am a fan of repetition with some room for change, so I'm glad you think that worked out as well. And your last paragraph totally made me blush. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. <3
Love it! The 'chorus' line told in italics is my favorite part. You have a good ear for meter and rhyme, but the rhyming doesn't make the poem sound stupid. It makes it even better!
Author's Response: The chorus was fun to work with. And I love rhyming - it's one of my favorite things to do with poetry. (Well, that's a lie. I hate it while I'm doing it because it's a pain in the butt. But I like the results. ;) ). Thanks for your review!