Reviewer: BraveAtHeart706
Date: 07/20/11 18:44
Chapter: Chapter 3: History and Hermione

Really good so far I love how Al and Rose say how they really feel about being the son of the 'Boy Who Lived' and the daughter of a genius. Keep up the good writing!! ; )

Reviewer: OtterMoone
Date: 06/23/11 5:45
Chapter: Chapter 4: A Magical Crime

Good so far! I like it :)

Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus
Date: 04/08/11 10:06
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Feast

Hullo. I think you have a good start in your story. The ending dialogue is actually what's making me review this because that was so dramatic and nonchalant at the same time. It makes me want to keep an eye around for the next chapter. However, I thought you could do something about the formatting. When online it's pleasant if you read a nicely formatted story, the spacing etc. Also it might be a nice idea to break up the big block of narration you have to two shorter paragraphs perhaps?

There's a description about everyone knowing that Rose might be her mum's clone. I think that might be so. After all children always have some traits of their parents in them. Only thing is, this is so frequently how Rose is described that it's become rather boring now. Maybe you'd like to make her like Hermione but not all of Hermione and especially not describe her as a "clone". I'm sure if you think about Hermione hard enough you'll probably come up with one very obvious quirk that Hermione and her daughter both share. That would connect with the reader in a more unqiue way. Just a suggestion.

Good start!

-Akay-

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the comments!!! In terms of the format, I had it nicely broken up with indents and everything in word, but when I copied it into the text box here, it didn't translate :(...I'll have to work out the kinks to make it look better and be more easy to read (I agree that a huge chunk of writing isn't good) It is tough trying to find something different about Rose from her mother. I'll definitely keep that in mind as I continue writing!!

Reviewer: grangergirl35
Date: 04/08/11 7:23
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Feast

Oooh! Way to go! Next chapter plz!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm aiming to post a new chapter every weekend, so hopefully it'll be up in a few days

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
At the Battlefront by Nagini Riddle 3rd-5th Years
The Final Battle at Hogwarts rages on as the victims question whether or not...
Crocus by Equinox Chick 3rd-5th Years
Four years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Andromeda Tonks exists only for her...
Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Story by MoRoCcAnAnDpRoUd 6th-7th Years
The year is 1977, and the Wizarding World is in turmoil, but it doesn't really...
FEATURED
My Troubled Tyrant by Belledeg Professors
Keedie Dante has experienced many amazing things during her time at Hogwarts...
His and Hers by Acacia Carter 3rd-5th Years
In a perfect world, Neville and Hannah's wedding would go off without a hitch...
All This Waiting For The Sky To Fall by Dawnie 1st-2nd Years
They found her body - broken, bleeding, face filled with signs of pain and fear...
Sanguini, the Vampire by teh tarik 6th-7th Years
Vampirism is the persistence and the perpetuity of the body, a madness of the...
Lost and Found by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
When Tracey Davis's financial security was a casualty of war, her family is...
CATEGORIES