Chapter 3: History and Hermione
Really good so far I love how Al and Rose say how they really feel about being the son of the 'Boy Who Lived' and the daughter of a genius. Keep up the good writing!! ; )
Chapter 4: A Magical Crime
Good so far! I like it :)
Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus
Chapter 1: The Feast
Hullo. I think you have a good start in your story. The ending dialogue is actually what's making me review this because that was so dramatic and nonchalant at the same time. It makes me want to keep an eye around for the next chapter. However, I thought you could do something about the formatting. When online it's pleasant if you read a nicely formatted story, the spacing etc. Also it might be a nice idea to break up the big block of narration you have to two shorter paragraphs perhaps?
There's a description about everyone knowing that Rose might be her mum's clone. I think that might be so. After all children always have some traits of their parents in them. Only thing is, this is so frequently how Rose is described that it's become rather boring now. Maybe you'd like to make her like Hermione but not all of Hermione and especially not describe her as a "clone". I'm sure if you think about Hermione hard enough you'll probably come up with one very obvious quirk that Hermione and her daughter both share. That would connect with the reader in a more unqiue way. Just a suggestion.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the comments!!!
In terms of the format, I had it nicely broken up with indents and everything in word, but when I copied it into the text box here, it didn't translate :(...I'll have to work out the kinks to make it look better and be more easy to read (I agree that a huge chunk of writing isn't good)
It is tough trying to find something different about Rose from her mother. I'll definitely keep that in mind as I continue writing!!
Chapter 1: The Feast
Oooh! Way to go! Next chapter plz!!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm aiming to post a new chapter every weekend, so hopefully it'll be up in a few days