Reviewer: BraveAtHeart706
Date: 07/20/11 18:44
Chapter: Chapter 3: History and Hermione

Really good so far I love how Al and Rose say how they really feel about being the son of the 'Boy Who Lived' and the daughter of a genius. Keep up the good writing!! ; )

Reviewer: OtterMoone
Date: 06/23/11 5:45
Chapter: Chapter 4: A Magical Crime

Good so far! I like it :)

Reviewer: Padfoot Patronus
Date: 04/08/11 10:06
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Feast

Hullo. I think you have a good start in your story. The ending dialogue is actually what's making me review this because that was so dramatic and nonchalant at the same time. It makes me want to keep an eye around for the next chapter. However, I thought you could do something about the formatting. When online it's pleasant if you read a nicely formatted story, the spacing etc. Also it might be a nice idea to break up the big block of narration you have to two shorter paragraphs perhaps?

There's a description about everyone knowing that Rose might be her mum's clone. I think that might be so. After all children always have some traits of their parents in them. Only thing is, this is so frequently how Rose is described that it's become rather boring now. Maybe you'd like to make her like Hermione but not all of Hermione and especially not describe her as a "clone". I'm sure if you think about Hermione hard enough you'll probably come up with one very obvious quirk that Hermione and her daughter both share. That would connect with the reader in a more unqiue way. Just a suggestion.

Good start!

-Akay-

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the comments!!! In terms of the format, I had it nicely broken up with indents and everything in word, but when I copied it into the text box here, it didn't translate :(...I'll have to work out the kinks to make it look better and be more easy to read (I agree that a huge chunk of writing isn't good) It is tough trying to find something different about Rose from her mother. I'll definitely keep that in mind as I continue writing!!

Reviewer: grangergirl35
Date: 04/08/11 7:23
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Feast

Oooh! Way to go! Next chapter plz!!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm aiming to post a new chapter every weekend, so hopefully it'll be up in a few days

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
Pensive by foolondahill17 1st-2nd Years
Or, seven times Severus Snape wanted and could not have Lily Evans. "The glass...
Not From Others by FloreatCastellum 6th-7th Years
She may not have been able to join Harry, Ron and Hermione, but Ginny refuses...
FEATURED
Whatever Happened to Saturday Night by Simply Being 3rd-5th Years
A short tale of the Marauder's friendship and its subsequent demise. Songfic...
Love is Like a Wrong Turn on a Cold Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
Michael Corner muses on his short-lived relationship with Daphne Greengrass...
Maps by the opaleye Professors
Tell me, is the rose naked Or is that her only dress? -Pablo Neruda Four...
Pineapple in the Library by 1000timesingoldenink 1st-2nd Years
It's late on a Sunday evening, and Neville has a couple of questions...Why is...
CATEGORIES