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Reviews For The Golden Dawn

Name: Sly Severus (Signed) · Date: 05/24/12 21:29 · For: A Golden Dawn
This is pretty good. I like the imagery, but emotion is entirely lacking. You give readers all these nice pictures in their mind, but this is a scene about death and the end of a very long war. Harry is emotional. Even Voldy is likely to be feeling something. Everyone in that room is feeling something, likely fear. I think this poem could be greatly improved if some of these emotions are explored.


Name: the opaleye (Signed) · Date: 01/11/12 10:05 · For: A Golden Dawn
There is some lovely imagery in this poem. The golden dawn spilling into the Great Hall is such a picture of hope and joy which I think you captured really well. What really stood out to me was the third line, though.

Three words in all, but a world hanging in the balance.

That is really powerful. I love it.

I think you could work on the punctuation, perhaps. Instead of using a full stop at the end of each line, the flow could be improved by using comma's (or nothing at all) because the full stops make it a bit choppy. The repetition of the word "of" at the beginning of the lines gives each line a certain amount of emphasis in itself, so I don't think the full stops are necessary if you were going for a more blunt impact.

Hopefully that was helpful :) I think you've got great bones here, just tweaking the punctuation (something I struggle with in my own poems) could take it to another level.

Julia.


Name: loveismagicharry (Signed) · Date: 04/08/11 9:23 · For: A Golden Dawn
My God, this is lovely. Really, truly, lovely. The Golden Dawn- I like that.

Keep writing, you have true talent!


Name: Snowlily (Signed) · Date: 04/07/11 12:58 · For: A Golden Dawn
I liked the gist of it, but I think it would be really good if it were a one-shot, about how someone felt about it. I liked the poem, and I feel really bad for critizing it, but I think that it could be MAGICAL if you made it, like, a one shot from Ginny's POV or something.


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