This is pretty good. I like the imagery, but emotion is entirely lacking. You give readers all these nice pictures in their mind, but this is a scene about death and the end of a very long war. Harry is emotional. Even Voldy is likely to be feeling something. Everyone in that room is feeling something, likely fear. I think this poem could be greatly improved if some of these emotions are explored.
There is some lovely imagery in this poem. The golden dawn spilling into the Great Hall is such a picture of hope and joy which I think you captured really well. What really stood out to me was the third line, though.
Three words in all, but a world hanging in the balance.
That is really powerful. I love it.
I think you could work on the punctuation, perhaps. Instead of using a full stop at the end of each line, the flow could be improved by using comma's (or nothing at all) because the full stops make it a bit choppy. The repetition of the word "of" at the beginning of the lines gives each line a certain amount of emphasis in itself, so I don't think the full stops are necessary if you were going for a more blunt impact.
Hopefully that was helpful :) I think you've got great bones here, just tweaking the punctuation (something I struggle with in my own poems) could take it to another level.
My God, this is lovely. Really, truly, lovely. The Golden Dawn- I like that.
Keep writing, you have true talent!
I liked the gist of it, but I think it would be really good if it were a one-shot, about how someone felt about it. I liked the poem, and I feel really bad for critizing it, but I think that it could be MAGICAL if you made it, like, a one shot from Ginny's POV or something.