I’m surprised to see this poem has only one other review. It’s very cute, and Draco is such a popular character. You really should be getting more attention for this. But I’ve seen plenty of great, neglected fics on here.
Anyway, I have to say that I really enjoyed this. For the most part, the flow is very smooth, which is one of the hardest things to get right in poetry, in my opinion. Sure, there are a few places that maybe could’ve sounded slightly better, but that happens. So many people think poetry is a quick way to write fan fiction and get on the site, but it’s really harder than writing a long winded story.
The only thing about this poem that irked me was when Draco referred to his father as nasty. Most of people see Lucius Malfoy that way, but not his son. Lucius is a lot of things, not all of them good, but I think the stories have always showed him as a good father. I don’t think there was ever a second that Draco didn’t adore both of his parents.
My favorite line was near the end. “Please, Bellatrix, please stop talking.” Bella is my favorite character, but I had to laugh at that line. I wondered how many people had that exact same thought. As much as I love her, she really doesn’t seem to know when to shut up.
I also especially liked the way you ended this poem. Draco realizing that the war was just beginning. Dumbledore’s death would be a catalyst, spurring everything ahead. Because the books are told from Harry’s point of view, Draco always seems arrogant and stupid. I can’t argue with the first one, but that boy was never stupid. I think you captured him very well.
This is a great poem. I hope you continue to write about Draco in future fics.
I got the concept of the poem, but I felt like the emotions weren’t fully developed with the flow of words. I do know how he felt throughout the years, but the emotion wasn’t really there. There were traces of it that I thought in a few moments, it would go full blast, but then it just withers into the air. I liked how the poem began and where it led, and I liked how the transitions went. It started with mere school rivalries, then Voldemort’s return as a turn point was a good move. The final scene as Draco’s mission at the Astronomy tower was a good end. I especially liked the ending verse: this war we’ve started
Has only just begun.
It’s all I can do to keep from walking
Can’t you see my hands are shaking?
This is an excellent example of an emotionally-stricken verse. It was subtle, not too forward and loud. It was a situation in which readers can relate to – an important trait in a poem. I think that was my favourite part in the whole poem. I can see what it would be like, I can feel the nervousness, and it makes me want to lend my unbroken heart to him. The thing is, the sudden change in narration was too abrupt, in my opinion. It disrupted the flow, and did not contribute a sense of intensity. I think there should have been a stanza that made a transition capable of changing narrative view with elegance. Yours was good, but can definitely make some improvement. That’s not to say it was rubbish. As I’ve said already, it was good. There were just some missing components.
Another thing is that I think you’ve forgotten Ron. You mentioned Harry and Hermione, but not Ron. Was that deliberate? Is there a hidden reason behind it? There were also some lines that were off – a sort of intruder in a verse. But all in all, the idea was very good. The concept, capable of understanding. There was a definite flow, I’m sure, but just a few additional words here and there would have been good, too. Thanks for writing this poem. :)