Love poems are some of the most sultry and evocative of all. Some writers can mould their words into sculptures of image so rich in the mind with only a few syllables, and others can turn them into marching soldiers, carrying on with staccato hearts pumping in unison. I’m just baffled as to who you had to bribe in the talent department to be able to do both!
The theme of infidelity and forbidden longing is almost a guarantee of sexy description, and you do deliver in spades, Natalie. I think this says it all:
There was that brazen brown hair,
Its heady scent filling up the air.
It was his daily disquiet,
From it there was no respite.
It just feels so very Hermione to me. Just this little nugget of characterisation is great, since I can rightly imagine that Hermione would love passionately and wouldn’t be quiet in a relationship. The Draco canon in this poem shows that he prefers the quiet, but he can’t give up the addictive noise that Hermione makes in his life. I find this detail to both be in character and to be a fabulous little detail that just proves everything I said in the first paragraph.
Tied to him for ever,
A tie he wouldn’t sever.
This does make me curious about how Draco views his relationship with Astoria. Had you used ‘couldn’t’, that would imply that he wanted Hermione more, but instead, the use of ‘wouldn’t’ makes me think that he does care for Hermione and desires her, but Astoria is and always will be the first woman in his heart. I wonder if this is what you intended or if I’m reading far too much into your word choice (also a possibility).
There was his Hermione,
His eternal agony,
Forbidden to him forever,
An absent endeavour.
If I could pick your brain for a moment, I have a hypothesis here. In Astoria’s paragraph, you didn’t italicise ‘his’, yet in Hermione’s you did. I conjecture that you’re implying a sort of ownership over Hermione, whereas Astoria is simply there and officially his. I would love to hear your thoughts on this choice of yours.
All in all, this poem was just so stunning and well-characterised, even as a poem for a non-canon romance. You managed to lend it plausibility and a richness that melts into silky smooth flow and vivid imagery. I cannot honestly think of anything that I would change, and I am still mildly jealous of your mad poeting skills.
Until we meet again, Madam Jones!
Author's Response: I am horrible. No, wait. "Horrible" doesn't even begin to describe my horribleness. >.> I apologise for the late, very late, reply, because your review is awesome and deserve a lot more than my tardiness. <.< I'm not sure if I deserved the praise you gave me. :D It's funny how our work gets interpreted by readers, and if my work impressed you, I should be proud of it. As a love poem, I thought this was my least sensual, but perhaps, sensuality doesn't need to have sex in it. You're right about the relationship between Draco and Astoria. Draco is kind of caught in the cliched love triangle here: he can't have Hermione, but he wants her. He has Astoria, and he won't - not just can't - leave her either. Well, at any rate, he is a Slytherin and knows what he wants and is ready to keep it. The "his" in the final stanza has a two-way meaning: First, it means Ron, to whom Hermione now belongs. Second, it refers to Draco, insisting her to be his, while knowing it really isn't possible. So, you're right about it in a way! Dear Jess, this really was a fantastic review and it made me glow the first time I read it. Still does. Do forgive me for being an arse about responding, and thanks a bazillion! Natalie
I love this poem and I want to write a really good review, but somehow I can't, There's no crit here, just awe.
You do have this amazing talent for scene setting. Although a metaphor, I can really see Draco sitting alone in a room beside an open window and perhaps indulging in a glass of Firewhisky as he thinks about his wife (who he adores) and his other forbidden love.
Thank you for the free ad fopr Shrouds. If I ever write a follow up (and I just might) then I shall reference this poem because you've just given me an idea ...
Gorgeousness in poetry. ~Carole~
Author's Response: This is the third Draco poem I have written. Man must be more interesting than I give him credit for. *Sigh* Thank you for the lovely review! I am excited to hear it gave you an idea, and I eagerly await to read that sequel. Yes, I am asking for more Dramione. Who would have thought? ~Natalie
wow. i have nothing else to say, for i am speechless.
Author's Response: Whoa! That was fast. :D Thanks for the review! Natalie