Reviews For Bought By Hate
Reviewer: Jessabelle
Date: 03/29/11 19:44
Chapter: Nightmares and Peppermint

wow great start, im excited to see where your story is going to lead.
looking forward to more. please dont keep me waiting to long :)

Reviewer: welshdevondragon
Date: 03/28/11 18:31
Chapter: Nightmares and Peppermint

Ironically it's 2.28 my time as I read this. The idea of revenge is one I find absolutely fascinating, and I also find Lucius Malfoy intriguing, so I will be interested to see where this is going.

However before I forget here are just a couple of criticisms. At the beginning of the story you say Lilah was 15 when her parents were killed, then later you say 13. You should coordinate this, as it's a mistake which draws the reader out of the story. Also when Lilah looks into the mirror and you slip into the first person, it also throws the story off. You could change this by simply putting the comment in italics, but personally I think it would make equal sense in the third person. Also the way you write that moment makes it sound as though she's surprised by her appearance. If this was what she saw every night she had a nightmare then I think she'd no longer find it surprising. Also the flashback. I think you could fit this into the story more subtly, either by simply italicising the whole flashback (when you say it's her brithday it's obvious it's a flashback) or just by putting a line seperating it from the rest of the story.

Your description of the nightmare, and her physical reaction to it is really well done for an intense first chapter. Like i said, I'm intrigued by where this is going. One final thing which isn't a criticism of your writing at all- your beta's note saying the writer is gay is absolutely irrelevant to the story, and not really necessary. The sexuality of the author does not have any bearing on how the story is read. However I did enjoy the first chapter and will read the next one. Alex

You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Flowers in Winter by silverfirelizard53 6th-7th Years
She was a girl of exceptional talent and a kind heart, but she had been born...
Under the Southern Cross by FloreatCastellum 1st-2nd Years
Rolf Scamander has ventured to a remote archipelago to study a rare and exotic...
MOMENTS OF BLISS by moonymaniac 6th-7th Years
Remus Lupin is a man with a tragic past, filled with pain, suffering and sorrow...
Today Will Be Better, I Swear! by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
'I'm going to miss you, Mr Ollivander,' said Luna, approaching the old man.'And...
Honestly by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
Seven months after leaving Hogwarts, James Potter is fighting for the Order...