Reviewer: epiphany212
Date: 07/09/12 15:33
Chapter: The Wolf Howls....

Hello! I’ve never read a story about this moment in the Remus/Tonks romance before, and I have to be honest, I was fascinated by the introduction. I loved the narrative detail—I think you have a very strong grasp of descriptive writing and I really enjoyed the scene that you laid out for us at the start. I would urge you to incorporate the same level of flow/descriptive narrative in your depictions of characters’ actions, specifically in the section where Remus is walking toward the graveyard. I feel in that section, each action takes up a single sentence and each paragraph is very short… that portion lacks the amazing flow of your introduction, and I think it could be fine-tuned a little with some more prose.

I also really understood Remus’ grief in this story. You do a good job of characterizing his abject despair. I also believe the dynamic where Remus feels a little left out of the James-Sirius friendship, so that was a good twist on his character which you employed to make his grief even more severe. However, one line related to his expression of grief confused me a little: “He looked at James, Lily and Harry. So happy they looked. So unfeeling they were. So heartless really—to have inflicted wounds upon a single man.” How is he looking at James, Lily and Harry in the graveyard? And what wounds has Harry inflicted on him? I think this sentence would make sense if he was only mentioning James and Lily, but as it stands, it confused me a lot.

One thing that surprised me about Remus’ characterization in this story is that he is so angry—we’ve seen Remus’ temper in canon, but usually it is directed at people who are trying to hurt others or at himself. In many instances, I think Remus takes blame where he does not deserve it rather than getting angry at his loved ones. So while I can understand he can say that he hates James and Lily in an extreme amount of grief, I am surprised that there is not an undercurrent of him blaming himself for not being more assertive about protecting them, because that is what I think Remus’s natural reaction would be when he is not completely overwhelmed. Anger in this scene is appropriate, given how upset Remus is, but I think it might be useful to add another scene later on when some of the grief has passed where he bears more resemblance to the calm/kind Remus we recognize from canon.

I loved the Remus/Tonks scene in the story. I could see Tonks pushing Remus to accept her caring and Remus resisting in the way that you have depicted it here. That said, I don’t really agree with your last line—that he doesn’t care—because it’s so blatantly clear (thanks to the fact that he’s running away from her!) that he DOES care that he’s hurt her, just not enough to change his mind or balance out all his doubts and worries about their relationship. While, once again, I can see him saying this “I don’t care!” in a moment where he is overwhelmed or angry, I don’t think he would maintain that stance or opinion once he has sobered up a little.

Basically, while I appreciated all of the reactions/characterizations you showed in this story within its context, I do think the story would be even better if you fleshed it out with some scenes where Remus is less angry/more stable to see what his reactions are to these situations (i.e. James/Lily’s deaths or Tonks’ love) when he’s going about his daily life. This would provide some balance to the emotions we read in this story, which compared to the emotions of the non-grieving Remus who we know from canon, are very bold/extreme in nature.

Good job with this story, and without further ado, write on! :)

Reviewer: bee13
Date: 03/20/11 18:29
Chapter: The Wolf Howls....

Oh, wow, this story is fantastic! You really captured Remus's character and managed to tie his feelings towards Tonks and the Marauders flawlessly. Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for that lovely review!! :) :)

Reviewer: Stargazer1574
Date: 03/20/11 17:58
Chapter: The Wolf Howls....

Wow! That was beautiful! So sad! I loved the opening. If I didn't know they ended up together I'd be angry with Lupin. All around great job!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading! Glad that you liked it! :)

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Allegiance by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 6th-7th Years
During his final year at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy had few illusions about where...
A Different Kind of Magic by unjellify 3rd-5th Years
James Potter is Head Boy and Gryffindor Quidditch captain in his seventh year...
Colorblind by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Set in the future, Harry's grandchild tries to comfort him while Harry remembers...
FEATURED
The Pretender by littlebird Professors
She feels the familiar pang of disappointment that they've never been better...
A Light in the Gap by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
When Harry woke that first morning in Grimmauld Place, he wondered if Ron and...
Tapestry by Equinox Chick 1st-2nd Years
As Walburga Black stitches, Sirius rebels. Two poems written about the infamous...
The Weird Sisters - B-Sides and Rarities, Vol. 2 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 1st-2nd Years
The Weird Sisters are back for an encore. Ten more tracks from your MNFF authors.
CATEGORIES