Hello! Iâ€™ve never read a story about this moment in the Remus/Tonks romance before, and I have to be honest, I was fascinated by the introduction. I loved the narrative detailâ€”I think you have a very strong grasp of descriptive writing and I really enjoyed the scene that you laid out for us at the start. I would urge you to incorporate the same level of flow/descriptive narrative in your depictions of charactersâ€™ actions, specifically in the section where Remus is walking toward the graveyard. I feel in that section, each action takes up a single sentence and each paragraph is very shortâ€¦ that portion lacks the amazing flow of your introduction, and I think it could be fine-tuned a little with some more prose.
I also really understood Remusâ€™ grief in this story. You do a good job of characterizing his abject despair. I also believe the dynamic where Remus feels a little left out of the James-Sirius friendship, so that was a good twist on his character which you employed to make his grief even more severe. However, one line related to his expression of grief confused me a little: â€śHe looked at James, Lily and Harry. So happy they looked. So unfeeling they were. So heartless reallyâ€”to have inflicted wounds upon a single man.â€ť How is he looking at James, Lily and Harry in the graveyard? And what wounds has Harry inflicted on him? I think this sentence would make sense if he was only mentioning James and Lily, but as it stands, it confused me a lot.
One thing that surprised me about Remusâ€™ characterization in this story is that he is so angryâ€”weâ€™ve seen Remusâ€™ temper in canon, but usually it is directed at people who are trying to hurt others or at himself. In many instances, I think Remus takes blame where he does not deserve it rather than getting angry at his loved ones. So while I can understand he can say that he hates James and Lily in an extreme amount of grief, I am surprised that there is not an undercurrent of him blaming himself for not being more assertive about protecting them, because that is what I think Remusâ€™s natural reaction would be when he is not completely overwhelmed. Anger in this scene is appropriate, given how upset Remus is, but I think it might be useful to add another scene later on when some of the grief has passed where he bears more resemblance to the calm/kind Remus we recognize from canon.
I loved the Remus/Tonks scene in the story. I could see Tonks pushing Remus to accept her caring and Remus resisting in the way that you have depicted it here. That said, I donâ€™t really agree with your last lineâ€”that he doesnâ€™t careâ€”because itâ€™s so blatantly clear (thanks to the fact that heâ€™s running away from her!) that he DOES care that heâ€™s hurt her, just not enough to change his mind or balance out all his doubts and worries about their relationship. While, once again, I can see him saying this â€śI donâ€™t care!â€ť in a moment where he is overwhelmed or angry, I donâ€™t think he would maintain that stance or opinion once he has sobered up a little.
Basically, while I appreciated all of the reactions/characterizations you showed in this story within its context, I do think the story would be even better if you fleshed it out with some scenes where Remus is less angry/more stable to see what his reactions are to these situations (i.e. James/Lilyâ€™s deaths or Tonksâ€™ love) when heâ€™s going about his daily life. This would provide some balance to the emotions we read in this story, which compared to the emotions of the non-grieving Remus who we know from canon, are very bold/extreme in nature.
Good job with this story, and without further ado, write on! :)
Oh, wow, this story is fantastic! You really captured Remus's character and managed to tie his feelings towards Tonks and the Marauders flawlessly. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you for that lovely review!! :) :)
Wow! That was beautiful! So sad! I loved the opening. If I didn't know they ended up together I'd be angry with Lupin. All around great job!!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! Glad that you liked it! :)