MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
06/28/11 16:09 · For:
i've read this fic many times before and have just now gotten around to reviewing it- sorry about that! I love how you write each and every maurader! In fact, if you were a J/L person (Which you may be) I would love to see a follow-up chapter where Lily finds the mirror and comes to relize that she loves James, but that's just an idea! I can't stress enough how wonderful this was, and am going now to read more of your work!
Author's Response: Oh wow. Thanks so much! I put a lot into this one emotionally, so it's great when others like it too. X)
As for the James/Lily, I am currently writing my longest fic ever about how the two of them fall in love. It's difficult, b/c there is so much frustration and supposed "hatred" between them, ha ha. but I promise it's coming soon!
(Signed) · Date:
04/01/11 15:51 · For:
The Mara¬¬¬uders discovering the Mirror of Erised. Very interesting idea.
I think that all in all, Sirius had the best characterization. He wasn’t very mushy about his friendship. He was attached greatly to it, but he wasn’t. . . say, girl-y, about it. It was clear on how he viewed his friendship with the rest of the Marauders. They were family to him. He didn’t think of it like how Remus would. He wasn’t very appreciative in his thoughts and actions, but that’s because of his arrogance and something else that is undeniably Sirius. One thing I loved most here was his train of thoughts. How one thing lead to another, and it didn’t shake from his person while doing so. And also, how the Mirror of Erised showed how he loved his friends deeply. Writing how his dreams and hopes weren’t only for himself, but for his friends, too, was beautiful. The sentiment was wonderfully sounded. You also wrote his love for his friends alongside his love for adventures. The danger and the unknown keeps him on his toes, and that is something that is also very Sirius. You didn’t write him to be jealous of any of them (the Marauders), but wrote how pure and beautiful he loves. I think you showed Sirius in one of his best moments.
The one thing I am sure about Remus is that he has a certain weakness with charm. Sirius has this adorable charm to him that makes Remus sort of like his big brother. I don’t mean Remus’s adoration for Sirius in a slash way. There will always be one or so person(s) in our lives that will continue to charm their way into our walls, breaking our resistance and paving a way for themselves into our hearts. You wrote in here how Remus has Sirius to do that for him – breaking his walls. I’ve thought all along that, ultimately, Sirius was the one that finally convinced Remus that being a werewolf doesn’t change anything to any of them. All of those I’ve said because of one tiny detail: Remus agreed to Sirius’s whine about visiting this funny mirror. It’s silly now that I’ve thought of it. . . but I felt like I needed to emphasize how you wrote their relationship well with a few casual reactions. Anyway, about what Remus saw in the mirror, I thought that that was the way you were going to go. It was pretty obvious in the series how he despised himself because of his “affliction.” But I do wonder on why the rest of the Marauders were there when all the writing symbolized was his wish to be a normal human being, because, as you’ve already said, the Mirror shows one’s deepest desires. What were the rest of the Marauders doing in the vision? Were they only there to show how Remus would look like if he wasn’t a werewolf? Or was there more to it than what I’ve gathered?
James’s desire was. . . overwhelming. To be honest, it was bit on the ‘overkill’ side. Up till now, I’m still not so sure on whether his love for Lily on that age was exaggerated or not. I think it’s in between those lines. But then again, Harry never knew how much he wanted a family until he saw it with his own eyes. So perhaps we can assume that the Mirror knows more things than what our minds do, which some of us can certainly say the same with our hearts. The one thing I was surprised with was the line: “felt a renewed urge to talk to her. Not flirt or hit on her, but to actually talk to her. What did she really like? What did she dislike? He wanted to know more about her.” Could James really fall in love so deeply with her when he didn’t even know what Lily really liked? Besides this confusing part (in my opinion), I loved his characterization as well. He was carefree in a way that sets him apart from Sirius. Sirius was more like careless, I think, while James was carefree. He’s sweet, happy, and very hopeful.
How you wrote Peter was amazing. It just struck the core and came up excellently. The jealousy, self-loathing, insecurity and the admonishing – it was the root of his betrayal. I absolutely loved how his conscience kept scolding him about his friends. How they never gave up on him and always helped him. I can see that he did love his friends. . . to an extent that isn’t as great as the others did. I can truly see that it was himself was that was keep him back. He was very much his greatest enemy. The constant bantering in his mind was albeit heartbreaking. It reminded me of some friends that have had the same problems, and I thought all the details consisting this problem were very pronounced. I feel sorry for Peter.
All in all, the story was insightful, not to mention, beautifully written. You did a brilliant job. Thanks for writing this. :-)
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much! You noticed all the little details that I think about and add in. It's like you read what was going through my mind as I was writing! Ha ha. I am so glad you liked it.
As to Remus seeing the Marauders, while his DEEPEST desire is to be rid of his lycanthropy, I've always felt that Remus had a deep-seated desire to be liked and to have people who cared about him. I felt like that would at least be a part of what he saw. The Remus-Sirius relationship (NON_SLASH WAY) was very much part of that. He gives in to Sirius' playful banter because he knows Sirius cares about him and he can't brig himself to disappoint him. :)
As far as James, I do think that the Mirror knows us better than we know ourselves. It was possibly a bit over-done, though. I think that with as much as Lily disliked him, James really wasn't ABLE to get to know the little details about her in their early school years. At least not those little things that only your best friends really know. You know? Maybe I went a bit over-board, ha ha.
I'm SO glad you enjoyed Sirius and Peter. Thank you bunches for your review!
(Signed) · Date:
03/28/11 8:33 · For:
Beautifully written! I especially love the glimpse into the genesis of Peter's betrayal. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks bunches! Glad you enjoyed it!
(Signed) · Date:
03/27/11 11:03 · For:
I stayed up late last night to read this, because I thought the idea of the Marauders finding the Mirror was just such a great idea, and I really wanted to know what they each saw. I thought you did a very good job with them and their desires. I agree with your last reviewer that putting the point in bold is probably not necessary and only detracts from the narrative. You've written things clear enough and your readers will get it without having to be so obvious about it. :)
I liked Sirius's vision of the four friends. I think he would see that because he's lost his own family. I don't know if he wants to go off and be Aurors with them, since even he recognizes their shortcomings in that area, but seeing them as brothers forever was good - and very sad, knowing what happens. I would only watch that Sirius doesn't act too immature - at times he seemed to pout or sulk a bit too much for a Marauder.
Remus was fantastic. Of course that is what he would see! Poor Remus.
I thought using the Mirror as a bit of a wake-up cal for James was interesting. I can definitely see him burying his feelings for Lily by seventh year to the point where he doesn't even recognize them. I do think, though, that he might be a bit young to be seeing himself getting married. And I think that the Marauder's friendships were just as important to him as to Sirius, so I could see them being part of his vision with Lily, but that's just my personal opinion (and I'm an avid J/L shipper, go figure!)
Peter was great. I was a bit worried because throughout the first three he was a bit cliche - weak, wimpering, not someone you'd think the others would be friends with. Watch out for that, because there must have been something there that they saw, as well as something strong enough to play spy for the Dark Lord. You really nailed his motivations, though, because I do think that he was the lesser of the four, and that his feelings of inferiority probably played into his turning. Ending with his part was exactly the right way to end it, because we know that his vision comes true in a far worse way than any of the others.
Again - such a unique idea for a fic, and very well done! I'm glad I read this, good luck with your other writing!
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! It really helps to get in-depth opinions! As far as the bolding goes, I apologize, lol. It was a friend's suggestion and it seemed like a better idea at the moment. The positives of the idea are fading fast, ha ha.
With Sirius, I was trying to capture his sense of adventure with the Auror idea. Sirius doesn't seem like the type who would really think it out and rationalize, he kind of acts on impulses, ha ha. As for the immaturity, it's more that he's playing to get his way than pouting. Reading about Sirius as a teen, he reminds me of a close friend of mine, who acts like this with his close friends. XD Sirius gets better about both things when he gets older, though.
Remus is my favorite Marauder, so I'm glad to have done him justice.
Very much a J/L shipper! Ha ha. It's possible that he would be too young to consider marriage, but I'm glad you liked it anyway. :)
Peter was the hardest. I can't stand Peter and it took a lot not to let that colour my writing too much. I read a fic about the Marauders where Harry dreams that James is narrating a memory of the four and says "Don't turn away when you see him. Yes, he will betray me, but right now, he hasn't and he isn't ever going to." It really helped me to get in a mindset where he's not so much a villan yet, but a nervous young boy with an inferiority complex. I thin that he probably had a good sense of humor and a few good prank ideas that would have made him fit in well with the Marauders, but in the fic he's more thinking to himself, you know? I think he had a very negative self-image, especially after so long with friends like his, and he can't see the good in himself. Though if James had heard Peter's inner monologue, he definitely would have told him he was wrong and tried to make him feel better.
Thanks so much for the imput! Helpful comments like this makes me a better writer! X)
(Signed) · Date:
03/27/11 0:33 · For:
This story definitely gave me food for thought. Firstly, I have to praise the idea - it's very intriguing to think of the Marauders finding the Mirror of Erised. It's also interesting to read from our perspective, as there's a sort of dramatic irony in that we know their futures and they don't.
Name: Daughter of the Light
Sirius: Firstly, I thought it very likely that he was the one who stumbled across it in the middle of the night. Of course it makes sense that he sees his friends in the mirror, closer than ever, although I do wonder - was Sirius aware that there was something amiss amongst his friends? Because often our heart's desire is something we don't actually have... if that makes sense. So I wonder if perhaps Sirius would have seen himself as part of a happy family or something like that, because personally I see Sirius as someone who underneath values family, but he wasn't born into the right one to value. (Sorry, I am rather going on here). I liked the sense of adventure he felt about being an Auror without thinking much of the consequences - that was very Sirius.
Remus: I think you do a wonderful job of his character - the way he puts on a smile for Sirius while he's actually deep in thought. And I do think it's perfect that he sees himself not as a werewolf - and I think that's also an apt time for the quote about not dwelling on dreams, because while what Sirius sees in the mirror is attainable, what Remus sees isn't (it's almost like Harry and Ron in PS).
James: I liked the anticipation he felt during the day before seeing the Mirror, and his thoughts that Quidditch might feature, only to find out that that's not really the important thing in his life. I agree that he would see Lily, but I do have a quibble with you saying that she's more important than his friends. I see James as extremely loyal, and personally I think if he had the choice between Lily and friends, he would choose his friends. But that's just personal opinion.
Peter: Fabulous. You got into his character so well, and I liked how he realised that his friends did value him, although he wasn't as smart, sporty, popular etc. It's an interesting choice, as we suspect that this is the reason that he betrayed them in the end - the desire to be different, to shine above them. So him thinking those thoughts and then discarding them and saying friends matter above all else really shows his Gryffindor side. Which is really great, as I find Peter completely loathsome, but you showed a different side to him here. It's interesting, because apart from what Remus sees, everything the Marauders see is possible, though Peter doesn't believe that. (Kind of ironic - he does receive an Order of Merlin supposedly 'post-humously'.)
Another thing - to me having the end of each section in bold sort of took away from the flow of the story, and sometimes what you'd written in those parts seemed like a bit of over-writing, as in you'd already shown that and to me as a reader those things seemed obvious, so you didn't really need to reiterate that. If that makes sense.
Anyway, you certainly made me think and I really enjoyed this :) (Sorry for rambling).
Author's Response: Thanks so much for all the feedback! I love to know what others think was pos/neg about a story. As far as the bolding goes, I apologize, lol. It was a friend's suggestion and it seemed like an okay idea at the time. I like it less and less as I reread the fic. I'll probably change it if I can...
I do think that Sirius has fmily issues, and I was a little lax in trying to portray that the Marauders sort of ARE his family. I fell like he sees them more as brothers than friends, you know?
Remus is very close to my heart, by far my favorite Marauder, so I'm glad to have done him justice. :D
With James I struggled a bit, trying to get out the emotions correctly. I didn't mean to imply that she would replace them, but more that she was just as important as they were. Does that make sense? Ha ha.
As for Peter... I fought with writing Peter for over two weeks. I can't stand Peter and it took a lot not to let that colour my writing of him, ha ha. I read a fic about the Marauders where Harry dreams that James is narrating a memory of the four and says "Don't turn away when you see him. Yes, he will betray me, but right now, he hasn't and he isn't ever going to." It really helped me to get in a mindset where he's not so much a villan yet, but a nervous young boy with an inferiority complex. He's seventeen, and hero-worshipping his friends is getting a little tiring, you know?
But thanks so much for the imput! Helpful comments like this makes me a better writer!
( And glad you caught the Order of Merlin thing X) )
(Signed) · Date:
03/26/11 21:21 · For:
I found this incredibly fascinating, and I think it was very well-written! Terrific job with their characterizations (the hints regarding their futures were placed nicely), their thoughts were extremely relevant to what we know about them. I loved it and it made me feel surprisingly nostalgic :].
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I fretted ver this one a lot before I was satisfied, especially with Peter. I have a tendency to villify him, but he wasn't like that at this point. Glad to know I hit close to the mark! TY!