So far I really like it! I like how you added Nolan's friend and his suicide it made Nolans emotions a lot more raw and the connection so far with Nolan and Lupin is great. good job I can't wait for more!
Did you abandon this story? Because if you did I would like to know so I don't have to check it every day.
Plz plz plz I love this story do more!
Best fanfic ever!!
When will the next chapter come?! This is my favorite fanfiction so far!
Cool idea, and very well written, although I do wish that you'd elaborated a bit more as to why Adam killed himself (maybe a side story *puppy dog eyes*). Please update soon!
Very good! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Thanks for you long response, and letting me know what confused you. The mood swings have nothing to do with asthma, but I think that with the coming and going of the full moon he would be moody (and just being a teenage boy, from what I've gathered from my brothers, puts them in a constant state of moodiness (and in one case rudeness)). As for the Remus beating around the bush, I think I explain in the next chapter why that is. He isn't just beating around the bush, he actually knows about Nolan, but wants to give him a chance to tell someone instead of having all the adults in his life deal with the explanation of it. He kind of takes what happened to him as a teenager into consideration with Nolan and how to deal with him. Thanks again for pointing all of these things out, I'll make sure they're clearly explained in the future.
Your idea, that there might have been a student werewolf at Hogwarts at the same time as Remus Lupin being at teacher there, in interesting but this chapter confused me slightly. For a start it kind of throws you off when you say something as contradictory as "I really hoped that I could keep my mouth shut, if only for long enough to quickly explain what I was to Professor Lupin." There has been a new DADA teacher every year, surely Nolan expects them to be informed of what he is? Also you say he wants to keep his mouth shut, then say that he wants to explain, which is contradictory. Also when you say "I debated quickly in my head; he could take a 'no' as an insult, so with a shrug I plopped down in one of the chairs." it just seems...unnecessary. Why would he not accept Lupin's invitation to sit down? And I think you must have missed a word out when you said, "He's going to make he say it, isn't he?" because that doesn't make sense.
However those are minor nitpicks. One thing about this chapter was the characterisation of Remus. Remus does not really beat about the bush and, having gone through exactly what Nolan is going through, I think he would be more tactful. Nolan's reactions also seem somewhat over the top. You describe his own confusion at his anger well, but that would usually mean that he tries to control it somehow, which he doesn't. When he began to shake I thought that he had been drugged, or something like that, which also explained his increased anger but then you say he's having an asthma attack, which doesn't explain the mood change. I also found the comment "I was a fearsome beast, creature of the night," strange. This sounds like he glorifies his condition and, whilst it is fine to accept it as part of what he is, thus far you have shown him as seeing it as more of a burden, rather than something to rejoice in. Unless this was meant sarcastically, in which case you'd need to make that clearer.
Now, as an asthmatic, your description was very good. It doesn't explain the mood swings, but the confusion, the desperate need to breathe, the lack of focus on what is going on around you, was very, very well described. The one thing in the end which I'll criticise is when he says "it took me a long time to figure it out ". You don't forget how something like an asthma attack feels. He'd know straight away, no matter how few attacks he'd had, even if he didn't feel able to articulate it. But overall the asthma part was really well done.
Last thing- this chapter felt rather short. Not a lot happened and, whilst I can understand wanting to end on a cliffhanger, it felt like you didn't go into enough depth for it to stand as a chapter in its own right, if that makes sense.
I'm still interested, and still reading, and particularly intrigued by how asthma, as well as lycanthropy, is dealt with in the wizarding world. There aren't enough asthmatics in fiction, so that was an interesting twist, and I'm intrigued by how Remus and Nolan's relationship will develop, but the inconsistencies did seem to detract from what you were trying to do in this chapter. Alex x
Author's Response: Author's Response: Thanks for you long response, and letting me know what confused you. The mood swings have nothing to do with asthma, but I think that with the coming and going of the full moon he would be moody (and just being a teenage boy, from what I've gathered from my brothers, puts them in a constant state of moodiness (and in one case rudeness)). As for the Remus beating around the bush, I think I explain in the next chapter why that is. He isn't just beating around the bush, he actually knows about Nolan, but wants to give him a chance to tell someone instead of having all the adults in his life deal with the explanation of it. He kind of takes what happened to him as a teenager into consideration with Nolan and how to deal with him. Thanks again for pointing all of these things out, I'll make sure they're clearly explained in the future.
Its good. Keep it up.
I'm not sure what to make of this story. I'm not usually comfortable with student/ teacher stories but I'm kind of intrigued as to where you're going to go with this. I liked the start. It was a very american voice somehow, and it was an interesting way for him to catch lycanthropy. It cut out all the trauma and angst of getting attacked, which is good, but then there's the angst of his best friend dying. That came out of nowhere, to be honest, and if it doesn't prove relevant then I'll find it annoying, but I'm willing to wait. I think the way the Hogwarts teacher's treat his condition is very realistic.
At the moment Nolan doesn't strike me as very Gryffindor. They're quite a social bunch. Also in my experience in Britain- an American accent makes you interesting, makes people want to know you and be your friend, at least initially. The fact that Adam was his only friend just seemed slightly odd.
Your writing, whilst it flows well, does not really expand on his character that much, except for brief insights like his treatment of Lupin. Nevertheless I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Alex
Author's Response: Thank you for your review and sharing your thoughts on the story so far. I do have a plan for adding Adam into this, however it won't rear it's head until later on. As for Nolan being in Gryffindor, I see him as more of a 'Neville', someone who's quiet, not really in the center of anything, and actually more like a wallflower. I thought that since he's a Werewolf, he would try and distance himself from everyone else. I'm glad you mentioned this though, I can try and touch on this topic later on to clarify it. I've never known about an American accent making someone interesting, since I'm American but have never been to Britain (only other parts of Europe), but thank you for telling me...I can keep that in mind later on. Anyway, I'll wrap up the review response before I begin to ramble.
well written, promising story :) I'll be looking for the next chapter.
Author's Response: :) Thanks. I'm still trying to figure out how to upload chapters on here.