Oh, this was so beautiful! I love Luna now! Flamboyant orange!!!!! Sorry, I'm trying hard to not be sad and mournful. You have captured emotion so well, and your characterizations were perfect, to the "t"!!!!! :) But of course, it was so sad and melancholic. The way Luna dealt with it was just so eloquent and beautiful. Wonderful job! I hope you can continue to write beautiful stories like this one.
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words. :) This may sound weird, but I'm always glad when I write something that saddens people--it means I've done something right!
First of all, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was beautiful and it made me want to cry at the end, which is good, given that I am not a person who is easily brought to tears.
I like the idea of Luna being someone who just listens. This would explain her insight into a lot of things, as she often picks up on unusual things and comments on them in canon. Another good thing you did was have Luna and Cho as not really friends. I have never really seen them getting along, so to have Cho use her as someone to talk at, but never to was a very good thing to do, in my opinion. I also really enjoy her little tidbits of wisdom. It’s definitely Luna-like. She is also blunt, as we have seen her before, which is good. I find that Luna can be quite hard to write, and you appear to have her written quite well. She is not too over the top quirky, and yet she isn’t dull. You have managed to create a very balanced character.
I thought that Harry bridged into OOC a bit. For example, his comment of “and my Uncle is a Blast-Ended Skrewt” was a little too harsh, as he has been nothing but kind to Luna in canon.
I thought your Fred was very nicely done. He was funny enough, but you really brought out the more serious side to him, which was very good. He was completely lovable.
I really enjoyed the moment when Luna calls Fred “Ginny”. After a rather serious opening, the comic relief is nice without being overbearing, and the conversation sounds natural.
Overall, I really liked the pace of the story. I think that it covers the years without being horribly rushed. I really liked how at the end, you managed to get an emotional response from me. One that was both very, very sad, and very angry at the same time. Excellent job.
I thought Luna’s thoughts on fancying someone was interesting, and to a certain extent, it makes sense for her. A lot of Luna’s thoughts felt very weird, yet natural, really.
I think that one of the greatest strengths of this story is how you made the pairing believable. The progression of their feelings towards each other has a very natural pace to it.
Overall, this was a lovely read, and you have created a new OTP for me :)
Author's Response: Sorry for not replying sooner; it's been months since I logged in here and I honestly forgot about it, haha. Firstly, thanks very much for the kind words. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and had so many good things to say about it. :) As for the criticism on Harry, yes, I completely agree. Admittedly that was the part of the story I put the least effort into, and it really shows. I'd rewrite the whole scene if I had the time and motivation to, but alas, I have neither. So! I greatly appreciate the feedback, and I hope you have a lovely day/week/year. :)
Two Words: Love IT!
I also like how Luna's personality is similar to JKR's but unique in your own way. I never thought of Luna's creatures to be made up! I also never would have thought that it could've been Fred and Luna. Never in a million years. It's such a cool twist, except Fred died :(
Update somemore chapters soon!!!
Author's Response: If it's any consolation, I wasn't the one who decided Fred should be killed in canon! XD And unfortunately this is meant to be a one-shot, but I'm glad you liked it, at least. :)
I clicked on this yesterday because the summary intrigued me, and I'm pretty pleased I did. I liked this very much. I think you captured a side of Luna that we don't see and it was an interesting read.
I particularly liked the hint that she liked/loved Harry and that caused some tension between her and Ginny. The smattering of jealousy towards Cho was very good.
I do have one or two issues. First, I don't think Harry would ask her if Cho liked him. He only seems to talk to Hermione about that sort of stuff, and he's only known Luna for a matter of months at that stage. He doesn't, for instance, know that she can see Thestrals, so there's no connection between them. It seems OOC Harry, there.
The other point is about Fred at the wedding. You have him ordering Charlie to escape with Ginny. That's his older brother ... and Fred is giving the orders. I can't see that happening. I kind of think it would be the other way around, or Bill telling Fleur to look after Ginny and Gabriellle. I get that you wanted to show how Fred is protective of his sister, but I don't think it's up to him to assign protection duties to Charlie. Sorry, that was actually a very minor point, but it jarred with me in a story that was pretty darn good.
The use of present tense is quite a tricky one, but I think it suited the voice of Luna in your story.
Great job ~Carole~
Author's Response: Oh, poo, I'm prone to making those kinds of mistakes. And I guess I just assumed that Harry's brain was like, "Cho = Ravenclaw and Luna = Ravenclaw so therefore they must be friends." Or it was a rubbish plot device. :P Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated.
As others have stated, the use of the present tense worked wonderfully! But my first thought after finishing the story was about how beautiful this was. I wanted Fred to say to Luna what he intended to, and every time they were interrupted I got so frustrated! To invoke such feeling is a true talent. Wonderful job :).
Author's Response: Thank you! Strange as this may sound, I'm happy to hear that you were frustrated, haha. It's always a high compliment for a writer when someone shows that kind of response and attachment to a story, so I'm flattered that you cared enough about (my version of) the characters to want that happy ending. :)
Wonderful! Excellent use of the present tense. very emotional, but not ostentatious. I have often identified with Luna, and the fact that you have given her a real teenage experience and not just some comic scenes is very connectible.
Author's Response: Thank you! I find Luna really identifiable as well; most girls only say they connect with Hermione or Ginny, but Luna is an openly eccentric and fanciful sort of person that I think a lot of us fantasy-reading types can relate with. That's why I wanted to write about her. This originally wasn't going to be a romance at all, actually. :P
I love, love, loved your characterization of Luna! You really made her personality shine. Well done!
Author's Response: Always wonderful to receive this sort of praise. Thank you very much!
That was amazing, superb. Very well written. Though I didn't like what Harry said to her about his uncle- twas rather rude and not really like his character. You know, there aren't enough Luna stories and I appreciate this a lot!
Author's Response: Ah well, Harry's characterization still eludes me, I suppose (ironic, considering JK gives us insight right into his mind)! But yes, there really should be more Luna stories. Glad you liked it, and thanks!
I want to be reduced to tears, because of this last line - the world's most brilliant last line, but I can't. Oh, wow. I love that Luna's persona shines through in your description but the dialogue is wonderful as well. She's funny and no wonder they managed to built such a companionship.
I really really like this. It's very perceptive and well written. Thank you for such a brilliant piece!
Author's Response: Haha. I highly doubt it's "the world's most brilliant last line," but thank you for that wonderful lie regardless. ;) I'm very proud of my characterization of her and plan on writing more fics with her in the future.