Reviews For Shattered
Reviewer: raghavi
Date: 05/09/11 5:41
Chapter: there's a girl I know, he loves her so

was a really gud one

Author's Response: Thanks! <3Mere

Reviewer: Kerichi
Date: 03/28/11 10:25
Chapter: there's a girl I know, he loves her so

I really enjoyed your take on that prompt. It’s easy to understand Mary’s intense self-consciousness and pain over her perceived flaws and unrequited feelings.  In the beginning I was tempted to argue that if Mary’s fat was hanging off her face she would have more than a “hint” of a double chin, but on second read the passage struck me as an illustration of body dysmorphic disorder, and there seem to be hints of it throughout the story and especially the way she describes herself at the end. She blames Sirius’ annoyance at having to move to make room on her bum when not even a skinny girl would squeeze into a small space without him having to slide over.  

 

Her fixation on her pimple, while good for plot points, heh, made me wonder if she had no wizard anti-zit cream or concealer that worked better than a charm, or if it was dysmorphic syndrome rearing its ugly head (pun intended) again.

 

You did a brilliant job at conveying the intensity of Mary’s crush on James. The physical reactions are something every girl can remember experiencing. She does come across as creepy sometimes, so it was good that you had her acknowledge that in her thoughts.

 

In the fourth paragraph, I think “wreaking”  should be reeking, exuding like a smell, not expressing malice or inflicting punishment. While you can wrack or rack your brain thinking about something like proper word choice, wreak and reek aren’t interchangeable in the same way.

 

Overall, while I felt sorry for Mary, your story left me with a foreboding about what would happen—in a pleasant way.  I couldn’t help speculating that after they leave Hogwarts Mary kidnaps James and ties him to the bed in a remote cabin like the guy in the Stephen King film Misery. Lily will save him, of course, but before she does Mary is definitely going to break his ankles with a sledgehammer. :D



Author's Response: *dies* OH. MY. GOD. I think I might have to write that story now. heehee. I wasn't sure what body dsymorhpic disorder was, so I took a page out of your book and researched it. :D That is kind of what I was going for. I imagined Mary to just be really insecure (and maybe a bit obsessive). I was exploring what some girls put themselves through and all this unconscious pressure to be "perfect" when I wrote it. Ahhh. Yes, I'll have to make wreaking reeking. lol. whoops. Thank you so much for this lovely review, Paige! <3Mere

Reviewer: Daughter of the Light
Date: 03/12/11 18:34
Chapter: there's a girl I know, he loves her so

Mary MacDonald, liking James Potter? It seems so implausible and yet, it seems so perfect! I've read many stories where either Sirius or Remus like Lily, but never one where Mary likes James! I love it :).

Author's Response: lol, thank you very much! That's part of the reason why I wanted to write this - because it was different and unexpected. :D <3Mere

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