MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
03/09/11 16:30 · For:
Minna, I really liked this, it was very sweet! I love the idea of a witch being able to confide in a non-witch. I mean, when it comes to family, they couldn't have all been keeping secrets from their Muggle relatives, could they? That would be too hard.
I'm guessing Susan's mum recognized that Susan needed to reconnect with her cousin. I really liked Georgy. For some reason, I had been under the impression that Georgy was a male cousin, and for some reason the name seemed ridiculous. But it fit perfectly for this character. She comes alive almost immediately and the name fits perfectly.
Did you think about adding a mention of Amelia Bones, Susan's aunt? I know she was probably on the other side of the family, but the mysterious circumstances of her death probably would have been known. Just curious.
I was worried for a moment that Susan was going to tell her all these things and Georgy was going to brush it off as another make-up story. But this line:
"I can still read you like a book, stupid. You weren’t lying."
was perfect. That line made me smile.
Lovely story, Minna! I'm so glad it's worked out for you!
Author's Response: Hey, Gina! Thanks for reading and reveiwing. =) As for your comments: I figure you can tell relatives and spouses about magic because otherwise things might be too odd/hard. And Georgy is totally fun. She just kind of popped up and was like "I'm gonna steal the show, k?" And - I dunno, I don't know of any of my cousins' aunts or uncles or grandparents on the other side of their family, so it never occurred to me. And since mostly Susan's dad's side of the family doesn't know about magic, I doubt they'd know about the circumstances of Amelia's death. As for Georgy's line - she still knows Susan well enough, and it'd be a slap in the face if she still disbelieved Susan after she told that story. So - yay for happy endings? Lol. Thanks again for your review. =D
(Signed) · Date:
03/07/11 20:44 · For:
Author's Response: I'm glad!
(Signed) · Date:
03/07/11 15:10 · For:
How you wrote Susan’s nervousness, I expected Georgy to be a secret follower of Voldemort. It was that nicely written. Overall, I enjoyed reading the story since I’ve always been interested in ‘I’m-going-to-tell-them-about-magic’ situations, but I’ve got a few crits to say. :D
Characterisation – Susan was there, but I didn’t really felt like she was in there. She was present in the whole story and practically dominated it, but as the plot went to introduce Georgy physically, there was something missing. It seemed like Susan was. . . a bit numb. Not entirely, of course, but there wasn’t enough thoughts from her to describe how she truly felt. I mean, speaking about events you first-handedly experience upfront, it’s hard not to pass through some of those moments when you talk about it. Don’t get me wrong – I liked Susan’s characterization; it was just that at some parts, there wasn’t enough from her.
I loved Georgy and her little quirks and peeves. It made her more realistic. The way she acted was of pure ‘ignorance is bliss.’ Sometimes, I thought how Susan wasn’t jealous of that – but then I remembered Susan was a hardcore Hufflepuff (at least, from what I see in her here). Georgy was a lovely character. I would have loved the story to continue on after she got hot chocolate, just to know more about her life. She’s genuinely charismatic and very polite. Also, I like those remarks pertaining to Susan’s mum. It tells us about Susan’s relationship with her and how the family goes. Too bad Dad wasn’t mentioned.
Susan laughed suddenly. “I missed this,” she confessed. “It’s been – Merlin, how many years since we did this? Three? Four? And it’s the same as ever, somehow.” Georgy narrowed her eyes meaningfully, not to be distracted by Susan’s change of subject, sincere as it had been.
A wee bit nitpick: she used the ‘Merlin!’ phrase, and I just thought how it was a bit weird that Georgy wasn’t suspicious of Susan’s choice of words.
All the time I was reading this, I wondered where you were going with the story. I honestly didn’t know how you were going to end it. But I liked the ending – a bond between cousins, whom you have spent your early lives with, which will last against man’s greatest enemy: time. The easy, comfortable aura between them was familiar – even to me, and not just because Susan felt it. However, I think the story would have been polished if there were more details added. Like more thoughts from Susan about the war, or memories with Georgy from her childhood. Maybe a sentence or two about Susan’s friends.
But like I said, I enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for writing this, and goodluck, Minna! :D
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. You're totally right with your crits, Dinny. Characterization - I definitely agree Susan was a bit numb here. I should probably work on that in the future, lol. Georgy was fun to write though - she's one of the few characters I've ever written that just burst into the story fully formed and probably stolen the show. And I think Susa n is a bit jealous of her, but it just sort of underscores the difference between their lives. And I really should mention Susan's dad at some point, lol. Definitely in Weird and Wonderful Facts I will. On "Merlin" - I think I argued with Lauren because I originally used God there and neither of us even thought that with it changed to Merlin Georgy would totally comment. -headdesk- And I seem to be having trouble in my Susan fics with adding all the details I want to. I want to include all the people in her life, but somehow I don't have room or something. I need to work on that, too. I'm glad that for all its faults you enjoyed this in the end, and thanks so much for your comments, Dinny.