Reviewer: harry4lif
Date: 07/26/12 7:38
Chapter: Chapter 1

Slash stories have always had a soft spot in my heart. And I always thought that Remus and Sirius would go good together. This story just reminds me of that even more, and makes me surer that they would be a fantastic couple.

Good job with the description, and the thoughts of the two men. It can be awkward for anyone’s first kiss, and theirs is definitely not an exception. I think it would be more so because they haven’t seen each other in so many years and had both mistrusted each other due to extenuating circumstances. So, very realistic in that aspect.

Also, it paints a good image in my mind of what is going on. Your story is full of visuals, which is good. I can also hear the creak in the stairs. I love any sort of imagery in a story because it really just makes it come to life so much better. Most stories could always use more description and imagery. Most though, not all.

Just a little nitpick. Too silent, wasn't Remus down stairs? There should be a period after silent and capitalize the w for wasn’t.

You did a good job with this one shot.

~Alyssa

Reviewer: Midnight Storm
Date: 03/07/11 21:19
Chapter: Chapter 1

Hey Ash, it's Annie :)

You're really good at writing. I loved the awkwardness between R and S.

Hope to read more from you soon!
xx Annie

Author's Response: Thanks Annie :D im working on a J/L fic so keep your fingers crossed for me (: speak soon Ash xx

Reviewer: Rislans88
Date: 03/06/11 17:36
Chapter: Chapter 1

i liked this a lot!! you do the chemistry/awkwardness really well, although i do think you could have flushed out the waiting/wanting part a bit more; you could make a really good chaptered story out of this (your moment is so climactic, i felt like i wanted a whole story to support it). that said, i enjoyed it immensely; you're a great writer!!

Author's Response: Thanks very much :D I don't know if I could make this a chaptered story though... I love that you like it though!!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES