i think youve finished writing this, but i might have put in a POV of fleur. her daughters in a coma too.
ill answer the first 4 a)goyle,scorpiusb)lily,because ulthough selfish, i have a soft spot for her and dominique, because she was only trying to help c)yesd)yes
I really really liked this. I especially like the way you portrayed ginny. :)
You are right...this was a short chapter! It was a very sweet ending but I feel it was too simple for the complex problems you brewed throughout the story. Overall I enjoyed this fic and I am glad I followed it through to the end. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad too! - Joy
Gooooood golly, I love this story. It's had me in tears like, 3 times, and it's beautifully written. (Wasn't Goyle the one who was "killed" by the fiend fyre in DH ? I might be wrong.) But I have nothing to say against this story, I applaud you. :)
Author's Response: :D
Erk. Goyle died in the seventh book, I think. When they were in the Room of Requirement and he started the Fiend Fyre or however you spell that? I might be wrong...
Author's Response: Read over my story, I changed that :)
OK, first off, I really like your characterisation of both Ron and Hermione, but particularly Ron: I think you've got him spot-on here, he's a very restless and impulsive sort of person, and you show that very well. The way you convey grief, as well, is excellent: from the way Hermione simply recounts what will happen, without giving any significance to any of these events, with very little emotion, shows how numb she feels at Ron's death. It's almost like she's empty or incomplete, which
is a very accurate portrayal of how people feel when they've lost a loved one.
I also thought the proposal was utterly adorable, and I think that people do tend to cling to stability at difficult times in their lives, so even though it was rushed, it felt like a perfectly natural way for them both to react. I’m rather hoping that this idea of how people react in the face of losing a loved one (either by emotionally shutting off as Hermione has done, or grabbing onto the good things left over in life as Ron did) will become a recurring theme in the fic, because it’s a very interesting thing to read about and consider. :)
You do have a couple of typos in this chapter:
- "Stopping acting as though you don’t feel anything because your eyes are lying." - should be "Stop", not "Stopping"
- In the penultimate paragraph, you slip into third person for one sentence; very easy to do by accident, and very easy to fix!
The only thing I would comment on is that the way you divided up the sections of the chapter with asterixes and a sub-heading: I feel like you could have incorporated a transition into the narrative somehow, which would have made it more seamless. It could even have been a part of her grief, to have her suddenly have memories of Ron in the forefront of her thoughts all the time. But it is quite stylistic, and clearly doing it this way works for you, so it isn’t a huge problem.
Overall, a really nice opening chapter, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take it. :)
I think Goyle is getting too smart for his own good. :P I can't wait to see his face when Malfoy's son shows up to stop him. :P
Author's Response: Haha exactly :)
Nice twist!!! :) I'm so glad you didn't let Ron stay dead. :)
Author's Response: I do believe everyone was :-) -Joy
Good story, I enjoyed it.
Author's Response: Glad!
I wish that last part was from Ron or Hermione's POV...what happened during the scuffle?? I am glad that everyone seems to be safe at last...can't wait for more, even if it is almost over!
Author's Response: The next chapter MAY or MAY not contain that last part from someone else' POV that MAY or MAY NOT be Ron or Hermione. :) Seems is a bad choice of words, they ARE safe at last.
Action packed!! I was totally on the end of my seat!! Excellent!
Author's Response: :) And wouldn't that be edge of your seat? -Joy
That was sooooooo good : )
keep writing can't wait 4 the final 2 chapters!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Glad you think so! I'm writing this week - got no school! Another chapter will be up soon!! -Joy
Ron isn't going to die but dominique or lily will and albus will be abducted and Draco will find Rose and scorpious that will be awkward :)
Author's Response: Good predictions! Guess we'll have to see :) -Joy
Isn't it obvious?????? I <3 THEM..... Arn't u getting tired of ans. my reviews???? :-p
Author's Response: Not really :) I love getting reviews and answering them!! I'm glad you're in love!! -Joy :)
i havn't read many fan fictions but i
Author's Response: But you . . . ?
Love Ginny's POV.......do you identify yourelf stongest with ginny???
Author's Response: I actually most identify with Hermione, but some of my more . . . rebellious attributes could be found in Ginny as well. :) -Joy
i think Lily is like the frivolous, coquettish, side of Ginny, lacking her straightforward English common sense obviously, and is a typical school gal.....I LOVE YOUR CHARECTERS!!!!!!
Author's Response: I never thought of her that way!! Haha awesome points to you for spotting that :D And I'm glad you say that, because I love them too :) -Joy
I totally love the way you've portrayed Ginny......the same firm,brave,faithful girl with whom Harry fell in love with, Ron's closest sibling, the one who always knew him better than he knew himself, and the cheery, common-sensical and understanding friend of Hermione........(-;
Author's Response: Aww thanks :) Ginny was by far the easiest to write - she has a very clear character, one that she had to have retained into adult/mother hood. -Joy
I LOVE THIS STORY! I just started to read fanfictions but, I can tell that yours is AWESOME!! I love when stories switch POVs. I also find it cool that Crabbe and Goyle have gotten back together, even though they are both jerks. PLEASE continue writing because I LOVE this story and CAN'T wait until you submit the next chapter!!
Author's Response: I'm glad MBF was one of your first fanfics!! I love it too :) They really are :) I plan to, I'm glad you do, and I'm getting there as fast as I can! -Joy