That's pretty scary, that the best Muggle literature Hogwarts can offer is Ayn Rand! Scorpius does seem like just the sort of angsty little git who'd think Rand was awesome. Sure hope he grows out of it -- Terry Goodkind's Objectivist wizards are bad enough!
Oddly, I hadn't gotten any notices of subsequent chapters for this story -- something must be wrong with MNFF's story alerts again.
Author's Response: I completely agree with you about Ayn Rand she is NOT one of my favorite authors, but some of her quotes & concepts fit perfectly with Scorpius's inferiority/guilt complex and I just had to throw her in. Hopefully you'll like my later literary references a little more...
So, WOW. That’s my first thought upon finishing this. Just. WOW.
I adore the way you write. I’m a bit surprised, actually, at how you managed to keep my interest through this chapter when all it is is an introduction to the characters and the very start of their relationship. But I greedily read this as fast as I could and was disappointed that the chapter was over so quickly.
The tone of this story is really incredible. The point of view is omniscient, yet the tone is very personal. It seems like you know Scorpius and Althea inside and out and they really come to life. It’s been a little while since I’ve felt so connected to characters. It almost seems like they are real people that I’ve met or something.
Scorpius. Just. Scorpius. His characterization is so incredible. I love how unique it is. I’ve read bookish!Scorpius before, but none of them have the complexity of your Scorpius. He has friends, it seems, but he prefers isolation because he’s hiding from his past. He’s respected, but not understood. Despite his past and his anti-socialness, it doesn’t seem like anyone dislikes him. And his eyes! The fact that he has the Greengrass eyes, not the Malfoy eyes says so much about his character and his personality. It tells us readers that he isn’t like his father and grandfather. Brown eyes have a capacity to be warm that just doesn’t seem to exisit in grey eyes, which suggests that he’s not haughty or arrogant and has perhaps a big heart.
No, what amazed people about Scorpius Malfoy was that he was, in essence, a mute, and only spoke when asked a direct question by a professor or classmate, which did not happen often.
This is the most intriguing thing about him. I mean, could you imagine not talking? I can’t. It creates this aura of mystery about his character, which I love. I see why Althea is curious about him—he’s this mysterious, lone figure who haunts the library and has such a direct albeit morbid connection to her. I’d be—I am—curious about him, too.
And Althea! The little tidbit about her family being unsure of using owls is lovely. It speaks volumes about her and where she comes from. I imagine she was a bit unsure of magic herself and that is represented in her longing for a magical relative. It makes Charity’s death even sadder to think she left a niece struggling a little in the magical world who would love to talk to her.
Unable to compose her chaotic thoughts into some semblance of reason, Althea decided that she had better face the inevitable and yield calmly to her contemplations of Scorpius.
This line is beautiful. I love the image of ‘chaotic thoughts’ resisting reason. There’s this wonderful flow to this sentence. It gives this odd feeling of serenity to the moment, like everything that’s happing is inevitable, so we all might as well go along with it.
The fleeting eye contact between Scorpius and Althea is amazing. I can feel their own respective confusion, especially Scorpius’s. The way you described his reactions—confusion, warmth, dread, inexplicability—is smooth and natural. Everything is so precise; I feel the shifting emotions myself.
For the first time in four years, Scorpius Malfoy left the library early.
This is great last line. It holds so much promise and hope and expectation. I cannot wait to see how Scorpius and Althea interact and how they’ll grow and change and hopefully find what they are looking for.
This is a really beautiful and good first chapter. :]
Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. Can you believe, I almost didn't bother to submit it because I didn't think anyone would like the writing style (or the characters, to be honest) and now you've gone and proven my prediction wrong! I hope you keep reading; chapter 5 is my favorite, and was the hardest to write, so I'm interested to hear your opinion on that. And thanks for the review!
Well, this was an interesting portrayal of Scorpius. And it's rather nice to read about a character who is somehow linked to the poor Muggle Studies professor killed so long ago. In fact, I quite like this particular connection here.
Somehow, I guess this chapter presents a different perspective on how Scorpius will turn out like. There has been much speculation and I'm pleased to finally have a chance to read on a Scorpius who withdraws from the outside world and ponders over his own thoughts.
Your descriptions of Scorpius internal struggle was very well done and I love your characterisation of him. The last line left quite a deep impression on my mind too.
This is a good start to your chaptered story. Looking forward to more :)
I was intrigued by this story because it wasn't a Scorpius-Rose thing. I like your way with words and how you reference other books regarding guilt. Very thoughtful
I like it. I also respect it. Well written with obvious thought behind it, well done! Can't wait for more
Scorpius and a Burbage -- an interesting combination.So far Althea is a more interesting character than Scorpius, who's the usual "Malfoy heir hiding from his legacy" with an added dose of surreptitious Mugglephilia.You hint at a few other secrets, though.
I think you've been reading 19th century romances, as I see the influence here. I hope the story will involve more than just a pair of star-crossed lovers set in the wizarding world -- it's not Challah and Pumpkin Juice yet -- but the characterization and the premise is interesting enough, and your writing, as usual, is very good. (A few typos and grammatical errors, but it's otherwise pretty polished.)
Author's Response: Thanks for your comments! Your stories are the best on MNFF, so I really appreciate that you're taking the time to read some of mine. Yeah, Althea is definitely more interesting as a character I tried to make them equally relatable, but Althea's the kind of person who pushes herself forward without quite knowing why. I meant this story to really explore guilt and the affect it has on the next generation, so I'm a little worried it may fall into Malfoy cliches, but honestly it seems like it kind of has to so the characters can address that issue. This is definitely a work in progress, though please bear with me!
This is very interesting so far! Keep it up! Update soon, please!!