MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
01/05/14 0:48 · For:
Hi, Jonnie. This is Vicki of Slytherin House commenting on your chaptered fic Seven Years and Counting which you wrote through chapter 5 a couple of years ago and which certainly deserves more than two reviews. I think you show a talent for writing in general and for plotting in particular, though I can’t say that for sure because the rest of the chapters haven’t been posted (yet?)
Your story has many strong points. You have a richness of characters in your story, both familiar names and new ones, but this does not become confusing because you wisely concentrate on one or two characters at a time, developing his/her/their little section of the story fully before going on to the next. Your original characters are frankly interesting: Sir Faints-a-Lot (love that nickname), the freckle-faced girl, Addie the prefect.
The scenes that you include in your story are wisely chosen, the scenes that further the plot, and you develop each of these scenes fully, not skipping too quickly through them (for example, Albus listening at the closed door; the Sorting Hat scene), though a few scenes did seem to drag a little (the children squabbling at the breakfast table the morning after the wedding; Molly’s prolonged complaining about her cousin’s wedding at the outset of the story).
The promised mystery and tension doesn’t really appear until chapter two, when Albus listens throughout the closed door; if I had read only the first chapter (sulking at a wedding, arguing with her boyfriend, an inane conversation with tipsy James), I might not have waited around for chapter two to be posted, but since there are five chapters available for immediate reading now, the presence of mystery and even danger is becoming obvious (though exactly what, we do not know) and the story line becomes more compelling.
There are many little details that enrich the background of your story, such as “Most of the time the fireplace produced people from the Ministry, and they weren’t normally fun people to be around,” and the entire sequence between Molly and Albus outside the closed door.
You also have avoided some easy stereotypical traps, such as surprising us by Sorting the freckle-faced girl into Ravenclaw, not Slytherin. We will see more of her, I am sure. But I am surprised that James and Addie wasted a Tupperware tub full of delicious brownies by having a food fight in the library; it doesn’t seem reasonable that they would do so.
By the time the five chapters have elapsed, we can see the mystery plot already becoming more complicated and we are becoming more curious. Less compelling are the romantic difficulties between Molly and Noah or Rose and Scorpius. If the main thrust of the story is a dangerous mystery, then I hope the romance aspect will be downplayed as a distraction to the main plot, unless, of course, it turns out that these romances are crucial to the resolution of the danger.
This story deserves to be finished because it has a lot of potential and because you have the skill to do it well. Perhaps Real Life is standing in your way, but I hope not.
Author's Response: Oh my goodness! I'm in absolute wow of such an amazing review! You have me all giddy inside!
In all actuality, this story has fifteen chapters written so far (I've been busy with other stories on other archives). I nearly forgot all about this one and just so happened to log on today, with no intentions of receiving this! Thank you so much! I've actually thought this story was something looked by from readers because I wasn't writing it very well. I've been thinking of going back and editing it a little. Mostly to really downplay the romance, because I'm working on so many other romance possibilities as it is with other stories.
I'm still shocked by the review. I don't know what more to say other than thank you so much, and I really hope to get back to this site just so you and the other possible readers I have out there can enjoy what is to come of this. You're a lovely person (and a fellow snake!) and I can't thank you enough!
(Signed) · Date:
05/23/12 23:48 · For:
I'm really liking this story! I hope you keep writing it. I absolutely LOVE good canon next gen so keep it up! :)
Author's Response: Oh wow, thanks for the review! Sorry I didn't see this before, I didn't realize the chapter finally got validated. I'm glad you are liking it! I will put the next chapter in the queue now. :)
(Signed) · Date:
02/02/11 14:38 · For:
This looks to be a very promising story and I hope you write more soon. My only question is why is Lily only starting her first year now if she is already 12?
Author's Response: Thanks! :) About Lily, I sort of put it like Hermione's situation. Hermione was also twelve when she went to Hogwarts, it just has to do with how late their birthdays are, and that's just how Lily's is. :)