MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: AnonymousMarauder (Signed) · Date: 06/13/11 11:37 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
Nice one-shot!
It was well written, so I really would have likes more though. The ending was rather simple and that definitely works for your story.
The one issue you have is the weather...the incident at the lake and the ensuing conversation between Lily and Snape were after O.W.L.'s, so the night could be chilly, but snow is really out of the question.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry about the weather, I really liked the snow so I altered the story just a bit. You never know, maybe its magical snow!

Name: HPFOREVER62442 (Signed) · Date: 05/13/11 23:45 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
loved it :)
it's saved as my favorite

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

Name: Snowlily (Signed) · Date: 04/11/11 13:03 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
I loved it so much, it shows how weak people are like that - so weak that they'll open right up! Helps the plot move along anyway...

Author's Response: I'm glad you loved it! Thanks for reviewing!

Name: chattyswimmer (Signed) · Date: 12/23/10 20:48 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
This was one of the most adorable fics...Not the fluffyness, but the emotions in it really touched me. I loved the James is always there for Lily, and, I don't know, I just really enjoyed reading this. Sorry I can't put it into words better, just, thanks for a wonderful read!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I've always loved how James was there for Lily too! I want a James..... haha I'm glad you enjoyed it, I loved writing it!

Name: Rikku (Signed) · Date: 12/18/10 7:52 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
I really liked this fic. What's wonderful about the pairing is that there are so many ways they could have gotten together, and I never tire of reading how different authors take their view on the subject. I think yours was very sweet :) just a little note though; the argument Lily had with Severus was after one of their summer exams, so I doubt there would be snow.. but otherwise great job :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Nice point, though. I thought the story would work better in a wintery setting. I should have made a note, thanks for pointing that out!

Name: mairal (Signed) · Date: 12/08/10 10:01 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
great though it could have been longer
and ending could have been better!

still, it is really good that people are still writing.

keep up the good work

bye the way my name is shashwat and i live in India
you are always welcomed to contact me at smairal@gmail.com

Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was great! I'm really sorry you didn't like the ending, and future stories will most likely be longer. Thanks so much for the review!

Name: Frogger86 (Signed) · Date: 12/08/10 8:36 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
HI! You did a wonderful job, just a few things...

You changed your point of view near the end when James comes in, switching between James and Lily. It should have stayed in Lily's POV, or with a break switched to James', and then the other would have been observing what she/he thought the other was feeling or expressing.

The way you've done it is fine, it just takes away from you're overall writing, which is very good.

Loved the story! Very touching, and the last line was great! Write more, please!

Author's Response: Sorry I didn't notice that! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'll definitely write more!

Name: Midnight Storm (Signed) · Date: 12/07/10 17:00 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
Hi, hplvr1

This was great! Really, really nice to read.

However, I suggest you put the disclaimer of "pages 675 and 676..." bit in the chapter notes so the story flows a bit better, if you get what I mean.

Also, I think it's "dorm-mates"not "housemates." "Housemates" makes it sound a bit like Big Brother!

The last sentence -- goodness, I could have died laughing at that! Really really funny sentence that really clinched it all together. Brilliant!

~Midnight Storm

Author's Response: Thanks for the pointers! Your absolutely right. And thanks so much! I was trying to figure out how to end it, and that idea just popped into my head! I'm glad someone laughed!

Name: Callisto Anaxandra (Signed) · Date: 12/07/10 10:26 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
For a first story, this is pretty good. Everything is nicely cannon (which I like). I think I spotted one spelling mistake: "She could remember every time someone had picked on him, and all the time she had stuck up for him" Should it be times? It can work the way you have it, but it sounds a little awkward. Keep writing, and I would suggest that you especially work on innovations to the standard Lily/James ficlet. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! And I'm sorry I missed that, thanks for pointing it out! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Name: I hate Tuney (Signed) · Date: 12/07/10 9:11 · For: For The First Time In Her Life...
It was a very appealing scene-the last one...so touching...
I liked it very much!!I can;t wait to read your next-longer I hope-story about Lily and James..They are my favorite couple :)))

Author's Response: I love them too! I wish I had a James.....*sigh* haha. Thanks so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'll definitely try to write a longer one!

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