Wow! This is so real!
Author's Response: Thank you! :) ~MS
Holy crap you're amazing! The ingenuity of writing from a muggle's view is beyond me . . . Thanks for gifting us all with such a masterpiece!!
Author's Response: Oh, wow, thanks! Your review just made my day! I find it easy to write from a Muggle's point of view because I, er, AM a Muggle! And I would hardly call this a masterpiece, honestly, but really, thank you so much! ~Annie
At first I thought the sticks they carried were guns, but they’re not.
Personally, I don't think that even a Muggle five year old boy would think that wands, 'sticks,' are guns. I think this because first off, wands look nothing like guns. Second, the 'stick' caught a school on fire, and to me, that wouldn't automatically make me think, 'gun!' Also, this could be arguable, but I don't think the sound is quite loud enough to be mistaken for that of a gun. If it were, I would think that it would be mentioned in canon that there would be alot more problems with the sounds. If you cast a spell and it was that loud, I think it would've been mentioned somewhere, as I think that would be a disturbance.
I’ve seen another one before, as well, but only a glimpse.
Here, you say that you saw the one that caught the church on fire, and then the narrator remembers, 'Oh yes, I saw that other one too.' But then you go on to mention that there was another (major) incident with Death Eaters, though before, you said that there had only been two incidents with them.
They’re wrong. There are aliens out there, and I know there are. But I can’t do anything to stop them.
I like this line, because you really capture the emotions and inner feelings here. You let the reader know, and this is very accurate, that no one believes him, and then from there, you build up the tension that would come from obviously knowing that 'aliens' exist, but no one will believe that that is what happened. Very nice.
I want someone to save me.
I really like your last line. It is very, very powerful and just ends the story with a 'bang' and reminds you why this story was put into the dark and angsty category.
I thought your characterization was well done. I thought that the boy's point of view was very accurate, and that the description of the Death Eater attack was accurate as well. I would say that it sounds to me like he should be more sad that his mother and sister died, but then again, the whole story sounds like he is in a daze to me, and I wouldn't change that.
One plot hole I discovered was the fact that it isn't given what he was doing during the Death Eater attack. Surely, to see the Death Eater so clearly, he must have been rather close, and for a small boy, I'm sure the Death Eater would've seen him. Maybe he could express how thankful he is? Or maybe give some kind of an explanation on why the Death Eater decided to spare him. I would think that a Death Eater's philosophy would be something like, 'Kill them all.' I don't think he would save the five year old boy, but if he has a good reason to in your head, then that is fine, though I think that some part of that should be explained.
One little thing I wanted to point out that I liked was the fact that he refers to the wizards as 'aliens' and refers to the dead people as 'sleeping.' This is a nice way to refer to these terms in a dark and angsty fic.
One little thing I thought I'd point out also was the fact that I believe in your summary you have that this is a five year old boy. I don't think the vocabulary and thoughts in this story fit that of a five year old boy. Do you know what I mean? Maybe a seven year old or so would fit better, though like I mentioned earlier, I still liked the terminology you chose.
I thought this story was very, very nice. I enjoyed it alot.
Author's Response: Whoa, OK, wow! Thanks for putting so much thought into this :) With the whole "guns/stick" thing. I just thought the kid really wouldn't have a clue what was going on, and the only thing he knows that could damage buildings from a distance. I understand that it's unlikely that a gun could be confused with a stick, but it's the only conclusion that he could come to. Iíve seen another one before, as well, but only a glimpse. You're right -- I should probably change that. I think I'll change it to "That isn't the only one I've seen. A couple of months back I caught a glimpse of another one. The next thing I knew..." Thanks for that! The storyline has moved around a lot since the original copy, and I got mixed up XD Ah, the plot hole. I sort of thought that the Death Eaters were twisted and evil enough to let the boy see his mother die, and them leave him to live with it. This may be considered OOC, but I just thought Death Eaters were nasty enough to want to do that to a kid. You know what? I think I'll bump him up to a seven-year-old. I hope you don't mind if I use your suggestion :) Thank you very, very much for digging so deeply into my little one-shot! I'm really glad you enoyed it, too. ~Midnight Storm
That was amazingly heartwrenching. Of course it would be scary enough for a five year old wizard boy, but a Muggle wuold be byond confused.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! ~Midnight Storm
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! ~Midnight Storm
i havent read anything like this before, i really like it ! you should keep on writing i will definitely be waiting for more
Author's Response: Thanks! I'll keep writing, I promise :) ~Midnight Storm
I'm nearly crying just reading this! The imagery is so vivid and harsh and this poor kid who no one believes! really well written, the short sentences really punctuated it and were sort of child like in a way? I mean you knew it wasn't an adult speaking. Any who well done it was great!
Author's Response: This review made my day! I'm really happy that it touched you so much :D ~Midnight Storm
That was really beautiful and sad. The child's voice was a brilliant idea, but it was very well-written as well. The part where he makes his mum tea was so touching- it's a beautiful image that this five year old wants to do something but absolutely can't. And then his poor dad comes in and sees the horror that has occurred. It was really good. However I have one (absolutely tiny) nitpick- the narrator's mother complaining about the bad weather in April- Britain is prepared for rain all year round so it wouldn't really be worth commenting on. But apart from that tiny, tiny thing this was beautifully written and so sad! Thank you!
Author's Response: Oh, sorry about the rain thing, but I wanted a reason for his mother to say it was April so we knew there was hope for the kid. I'm Aussie, so I don't know about that kind of thing XD I'm really glad you thought it was so beautiful and sad! I'd been playing around with the whole 'What the war looked like to the Muggles' idea for a while, and finally decided it would be through a child's POV Again, I'm very, very glad you liked it so much :D ~Midnight Storm
oh that was sweet and sad, what a nice interpretation of how a child would view the war - it made me feel so bad for him and want to protect him!
Author's Response: Thanks! I felt really sad as I wrote it, too. But I'm glad that it made you want to protecct him :D ~Midnight Storm
I really liked this idea and you wrote it really well. Filtering everything through the mind of a 5-year-old was a really good idea and really effective. I have a few small things to say - firstly, I really loved how initially you referred to wizards as "it" instead of "he", but then when the Death Eater came into the boy's house, you changed and calle him "he". I liked the way you objectified wizards, so this seemed a bit strange to me. Also, you've used the word 'unexplainable' and whilst I think that's now an accepted word, it's meant to be inexplicable... but that's nothing major. Early on in the story you also wrote "I've another one before, as well..." - you're missing 'seen'.
Anyway, it was written really well and it was very haunting and effective. I loved the bluntness of your character - "Daddy cried for a long time, because Mummy and Emma werent asleep. They were dead." So yeah, great fic :)
Author's Response: Sorry about the mistakes -- I'll change them now! :D
Wahhhhhh! Poor little kid. I wonder... He can see witches and wizards. Does that mean he's a wizard? My only concrit is that I wonder if he's able to make tea and read the paper yet. But otherwise, great story! It's a very good snapshot of what life is like for Muggles under Voldemort's reign. I think you could take this and make a good chaptered fic with the boy a little bit older and this scene perhaps a flashback. (That is, if you think Voldy won in this story. I'm not sure what the plot would be if you keep Harry triumphant.)
Author's Response: I see what you mean about the reading and tea, but he's a really observant kid. Glad you enjoyed it! ~Midnight Storm
This is a very well written story: it really captures the little boy very well. He doesn't understand that his mother and sister are dead, so he makes his mother a cup of tea because that's what she likes. At least we know that it's nearly May, and his 'aliens' are about to disappear again.
Author's Response: Yeah, I made it May so that we knew there was hope in sight :) I'm glad you liked it! ~Midnight Storm
This is so sad. The little boy is so innocent, and his idea of what is going on is cute and sad at the same time.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :D ~Midnight Storm