MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Name: Cassielovegood (Signed) · Date: 12/01/10 14:09 · For: Prologue
Ah this is lovely, I've waited for a ff like this (: you've got a nice style, please continue!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Name: Cassielovegood (Signed) · Date: 12/01/10 14:09 · For: Prologue
Ah this is lovely, I've waited for a ff like this (: you've got a nice style, please continue!

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 11/22/10 4:53 · For: Prologue
Hello, there! :]

I quite like this, you know. I’m not normally a big fan of Ginny, but you’ve definitely hooked me. I like how real this seems at first—I definitely thought it was actually happening, but then when I read the last line, it made complete sense. It has this quality that makes it not too real, so the dream part is believable. Like, you give no reason for why either of them are there, in the Great Hall, and it doesn’t seem possible that they’d be alone and that makes it very dreamlike. Also, the vague questions like "You will come home soon, right?"

My smile melted when I realized how wrong all of this was. He was supposed to be out saving the world. Not showing up at Hogwarts.

I really like these three lines. Your characterization of Ginny here is brilliant. Of course she’d be happy and delighted to see him, but she understands Harry. And she knows that the most important thing to him right now is to save the wizarding world. It also highlights the gravity of the state of everything right now and shows how much everyone truly is depending on Harry. We don’t really get a sense of what the rest of the world must be thinking during Deathly Hallows, but here with these few lines you’ve captured it very well.

The navy blue held more hope than the gray that I had become accustomed to. Harry Potter brought hope wherever he went.

Oh, my. I just. I love these lines so much. They’re so beautiful and sad and uplifting at the same time. The emotions they carry and the reflection of Ginny’s own mood is wonderfully portrayed. I have this image in my head of Harry walking around and the sky turning blue above his head and the people around start smiling as he passes. It’s lovely.

"You know me," he said, laughing a little. "I'm always careful."

This . . . it just doesn’t sound like Harry to me. Harry isn’t always careful and he knows that. To me, this line just sounds very arrogantly confident and that’s just not Harry. Other than that, though, your characterization of Harry is pretty good. I particularly liked his exasperation at not being able to say “Voldemort”. :)

He sighed, and when he said goodbye, it echoed and shattered every window in the hall.

So I love this line too. The imagery is stunning. It’s just so sad. My heart aches for Ginny. Even more when I read the next line and find out that it was all a dream. :( ugh. This line is just so incredible though. I can’t even express the way it tugs on me every time I read it.

I have to admit, I wasn’t entirely sure of Ginny’s characterization when she started crying, since we know that one of the things Harry likes best about her is her strength. However, I think I do like it, actually, since this is a dream and our weaknesses always seem to come out in our dreams. Also, because, again, it adds to the gloomy atmosphere and all the darkness surrounding them.

I also really like how you included Ginny’s physical attraction to Harry. Even though nothing’s right and everything’s way past wrong, people still want each other. It makes this very real.

So my one little niggling thought is that I’m not exactly sure where you’re going plot-wise with this story. I know that this is just a prologue, so I’m not expecting a ton of action, but all I’ve got right now is that Ginny misses Harry and the general darkness of the world. I guess you know where you’re going though, and I shall just have to keep reading once you post the next chapter. :-)


Author's Response: Wow! Thankyou sooo much for this amazing review! You have no idea how much this means to me! :) Again, thanks for reading my story and taking the time to review. I hope to have the second chapter up soon. I hope I don't disappoint. :) -k

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