MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Name: Equinox Chick
(Signed) · Date:
01/12/11 1:01 · For:
This is an original poem. Hardly anyone writes anything about Molly, and poetry about a subject that is essentially very real, but also mundane, is very rare indeed, but you've written this well. You've caught the essential Molly here, the wife and mother who has so much to worry about, yet her core values remain.
I particularly like the structure of the poem and the way everything leads to that tightening squeeze in the middle and then pans out. Very clever.
There were a few lines that I thought didn;t flow quite as well as the others. The second line, for instance, I don't think 'trying pay bills' works because it seems as if you've missed out a word like 'yo', so perhaps you could change it to 'try to pay bills'
I was also a little confused as to whether there was a rhyming scheme because there is some repetition with the sounds find, mind, resigned and also time. So part of this seemed to be a free verse poem whereas other parts followed a definite rhyme and rhythm scheme. It did, however, seem to give a clear indication of the stress Molly was under and the same thoughts kept running around her head.
I love the last stanza; the line about the shuffle of papers gave a very real atmosphere to the poem as Molly tries so hard to juggle everything.
I enjoyed reading this poem very much. You tackled a hard subject very well. ~Carole~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review. I have to admit that this came from a day when I was very much feeling as I imagine Molly feels. I also love to rhyme, but couldn't make it work the entire way through. I think that it just added to the stress feeling... and I intentionally combined structured work with free verse. I'm glad you could get the feelings as I was truly feeling them when I wrote it! :)
(Signed) · Date:
11/10/10 6:12 · For:
I really like some of the things you've done here. The pacing of the poem, the way you narrow it down, physically and literally to Love and then from love open it all back up again reinforces the theme. Also, it has the feel, especially in the last line, of Anglo Saxon alliterative gnomic verse, which is thematically resonant as well.
(I know that may sound craptastically overintellecutallized, but I read it over. It is literally correct. Although it may be spelled wrong.)
I totally feel for Molly here, but I think the ending is perhaps unintentionally ironic. It seems to me she is working very hard to make ends meet. She is planning to show her children the real values in life. And yet, she is giving credit for whatever will happen to fate.
While fate is tossing her problems, I think she is being very proactive in meeting them, and while circumstances may or may not defeat her (Of course, knowing Molly, we know they don't,) I think this last line gives fate too much credit.
The question is, of course, does Molly really think it's fate? Is she really resigned to whatever fate hands out?
There is an English poem about people on an insignificant income trying to survive, and it has the line
"And they fall face forward fighting on the deck."
that's more the impression I have of Molly.
The Anglo Saxon stuff I mentioned is very fatalistic and sort of "Why didn't these people all just drown themselves,they sound like they want to." (Well, they lived in what we would think of as large unheated uninsulated garages/barns without indoor plumbing or netflix, really, why DIDN'T they all drown themselves? Must say something about humanity...) Molly does not strike me that way, and yet maybe she has to be. Well, maybe just something to think about...
Author's Response: Thanks Thea... this poem was initially written because of some real life things. I just twisted it a bit to work in the Potterverse. :) I thought of all the characters, Molly could understand the most.
Thanks for the great review!
(Signed) · Date:
11/09/10 16:04 · For:
Very touching! Nice work :)
Author's Response: Glad you liked this! ;)